I am a 17 yearold father and my girlfriend (the mother) dumped me after 3 1/2 years of dating. She's done it before but she tells me to leave her alone but I can't get her off my mind not to mention we have a kid. I ask her what happened and she says she's just not happy can someone tell me what that means. Also she got another boyfriend witch is he brothers co worker she is telling me that she is happier than ever. But I did everything for this girl . I called her and told her I would do anything to get her back move in with her , quit sport , take her out more anything. How can I get threw to her I planned on marrying herr. Or is she really done with me.

Okay, you are both still kids, with a kid. Not a good move for either of you, but that is what you need to deal with now. The child is here. You've been together since you were about 14? This was inevitable. Neither of you had a chance to have a normal teenage life, or got to learn how relationships work. She obviously needs a break, and wants to explore her other options, that she didn't have a chance to do before.

Begging her to come back is not going to work. This will only crowd her, and she will move farther away. The more needy you act, the more you will push her away. NEVER give up things you enjoy, just to get someone back. You will eventually resent her for that, and vice versa. Trust me you will, even though you can't see that right now.

Your main focus right now should be on your child, and trying to be the best father you can. Spending time with your child, supporting your child... both financially and emotionally is the most important thing. If you have any chance of getting her back, make THAT your main concern, and maybe she will eventually come around.

I don't intend for this to sound cruel, I am just telling you the truth! This is why kids shouldn't have kids. The relationship goes bad, and one is very likely to want to go and see what else is "out there!"... in this case it's her. That's the cold hard truth! I know it hurts, but the best thing you can do, is learn from your experiences. Everyone has to go through the hurt in order to learn.

Work hard on YOU! The most appealing thing you can do right now. If you want to impress her, and love her like you say you do, the best thing you can do, is wish her happiness, and tell her that you will be there for your child, and for her if she needs you. Otherwise, let it be for now.

There is nothing more unattractive to a girl than a guy who is willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to get her back. And, whatever you do, do NOT try and make her jealous by seeing someone else. You can see someone else if you choose, but don't do it for the wrong reasons.

Good luck! :)

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Okay, you are both still kids, with a kid. Not a good move for either of you, but that is what you need to deal with now. The child is here. You've been together since you were about 14? This was inevitable. Neither of you had a chance to have a normal teenage life, or got to learn how relationships work. She obviously needs a break, and wants to explore her other options, that she didn't have a chance to do before.

Begging her to come back is not going to work. This will only crowd her, and she will move farther away. The more needy you act, the more you will push her away. NEVER give up things you enjoy, just to get someone back. You will eventually resent her for that, and vice versa. Trust me you will, even though you can't see that right now.

Your main focus right now should be on your child, and trying to be the best father you can. Spending time with your child, supporting your child...both financially and emotionally is the most important thing. If you have any chance of getting her back, make THAT your main concern, and maybe she will eventually come around.

I don't intend for this to sound cruel, I am just telling you the truth! This is why kids shouldn't have kids. The relationship goes bad, and one is very likely to want to go and see what else is "out there!"...in this case it's her. That's the cold hard truth! I know it hurts, but the best thing you can do, is learn from your experiences. Everyone has to go through the hurt in order to learn.

Work hard on YOU! The most appealing thing you can do right now. If you want to impress her, and love her like you say you do, is wish her happiness, and tell her that you will be there for your child, and for her if she needs you. Otherwise, let it be for now.

There is nothing more unattractive to a girl than a guy who is willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to get her back. And, whatever you do, do NOT try and make her jealous by seeing someone else. You can see someone else if you choose, but don't do it for the wrong reasons.

Good luck!! :)

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I agree

Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. I know how tough they can be, especially if a child is involved. You say your ex told you "she's just not happy". Well take that as your answer, and stop analyzing what it could mean. Just be happy that you still have your child from this relationship. If the relationship is meant to be, it'll be, and you guys will get back together, trust me! But if not, that only means there is someone better suited for you out there. I know you're in pain right now, and you miss her, so in the meantime you should work on bettering yourself. Stay busy, do things for you... remember- success is always the best revenge. If you sit there and dwell on what went wrong, it's only going to make things worse. You will find out in time if she is "really done with [you]" or not. Keep busy until then and know that if its meant to be, it will be.
:)

OK I know I should care about my kid but she dumped me threw a text message then didn't talk to me for a week not one word. I have seen my baby every day and now I can't because she lives at her house. So the g-ma is making times when my x is never there. How could she just shut me out of her life all in less then a day when we were talking about getting married a few nights before.

