Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriends Past

Hi

I know everyone is going to say the past is the past and I should not let it effect the future and that it can't be changed so don't worry about it if you love her you will let it go;but the facts are, that I am with a woman who is now 27 and over a four year period slept with about fifty men. I'm no angel but when we are intimate I think how many times has she done this before and a lot more. I no it boils down to insecurity but I just feel sadness for her and the honest answer is all I want to do is hold her and cuddle her and show I want her for her not just sex. But if I don't make love to her she feels its because I don't fancy her, when I think she is the most beautiful woman ever. When we started going out 9months ago I said that I need to be able to trust her as I have had problens with girlfriends telling me lies and she promised she would never lie. I found out after two months that she was going away to see a old work male friend, when she told me she was seeing a girlfriend and she has also lied about men she has met on the internet when she wants to know what I do on internet,I just want to hear all the details of her past just to know,then I can move on from it but she won't talk about it. Can I hear your opinions.

Umm no offense, but you when you hear about the details of her past, you won't be able to move past it. You either decide to be with her for the person she has been for the 9 months you have been dating or end it. If she doesn't want to talk about the past, then that's her issue and she shouldn't have too.

Either you trust her, or you don't. If you don't that's the issue to discuss.

As to her past, same thing, accept it, or don't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If she doesn't want to talk about the past, then that's her issue and she shouldn't have too.

Refusing to talk about and resolve problems in her past is her issue, this is true, but her past also defines the person she is today, and today she belongs to mrf1211, hence making her past is his business. Also, after nine months, she should feel comfortable enough with mrf1211 to tell him her entire story. And if she doesn't, well, something just isn't right.

Don't misunderstand me, if they were dating for four months or less, I would say there's still some getting used to and for mrf1211 to continue to build a stronger relationship with his woman. But nine months is quite some time, in my eyes anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrf1211

But if i dont make love to her she feels its because i dont fancy her... and she has also lied about men she has met on the internet when she wants to know what i do on internet

Saying stuff like that and the fact she's slept with more men then there are cigarettes in a carton tells me she's insecure. Unfortunately for you, being a respectful boyfriend and talking-out her problems with her isn't going to change that, she has to remedy that herself. Relationships will run into roadblocks when a person with an unresolved inner-conflict projects that problem on to his partner. This is evident in the fact she accuses you of losing attraction (fancy) in her for no apparent reason and she's jealous of your internet activity, yet she's the one trolling the internet for guys to meet. In reality, she doesn't trust or "fancy" herself, but she projects it all on to you as if you're the one with the problem. You shouldn't take that.

I'll just cut to the chase, since you've already caught her in a couple lies and you know she has skeletons in her closet that she's unwilling to talk about, you clearly don't trust her and you never will. And if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't trust her, either.

That's my opinion, do what you will with it.