I am a 21 year old male who grew up in a lovng supportive adopted family. But over the course of my life I have lost every important friendship, relationship, and confidant I have. I have only felt love once, and it was for a friend of mine who now wants nothing to do with me. I am all alone with the multitude of problems I have. Nobody cares enough to listen, and nobody cares enough to help. When I wake up in the mornung I think about killing myself since I am waking up to nothing and I go to sleep to nothing. I have accomplished many things in my 21 years but nothing that is important enough to outweigh the negatives, disappointments, and pain I feel. I feel like my heart is shriveling up inside my chest because I feel no love of any kind... anybody who can give me any advice on how to change this please.. I'm at the end of the line

First, I would seek professional help the feelings of depression or negativity aren't a normal state; do not confuse these thoughts with reality. Just because you think something doesn't make it real, and while knowing whether something is real or not, positive or negative generally doesn't have a profound affect on our daily lives; when those thoughts turn potentially destructive it would be wise to give those thoughts the label of being unbalanced in their perception and to not act upon them in a way that might harm yourself.

I'm sure this isn't the first time you've had thoughts like these and if you are honest with yourself, you know that they will pass. Just hang on, things will and always do get better.

As for negatives in your life, it's a matter of perspective.

Personally I think negative thinking is are lies we tell ourselves; we've accumulated those lies either through the negativity of others, unrealistic expectations of ourselves, etc. and they've become habitual recordings that keep running through our heads.

The good news is, that bull/crap can work for the positive as well.

Think of it this way, as we tell ourselves negative things over and over and over again through habit, etc. it can sometimes snowball into something that feel overwhelming and hopeless. Remember though, this negativity is a lie. Using this new found knowledge that negativity is bull, we can snowball positive affirmations about ourselves into a positive self image even if we don't believe the affirmations at first.

So it comes down to choice, continue to tell believe all the negative things you think about yourself which deep down you know aren't completely true, or tell yourself positive things about yourself which you also know aren't completely true either. The result is, if you choose to REPLACE a negative thought with a POSITIVE affirmation, over time (in some cases a short time) the positive affirmations will take hold and your feelings of self worth and self love will improve.

Fight the bull, and say no. Tell yourself, or write things down that are positive about yourself and repeat them over and over, and when you get a negative thought, reject it and replace it with something, anything positive.

Something that has worked for me also is the following: Write down 5 things you are grateful for in your life every day whether you truly believe it or not. Stick to this habit and you will find your days get brighter and brighter. When things do start getting better for you and they will don't stop the habit of a gratitude list as it will fill you with positives for the next time life throws a curve at you and you won't sink as deep next time.

I could go on, but you are worthy of love and the only one we can truly depend on for it is God if you believe or yourself, stop depending on others for it, it's within your control to love yourself if you change your negative thinking to positive. Once this change occurs in you, you will find that we can't get love from others in order to have it, but when we love ourselves we can give love to others and that is when we truly feel the love returning 10 fold.

1st step, love yourself, baby steps at first, but reject the negative and build the positive. I know you can do it and want to do it or you wouldn't be here asking for help.

Good luck to you and God Bless.

Hi, I'm sorry you feel this way. I know what its like. I am 33 and I don't have any close relationships with anyone either. I've had a few over time but were all lost. When things all around you are looking blah its difficult to see the appeal in living. Unless you have a chemical imbalance. I have a chemical imbalance. I take 40mg of citalopram a day. Life as it was has not changed, it is still difficult, but manageable. In a nut shell a chemical imbalance means your missing parts of your brain that enables you to feel joy or contentment on a normal level. I'm no expert, just of my own experience. I was really young, not even a teenager when I new something was wrong with me, but I wasn;t sofisticated enough to put my feelings in to words. So I was labeled the problem child, and no one ever took me seriously. I was miserable, sad, angry, and seldom happy. 15 years later I finally got my answer to what was making my life hell. I have no real interest in making close friends anymore. Everyone's ditched me and that part of me that requires that need in my life I think is permanently scarred. [email protected].
Take care.