And also in my head I keep thinking if I don't let her know I still want to be with her she will just forget about me >,<

Really, the best thing to do is to let her go. She will always be a part of your life because of your child, but she may never be with you as a girlfriend again.

The best you can hope for is friendship, which is something to strive for for the sake of your child.

If she comes back then great, but don't count on it and don't wait for it. Be a good father to your child, but don't waste your life wanting her.

Good luck.

She's not going to forget about you. Go ahead, and let her know how you feel. Pour your feelings out to her maybe through an email? Then, leave her alone. If she wants you back, she's going to miss you, and the sooner she doesn't hear from you and you're not trying to contact her, that's when she's going to realize she misses you!

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Originally Posted by what2do699

ok i know i should care about my kid but she dumped me threw a text message then didnt talk to me for a week not one word. i have seen my baby every day and now i can't because she lives at her house. so the g-ma is making times when my x is never there. How could she just shut me out of her life all in less then a day when we were talking about getting married a few nights before.

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Trust me. This did not all happen in just one day! I know that you are hurt, and I'm sorry. BUT, be very glad that you didn't get married at this point! She obviously doesn't know exactly what she wants right now. I know that doesn't seem like the "bright side" of things right now, but it really is. You wouldn't want to be married, and then have her leaving you then would you? The fact is, is that you got involved very young, and now both of you are growing up! Things change, and it doesn't sound to me like she was being very truthful with you. Sad, I know, but it's life. I'm glad to hear that Grandma is doing the right thing by letting you see your child. Maybe Grandma will also have a talk with your ex. It doesn't sound like she is very responsible, and she needs to be, for your child. She sounds like she's still got a lot of growing up to do, which is actually to be expected at your ages. A text message is no way to break up with someone... EVER!. and certainly not in this situation.

Again, sorry that you are hurting, but unfortunately this is what happens. Even the chances of a more mature relationship aren't good these days. Most times it's a hit and miss even when you're older. :(

Confusing subject buddy I'm on the same boat as you except I'm 18 and we haven't talked for awile and I know she is going to come back I know this because I have known her for a long time my problem is if she goes out and sleeps with anuther guy then comes running back to me because she made a big goddamn mistake how can I take her back knowing I just got ed over to the max, if I don't take her back ill be misrable and pissed all the time and if I do take her back ill hate myself still for letting her do what she wants and letting her me over without any punishment, I know this is all temporary and really we have an awesome relationship just she moved out to be closer to her school so she lives on the other side of town problem is she lives with a councler and that hates me with a passion we had no problems before she moved out it was covenant and saved money now the councler who hates me has filled her head with a load of bull about me now how dose it work really? How can you even attempt to win even though I blame myself for letting her move out but I blame her for being stupid, I figure right now ill just ride it out for awile but if she's out being stupid who's to blame her or the girl she lives with ? And me being who I am someone needs to pay I'm not going to let myself get ed over and just let it go ( one of my insecuritys ) anyone got any ideas on how to make it work or how to get over m

*my insecuritys * the end cut out

Just hang in there and keep trying. Hopefully she'll come back. She loves you. You to were together for 3+ years and have a child together. And if she doesn't come back to you because she is happier with her new boyfriend then you should just be happy for her and move on too. Isn't your ultimate goal in this to make her happy. If she is saying she's happy why are you complaining?

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Originally Posted by stells

*my insecuritys * the end cut out

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You are hijacking someone else's thread. Please start your own if you want advice.

It is good that you want to have a relationshiop with your child because most guys wouldn't, especially at your age. Also, I find it sad that once someone ends the relationship the mother tries to keep the child from the father, that is unfair to you and especially the child. Sad!

I happy to hear that the grandmother is working with you but what would happen if your ex finds out? To protect yourself you need to go to court for visitations and in return she might take you for child support but I am should you don't have a problem with that. This is no longer about her but only about your child.

