Where to even begin... I met this girl through my cousin first time I met her I fell in love with her eye's her smile her sense of humor just everything about her. So we starting hanging out like every day and the more I got to know her the more I fell in love with her. Which in tales the problem I learned after a month with hanging out with her almost constantly that she had a b/f and had been dateing him for 2 years which threw me a bit off guard. But I let it go and continued to hang out with her then out of the blue she started to drop subtle hints that she liked me as more then just a friend and we talked about it on occasion but never went into any depth about it. So I contemplated it and even met her b/f on a few occasion's and complacent to say I didn't like him the fact that he was 10 year's older then her and had a drug issue probably didn't help matter's. But anyway she still gave me hints but I decided unless she was willing to leave him there was no hope of it and I didn't see that happening so I kind of let it drop then after living there for about 8 months and hanging out with her for 7 of those months I had an issue with my job and had to leave. I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 years now and I thought I was over it then about 6 months ago I was watching TV and on this movie was a girl that looked so much like her they could have been twin's and all those feelings came back and I haven't been able to get her out of my head. Then yesterday my aunt came to visit and like a dumb butt I had to ask how this girl was doing and she told me that she had a baby not to long ago but wasn't sure if they had gotten married or not. So sadly my spirit's have been crushed not the fact that she has a child that in no way bother's I love kids but just the fact that she is still with him going on almost 4 or 5 years now just crushed me completely when she deserves so much better and well I don't know what I should do since I'm planning on moveing up there again to go back to college, and I'm not sure if I should even talk to her because of the way I feel and what might come out of my mouth since I'm not much of a thinker and just say what's on my mind :/ So basically I don't know what I should do should I go back and be her friend, go back and not talk to her at all, or go back and tell her how I truly feel and hope her b/f doesn't have a pshycotic episode from one of his drugs and try to kill me :/ Any help would be much appreciated.

Do not see her at all. It will only prolong the issue even more.

Dude.. you have to find the boundary between friendship and relationship... you can love someone and be their friend... you cannot fall in love with someone by seeing them.. love is much more deep than that.. sorry to tell you that... you are experiencing a physical attraction... if you "love" her you would respect the fact that she is taken and be a good friend and not interfere

I'm glad you ask before taking any action.

She decided to live with the man, so just leave her alone.

Drop this whole line of thinking!

According to Dictionary.com,

Ded⋅i⋅cat⋅ed –adjective
1. wholly committed to something, as to an ideal, political cause, or personal goal:

2. set apart or reserved for a specific use or purpose:

3. (of machine parts, electrical components, hardware, etc.) made or designed to interconnect exclusively with one model

That's dedicated. You answered your own question when you said she was dedicated. She's not for you. Move on.

Yeah, walk away before this goes any further... you're in lust right now... Lust in no way is love... like historianchic says, she's dedicated to someone else... why risk ruining the friendship that you've built with someone over lust?

It's not just lust though I've had many women that I got with out of lust when we break up after long term or short term relationships I don't even give it a second thought. Which is what's bugging me since I was never actually with her and out of all the people I've known and who have left out of my life she's the only one I miss so yeah is just bugging me is all thanks for the advice

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WyvernMMD

It's not just lust though I've had many women that I got with out of lust when we break up after long term or short term relationships i don't even give it a second thought. Which is what's bugging me since I was never actually with her and out of all the people I've known and who have left out of my life she's the only one I miss so yeah is just bugging me is all thanks for the advice

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I'm thinking you might be in love with the idea of being in love, not with this person. I bet she just happened to come along at the right moment in your life when you were looking for someone and given that she's able to commit to someone that appeals to you.

As twisted as you think her relationship with her boyfriend may be, she is still in it and that is because she CHOOSES to be in it. Do not make the mistake of thinking that she is the victim in all of this because she is not. She is an adult and she is responsible for her life. As screwed up as that relationship may be, she is getting something out of it or else she would leave. The fact is she doesn't.

And because of the simple fact that she has chosen to stay in that relationship, she does not want to be helped. You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. Do not let your own need for heroism lead you into a bad situation. I understand your desire to help those around you but this is not the time to follow that desire because if you do then you are a victim to it.

Feel the emotion, control the behaviour.