Trying to put my heart back together but I don't know how
I had my heartbroken 2 years ago, when I was 19, by my best friend, a man I thought I'd marry. We started as friends because we worked together & I fell in love with him. For the first time in my life I let myself become dependent on someone, I let my guard down. I let someone care about me & take care of me. He treated me with respect & he saw me at my best & my worst. He led me on for a long time & for a long time, I waited. Then one day he left. He didn't say where he was going, just that he got a new job & he'd call me soon & come see me. The last time he called we talked briefly then he said he had to go but he'd call me soon. He never did. I'm still waiting for that phone call.
I became terrified of relationships, I dated a guy for about a month after my guy left. The new guy tried things with me that I didn't want to do so he called me a slut & told me I was easy. Which doesn't make sense because I didn't do anything, I stopped him. Between having my heart broken & a bad make out session, I decided no relationship was worth it but I want one. I want someone to love me. I'm just so scared of getting hurt again that I can't bring myself to date anyone. I have been pushing guys away & I don't know how to change that. I still hurt from the guy who broke my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him or want him in my life. I don't really think it's fair to date someone new if I'm still all hung up on the old guy. As much as I love him, I want him out of my mind & my heart. I don't know how to do that though.