Lately, me and my boyfriend of a little more than a year have been arguing a lot. I hate arguing with him and he feels the same way, but there are issues in our relationship we can't seem to work out. First... I have a good male friend that I've known for nearly 8 years. He is gay and we have never had feelings for each other, but we have remained good friends for a majority of those 8 years. Our relationship has been strictly platonic, always. When me and my BF first started dating he had a little trouble understanding my friendship with M, but it was never too much of an issue. I go to school an hour away from my hometown, which is where my BF lives and works full time, so we obviously can't see each other everyday, only when I come home on weekends or when he comes up on his days off. I see my friend M probably 2-3 times a week and my BF is bothered by it... he thinks me and M always talk about our relationship and he thinks M doesn't like him. Which isn't true.. yes, they aren't good friends and it has been awkward when I have hung out with both of them, but there is no hate or anything. My friendship with M is in fact very different than what my BF perceives it to be... we don't ever discuss my relationship with my BF, in fact M is rather selfish and talks about himself most of the time and when I have brought up my relationship with my BF, M usually says, "I don't know what to tell you." I'm not asking him to give me a genius answer to my relationship problems, but rather I want an ear to listen to me when I am upset. My relationship with M is far from what my BF thinks it is. Anyway, my BF and this girl A, used to like each other a year or so ago, but now she has a baby and I guess they stopped talking because she chose another guy over my BF. They were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but they were attracted to each other and liked each other. They weren't talking for awhile but one day she started texting him and they have been texting ever since (over a month ago). They hung out once and they text often, and it makes me very uncomfortable. My BF tells me that there isn't anything there anymore, but I am so unsure... I know he won't cheat, but how am I supposed to know what she wants? Especially if she screwed him over in the past? My BF has compared him talking to A to me talking to M, but I think it is very different. I have the courtesy to not text or hang out with any of my ex anybodies! But he still wants to text her for some reason, and he tells me he just wants to be friends and nothing will come of it. I wish he would understand I wouldn't be talking to M if he was my ex. He's not! Me and M have this odd friendship, we are close and people often think we're a couple, but we never have been and never will. I am not attracted to him as a mate, but he is my good friend and I don't want to let my friendship with him falter because I am in a relationship. Me and my BF have the same argument constantly, about him wanting to be A's friend and always text her, and about my friendship with M. I really don't want to break up because I love my boyfriend and I want this to work out... I also want to be fair to him, but does that mean if I want to talk to M, I have to let him talk to A? I don't know what to think of my BF and A's rekindled friendship... I am very wary of it, but he says its nothing. But I don't know her, I don't know her intentions... she screwed him over in the past so why is he giving her this chance again? I want to stay friends with M, because I think it is unfair to drop your friends once you are in a relationship, but I want to be with my BF too. These issues have been the sources of our arguments for over a month now and I don't know what to do anymore. Any feedback or advice would be greatly appreciated.

So its okay for you to have a friend you see 2-3 times a week, but he can't do the same? And it is the same. Until you see that, then there will be conflict.

Lets not forget the distance thing, which I think put a lot of pressure and insecurity on you both.

I don't see this as fair to either of you, and unless there is less arguing and more compromise and working together, you'll make each other miserable.

In my mind, I see your boyfriend's actions as a direct response to your relationship with M. And, to be absolutely honest, I would not be surprised if it turns out that he is actually cheating on you with her.

You are violating his emotional need of putting us first, which states that their relationship should take precedence over those of others. He's asking you to cut back on the number of times you see M because he feels that your relationship with M is a threat to your relationship with him. You refused and continued to violate his emotional need.

In return, he now violates your version of this need: fear of abandonment. Because you refused to put the relationship first, he is now spending time with another woman which is likely causing you to be afraid of losing him to this other girl or at the very least be somewhat jealous of the situation.

If you want him to stop seeing the girl, then stop seeing the guy.