My ex boyfriend and I have been over for two years.

He’s still the most gentle and kind hearted person I know. During our relationship, I didn’t always show appreciation for him and I wasn’t ready for what he wanted. Half of the time we were together, I was very cold towards this man who loved me more than I could even comprehend.

We’ve been friends since we were 17 and dated from when I was 19 to 23.
Before he left to do his masters, I began to appreciate him when it was too late. He believed that I loved him, but that my change of mind, wanting to marry him now, was because he was moving away.

These past two months, I’ve been devastated, as if the breakup is fresh. This is because he has a girlfriend now.

I love him. I’m holding onto us getting back together someday.
I need help though, because I’m weak right now and crying all the time. It’s hard to focus on things. I’m relying on this time apart to make us stronger people, so that one day we’ll come back together and make it work.

Do you think perhaps a counselor might be able to help you deal with your sense of loss? Maybe there could be discussion also as to whether you should contact the ex-bf to see if you should move on without expecting the two of you to get together again. He may be sensing loss too, or he may have moved on as far as he is concerned.

You can adjust to the loss. May I encourage you not to worship a person, a relationship, or a loss. By worshipping the loss, I mean you can become obsessed with it and become overwhelmed by it.

Caring,

I'm so scared. When I saw pictures of them together, it scared me a bit because I know it's the first real relationship he's had since me. I miss him to pieces. I also know they dated once for about a month (that was a year ago), and now one year later, they've rekindled things and seem to be going strong.

IM4U, I can't see him because I know I'll be crying if I do. Everything I've read has said to not let your ex see you weak. I don't want to scare him either, considering it's been two years and I'm still hoping he'll take me back.

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These past two months, I've been devastated, as if the breakup is fresh. This is because he has a girlfriend now... I love him. I'm holding onto us getting back together someday... considering it's been two years and I'm still hoping he'll take me back.

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Stop doing this to yourself, as your expectations are not realistic, and not based on any facts, but you have built a fantasy world around those irrational hopes. He has moved on, and so should you.

If you need help to get you through the grieving process, that leads to healing, and being able to regroup and rebuild your own life, then get it.

Before I get into this, I need to know from you what else you've been doing these last two years - for yourself..
You've apparently learned that you did not show your appreciation then, but what else have you learned . And most of all what have you been occupying your time with besides pining away and hoping for him to come back.

Please let me know more as soon as possible.

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Chery,

These past two years I've been in school, I won an award that paid off half my tuition, I've worked on an international PSA, and have had a lot of accomplishments, but I admit that lately things have slowed down.

It's an awkward time for me, being out of school for the first time (though I'm taking 1 class for fun) and searching for a job. I definitely need to do a lot more and gain some stability. But what's my primary source of fuel, to continue the projects I've been working on, feeding my brain with books, maintaining a healthy diet, is the idea that I want to be ready and be the best I can offer, for when he comes back to me.

Recently though, it's been hard. I'm shocked that he's with someone else. I don't sound realistic at all, I know, but I'm thinking/praying that the relationships we're each going through and the lessons we're learning during our time apart, is all by design. It's all for when we meet again, so that we come together one day, stronger than ever.

Poor thing, your hopes and dreams have been carrying you for a while, and you have gotten far.

The shock you feel now, was just an honest dose of reality that life has shown you, so make some adjustments, and be proud of what you have done for yourself.

He may not be the lucky guy who benefits, but someone will for sure.

Let the emotional dust settle, heal and regroup and keep going down your path.

Well lets see, so you've been pretty busy the past 2 years, 2 years in which you were not with this man. Sounds to me like you were happy before this "slow down" that is currently happening. You definitely need to find something else to occupy your time rather than worrying about something that probably will never happen.
Change can be difficult, leading to stress and bringing up past hurts. However, as long as the change is progressing forward to something equally as rewarding, as in your case education being what you were doing (rewarding in and of itself). Find something that will reward you in a similar way, a job in your chosen education field.
Of course this is just my opinion, and stuff I've experienced.

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Originally Posted by Bliss123

Chery,

These past two years I’ve been in school, I won an award that paid off half my tuition, I’ve worked on an international PSA, and have had a lot of accomplishments, but I admit that lately things have slowed down.

