I'm 28, and I have been seeing a younger girl (21) for about 4 months. She has been broken up with her ex-boyfriend of 2.5 years for 10 months, and has been complaining to me that he will not leave her alone. She has changed her number 3 times in the last 4 months, but her best friend says she is the one who keeps on giving him the number back. She also talked about moving to Cali to get away from him. Her best friends hate the ex, and love me. The dislike has to do with how he has mistreated her, her friends (he even slapped one of her friends, leading me to believe he may hit her too), and his drug problem.

The ex-boyfriend, also 28, kept interrupting our relationship. He has the nerve to threaten me at a bar, asking me if I know "any guys hanging out with HIS girl" while messaging my shoulder threatenly. I decided to do the educated thing, since I am, and let it slide and mention it to her. She tells me it "doesn't sound like something he would do." Never gets ressolved. A month later, he somehow finds out I am having a private party, and shows up because he knows she will be there. Moreover, he and his friend have the curtiosity to do coke on my counter. I let it slide, but say something to her again. Then, when I leave town for 3 weeks, he has the nerve to continuing pushing, and they get back together. I flew her out to NYC for the last week of my trip, she is cold to me, and I find out from her best friend she and the ex have been hanging out again while I was gone.

I am both confident and educated, so I tried to handle this the educated way by referring the issues that came up with her ex to her. Now she tells me the ex was her first love, she loves him despite his drug and other problems, refuses to address everything he did to me and our relationship, and demands I don't talk to her anymore. But in the same conversation she also says I make her world go around and I am "more than what she wanted in a guy," I have never had a love triangle trip of issue before. Should I play by the same rules he did, talk to her, and try to get her back? Any advice? He did set the rules for how the game is to be played. To me, it seems like he bullied her back into a relationship. I don't really care how long they dated -- my perogerative is that once he knows we are dating, the appropriate thing to do is stay away and respect that.

Just leave her alone. She made her decision, as dumb as that decision sounds. She'll have to learn the hard way. You might as well start looking for someone who doesn't still have feelings for her ex. You'll find someone :)

Hey. Thank Zoey. Funny, but someone three messages down has the same problem. Be nice if people were more decisive. You just hurting another person and wasting their time if you are going to flip flop back and forth between two people, and not know what you are doing. My sitution is a little different, because the ex was really and intrusive too.

Well give the girl the FACTS! get her out to coffee or just out on a walk and tell her how her life is going to be with you, your educated, smart, witty, and 100 other things her Ex is NOT. Then on that same note tell her what that P.O.S. ex has to offer, a coke addiction, drug problems and abuse, make a point that he is not going anywhere in life. Ask her if that's the kind of life she wants for herself the crap hole she wants to put herself in out of some bullied mis-guided feelings. If she can't make an educated answer from their then she is not worth YOUR time friend.

Just remember be confident like you said you are and make the picture clear that you don't need her in your life but she is a great addition to it but also that being with you is the obvious choice to make.

Something like this MIGHT work it might not, but at least you won't drop to the ex's level.

You're absolutely right. It is hurtful and I've been in that situation before too. It's kind of up to the person you're with, though, to be like "hey, back off. I'm involved with someone." I think if the person really wanted the relationship to work he/she would make it a point to tell the ex to leave the two of you alone.