Ask Me Help Desk - Marriage problems

:confused:Am married and not happy. I can not get an ex lover out of the head. I think about them all the time. We speak often but do not see each other. We are in different states. Marriage was all right for awhile but rough times now. This other person I feel is my soul mate but not sure what to do about my husband. He does love me I and I love him just not in the same way. Every time I try to connect with my husband the other persons face appears in my head and I remember our moments together. Just don't what to do. I know it is my decision to make but any insight would be helpful.

If you want your marriage to work, then you're going to have to stop talking to your ex. You're just asking for trouble talking to an ex regularly. If you keep talking to him of course you're going to think of him.

Yes, break off all contact, start counseling with your husband

Out of sight, out of mind, it's time to have no contact with the ex for the sake of your marriage.

Yes, it's your choice, it was also your choice to get married, you took vows, if they meant anything to you then you need to do everything in your power to make this work.

Forget the other guy, concentrate on your husband.

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nenner1066

Am married and not happy. I can not get an ex lover out of the head...I know it is my decision to make but any insight would be helpful.

Nenner, you made your decision already. You stood at the altar and before the universe you pledged a blood oath to this man for your entire lives. You've decided.

Someone failed to point out to you that forsaking all others didn't just mean resisting temptations presented in the guise of other men, it also means resisting the temptations that creep up from your own mind. You "forsake" you right to consider other men at all.

This ex is not the only man who can and WILL grab ahold of your head. Men will turn your attentions forever. You got married, you didn't stop being a human. The attraction to others is automatic, you do nothing to cause it.

But that's irrelevant now. Getting married means you've promised to deal with issues in ways single people do not. You promised to sacrifice and defer to this man for all time. This means you never dwell on these thoughts, you do not entertain them past the fleeting moment of their arrival, and you never, never NEVER act on them in any way. Ever.

I know our culture seems to think "for better or worse" really just means "unless you change your mind"... but it doesn't. It means "for better or worse, I'll stay by your side, include you in my problems and my successes and confide in you even if it hurts." That's what you promised.

So that's what you do. You already decided.

Stop worrying about the ex's face popping up. That's normal, and human. But you smile at that memory, nod at it, chuckle, then go back to your real life that is full of real love and real commitment. Just like you promised you would.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Nenner, you made your decision already. You stood at the altar and before the universe you pledged a blood oath to this man for your entire lives. You've decided.

Someone failed to point out to you that forsaking all others didn't just mean resisting temptations presented in the guise of other men, it also means resisting the temptations that creep up from your own mind. You "forsake" you right to consider other men at all.

This ex is not the only man who can and WILL grab ahold of your head. Men will turn your attentions forever. You got married, you didn't stop being a human. The attraction to others is automatic, you do nothing to cause it.

But that's irrelevant now. Getting married means you've promised to deal with issues in ways single people do not. You promised to sacrifice and defer to this man for all time.

I know our culture seems to think "for better or worse" really just means "unless you change your mind"...but it doesn't. It means "for better or worse, I'll stay by your side, include you in my problems and my successes and confide in you even if it hurts." That's what you promised.

So that's what you do. You already decided.

Stop worrying about the ex's face popping up. That's normal, and human. But you smile at that memory, nod at it, then go back to your real life that is full of real love and real commitment. Just like you promised you would.

I couldn't agree because I had to spread more rep but this is an awesome answer.

Quote:

I know it is my decision to make but any insight would be helpful.

Stop all contact with the ex, and act like a wife, and focus on making your husband happy.