It’s an awkward time for me, being out of school for the first time (though I'm taking 1 class for fun) and searching for a job. I definitely need to do a lot more and gain some stability. But what's my primary source of fuel, to continue the projects I've been working on, feeding my brain with books, maintaining a healthy diet, is the idea that I want to be ready and be the best I can offer, for when he comes back to me.

Recently though, it's been hard. I'm shocked that he's with someone else. I don't sound realistic at all, I know, but I'm thinking/praying that the relationships we're each going through and the lessons we're learning during our time apart, is all by design. It's all for when we meet again, so that we come together one day, stronger than ever.

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Congats on your achievements honey.

You've been feeding your mind with good books..
You've been feeding your body with good nutritional food...
You've been feeding your heart with hope and a dream, but I hope that you are aware that this can only carry you so far and no further before there is a risk of breaking.

He's probábly your first love,but I don't think he will be your last in all honesty. I could be wrong, but it does not sound as if he's been dreaming the same dreams that you have. He's moved on. The only way you can get your answer is from him. You need to have a serious talk with him and ask him how he feels about all this. I have many exes that have turned out to be real good friends and have been for years - some I broke, some they broke, but friendship can be just as beneficial to both. After all you did share a lot.

Just don't put all your 'eggs in one basket' here. You need to fill you time with new things since you no longer have a 'school schedule' to keep you busy. Work, volunteer, join some social groups that interest you, and get to know the life beyond the school bench. You'll be surprised at how much there is out here to see and do.

You are not tied to the past, you have to move forward - that's the way of life when leaving the 'nest' and we all have to do it.

Anyway, get your answer so you know where you stand and make plans forward accordingly.

We are here for you, no matter which way it goes, but you are the one that needs to take that first step.

Good luck in this new chapter in your life,

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Thank you all for your advice. The advice is similar to what I've told friends who have gone through breakups… yet, I can't seem to accept the same reality for myself. I keep feeling (or hoping) that him and I will be together again one day. But I guess hope is evil, because I'm very frightened and sad these days. At a party a few nights ago, mutual friends were discussing that my ex and his new girlfriend seem to have really hit it off. They're going into the third month of their relationship.

This news/reality has really shaken up my entire body. And although I pretend I'm okay, inside I'm not ready to let go. It's like there are 1000 break-up stories out there, with 997 of them being about people who have found new love and are very happy. This isn't something appealing to me. In fact, it scares me. Instead, what sounds magic to me is the other three stories where people are back with their ex love and happy.

I know the only way to feel better (aside from getting him back) is to change my perception. But changing my perception right now (telling myself he's not coming back to me) is like trying to convince myself that trees are flowers. I can't wholeheartedly believe (or don't want to wholeheartedly believe) that we won't be together again one day. He's the love of my life.

I've loved before, but never like this. It was a profound love between us. I wish we could get it back. Right now, I don't understand this life at all.

Believe me, we know what that is like. Just don't wrap your entire life, goals and dreams around this issue though. Go on with you life as best as you can and stay active.

My daughter was one of those 3 that got her man back. She was pregnant at the time too, but he was not sure of himself.. It took him three months to realize that she was not like the other women in his life and that he could not do without her anymore. They are now married and my grandson has a happy father who came back on his own. So, yes there are happy endings.. but they are far and few between reality.

I sincerely wish you all the best and that you find love, warmth, and harmony in your life, whether with him or with another.. Don't be scared and don't give up. You too deserve to be happy.

Bliss 123 I want you to know that you are not the only one in that situation. I'm stuck in the same situation as you. I have a lot of barriers.! Before I could be again with my ex again . The first 1 is that she's older than me (she is 43), (I'm 28) she demands a lot of things that I cannot provide her right now. She is dating this guy that owns a yacht in Florida. She is going to visit him soon. I have told her that I will always be her friend not matter what. However deep inside I want to be more than that. I wish her the best with her new relationship and I know she wants to see me happy too. Even if it means being with somebody else. I know for a fact that she has moved on. But I'm still having feelings for her. I know it is dangerous to put all your hope in one person. But for some reason . I cannot forget about her. She was previously divorced with a man that left her with 2 kids. She is a strong woman, she owns a small business. I really look up to her I wish I could have been her man one day. I'm planning to move forward in my life and keep myself busy with school and work hoping that if for some reason she comes back to me I would be better prepared for her and be her ideal man. I believe in second chances and have faith. So far we have been good friends, and I'm trying to keep it that way. Because is better to be friends than not knowing anything about her at all. :(