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-   -   I want to forgive my husband (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=274594)

  • Oct 28, 2008, 11:56 AM
    m1968
    I want to forgive my husband
    My husband cheated on me for over a year with this woman, he was having sex with her in her car. He never went out with her for a date or drink. Her 21 years old daughter told me because she got tired from seen her mom upset all the time. That night when I found out about this , He told me it was just for sex and when she started to ask for more he wanted out, but she won't let him go.
    I know part of this was my mistake, I know I have a bad temper and I am always in a bad mode.

    I want to know if he was in love with her, I want to know if he staying in this marriage for our 5 years daughter which I know he loves her very much or he is staying because he can't afored to be on his own now.

    I am having hard time believing him , I am trying to forgive him but I keep bringing the supjct till I get made and angry. My daughter start to get scared from me. I love my daughter very much she is my only one and I don't want her to grow up with this sutiation in her mind.
  • Oct 28, 2008, 12:06 PM
    450donn

    Unless your husband is ready to break all ties with the woman and unless he is ready and willing to go to counselling there is nothing you can do except get out.
  • Oct 28, 2008, 12:33 PM
    talaniman

    Quote:

    I love my daughter very much she is my only one and I don't want her to grow up with this sutiation in her mind.

    Then get out, and get your thoughts together, and decide long, and hard if he is worth it, or do you have work to do on yourself.

    Condoning his bad behavior, is not your solution, so get away from his influence to decide what is.

    No hurry, take your sweet time, and get your head together.
  • Oct 28, 2008, 12:35 PM
    JBeaucaire

    It sounds like you already have decided not to give up on your marriage over this, and that is a good thing IF you accept the work that goes with that.

    Living in close quarters for 60 years means making some significant changes in the way you allow yourself to think. Significant changes.

    As a start, ask your husband how you can help him with his problem with the other woman. Ask him like you're his friend, someone he can rely on to help in a time of difficulty. I know you're his wife, but he needs your friendship first and foremost.

    Next, start policing yourself. Being a loving and warm person takes practice. It means NOT saying most of what you think. It means NOT hopping up on a soapbox when you've been wronged, even if you're the one who is wronged. That's hard to resist, isn't it?

    Being in a bad mood... that's something we do for ourselves. It's a gift we give ourselves and pay no attention on the real-world cost it creates in the lives of those around us. The negative energy you emit onto those around you is cancerous. It kills their spirit and wounds them and they can do nothing to stop it.

    In effect, having constant bad moods is thus an attack on your loved ones. Think about it.

    Everything you say and do has an effect on air around you. There is no such thing as a neutral event. Everything either ZAPS people with positive energy or SAPS them with negative energy.

    You can walk into a room and ask what time it is, and SUCK the life from the room, can't you? That's the SAP in action.

    So you'll have to take purposeful action to ZAP people around you with positive energy. And the more you ZAP, the more energized those people are, the more they want to be around you and start ZAPPING back at you.

    Become a fan of your husband again. Make note of the good things he does and compliment him with regularity, like you used to do when you dated him and were trying to "Woo" him. You should never stop wooing. Never. Praise, admire, go out of your way to find the good things about him and brag about those things to others, to the kids, even in the middle of disagreement... take a moment to ZAP a positive thing in there.

    This is a lifestyle change. If you lead the way on this, you lay the foundation for change in your entire household. A man receiving a lifetime of praise and admiration at home LIKES coming home to hear it, LIKES doing more things to get more praise. Men are simple in this regard. Wonderfully simple. You want to motivate a man for good, make sure he already LOVES hearing you talk about him.

    There's more, but what do you think so far?

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