In life you will learn that people change. You could be doing everything right but regardless of what you do that other person isn't satified. I always used to wonder how can a couple be married for years and then all of a sudden someone wakes up and never longer wants to be married to that other person anymore. It's just sad and I had an uncle that live through this nightware. Sometimes people think the grass is greener on the other side but once they get to the other side they see it wasn't then they realize what they had.

Life goes on and what don't kill you only makes you stronger and wiser. The only thing you can do is focus on your child and make sure you are there for them. Get yourself together to make a bright future for you and your child and know that you have rights as a father. That's all the motivation you need.

Sorry for "hijacking" someone's thread I figured that since we have the same problem maybe somebody might be able to help me out as well

Hey what2do699 I figure most of these people are right about we should just be happy for our ex, I think the problem with that is everyone is happy for her she's moving on with her life, bettering herself... etc, but when your finally able to see her and you child how to you get over feeling like you're a failure and you couldn't make it work? sorry I'm hijacking your thread but I've noticed there is a lot more to this then it might seem

I agree with the others you can't 'make' somebody love you.
As far as your kid you need to get legal orders to make sure you have a security legally with seeing your kid in case they some day decide they are not going to allow you to see him. Go to court and tell them you want joint custody with visitations and you want to find out about child support orders. It is important to keep an official record of what you give and do for the baby financially so she can't come back and say you are a dead beat and you have no proof, no receipts, nothing to prove otherwise.

Solution
If you love her, set her free from everything she wants,
If she returns to you, means she loves you
But if she doesn't, it means, it is over, no one can help you then, except yourself, by moving ahead.
Statutory Warning: Be careful about the kid no matter what happens...

So... it has been a while she did come back but we got engaged and then all of a sudden she was unhappy again. I would always ask her if she was happy she would say yes. Then just the other day she was just like I can't do this anymore... I'm not happy.

I was like... u told me the other day you were happy.
Then she started a fight I kept trying not get fight witch got her even more pissed.
Then she said iwas a bad dad... all down hill from there I said some that I shouldn't of said.

Then next day no morning call... I text her around lunch time and she texts me back we are done till somthings change . I say what need to change . Then she's like you. So now I don't respond for a little then my brother had my car so she picked me up at school you could tell she was upset but I asked her to go out to dinner she said yes. We went out we talked she said she didn't know what she wanted I told her that I could change and make everything better but she said talk to me in a few weeks.

The next day she told me she was going out with her "friend" who I later found out was another guy that she met at school. But I was with her that day when she left she told me she would call me when she got home at that point I still thought it was a friend in her class not a guy... but still no call

Sunday comes I call her in the morning she picks up like whatt first thing she said to me I asked her if we could go out or do something.. she said she was to busy. I kept trying to talk to her but she just stopped responding .

Monday comes try to call her wheen I get up no answer. Later in the day I ask her if she wants to hang out she's busy again.. then I said are you busy or do you just not want to hang out and she was like both. I keep trying to get her to let me take her out to get dinner she keeps saying no. She like what ever you wanted to tell me at dinner you can text me so I send her this huge 12 page text telling her how she means the world to me. That I would do anything for her.. that was at about 2pm a little later I text to see if she got it still no answer . Call her a few times still nothing.. 9pm I get a text say I read it.. I was like did you feel anything and a split second later I get a text that just ssays No.

Today is Tuesday I keep trying to call her I wrote her this big paper what was similar to the text but more in depth. I asked her if she read it and she still won't answer what can I do I'm crushed I love that girl to death no matter what she does for me I don't get this what should I do.

Wow! You read NONE of our advice before did you? Do you see how that worked out? This is what happens when babies make babies. I'm just so sorry there is a child involved in this mess. The cold hard truth is that young love rarely survives the teenage yrs. You weren't ready to be in a relationship, and neither was she.

Look, I know this hurts, but you really do have to wake up and look at this situation! How many new boyfriends has she had now? At least two since October! Her actions are telling you what she wants. When her lips are moving she is telling you what she wants. When she tells you nothing you wrote matters to her, she is telling you the truth, you just refuse to listen! You have to listen to her. She is telling you who she is as a person.

Stop writing her letters, stop texting her, stop calling her period, unless it's directly related to your child. Your child is your # ONE priority now, and not playing games and running around wondering what your baby's mama is doing. You made a decision to have a baby with her, you have responsibilities now. Take care of that first, and stop worrying about your love life for now.