I'm a combat vet. I have PTSD. When I first came home I was cold to the bone. I couldn't feel anything for anyone. Then I started lashing out at family members and others. Saying hurtful things when they bothered me. I thought I was getting better at one point, I had a good job and I was working out every day. My social life started picking up. I met a girl. Fell completely in love with her. We dated for almost two years but I had trust issues. It didn't help that she was gorgeous, flirtatious and strong willed. I tried to communicate with her and even gave her a book on ptsd. I don't think she took it seriously. One night we got into a fight and she punched me in the face, I immediately hit the wall. She started trying to egg me on, telling me to hit her, she was treating it as foreplay. I tried to tell her that I don't want to access the violent part of me. She called me boring. I thought she was a reckless free spirit and she told me that I was too controlling and overprotective. I agree that I am overprotective but the world I have seen is dangerous. Anyhow, she left me for a "friend" of mine and basically advertised it. I mean, come on, I'm a guy with trust issues and up two three people betrayed me. So I feel a little angry, depressed and my ptsd symptoms are acting up. In an attempt to overcompensate for being so twisted inside I acted very open with all of these people. I was very complimentary and caring. They saw it as me being insecure. I was just trying to learn how to be close with people again. I feel like going cold again. I'm just in a really dark place right now. All of these "kids" involved just don't get it. The amount of energy I expend to control myself is exhausting.

First off, thank you for your time in Iraq. Second, lets try to figure things out together. I am almost homeless but very honest and trust worthy. I have many of your insecurities and have never served in the Armed Forces. Hang in there man, it's the society we live in that doesn't understand or care about us.

I don't have PTSD, but may be able to help. I need it too

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I too have PTSD from when I was deployed. Mine was so bad it caused me to separate from active duty and almost gave me resentment because I felt that he military did not protect me from this situation like they should have. I too have total trust issues and have been betrayed alot. It does not feel good and could be depressing at times. I think the only things that get me through the days are God and lots of prayer. My husband betrayed me and to this day I cannot trust him as far as I can throw him. I am also praying to get over it. Please talk to someone because it can be dangerous to your health and you are far too important in life to let this control you. I will pray for you and hope things start looking up for you.

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Originally Posted by inertia

I'm a combat vet. I have PTSD. When I first came home I was cold to the bone. I couldn't feel anything for anyone. Then I started lashing out at family members and others. Saying hurtful things when they bothered me. I thought I was getting better at one point, I had a good job and I was working out every day. My social life started picking up. I met a girl. Fell completely in love with her. We dated for almost two years but I had trust issues. It didn't help that she was gorgeous, flirtatious and strong willed. I tried to communicate with her and even gave her a book on ptsd. I don't think she took it seriously. One night we got into a fight and she punched me in the face, I immediately hit the wall. She started trying to egg me on, telling me to hit her, she was treating it as foreplay. I tried to tell her that I don't want to access the violent part of me. She called me boring. I thought she was a reckless free spirit and she told me that I was too controlling and overprotective. I agree that I am overprotective but the world I have seen is dangerous. Anyhow, she left me for a "friend" of mine and basically advertised it. I mean, come on, I'm a guy with trust issues and up two three people betrayed me. So I feel a little angry, depressed and my ptsd symptoms are acting up. In an attempt to overcompensate for being so twisted inside I acted very open with all of these people. I was very complimentary and caring. They saw it as me being insecure. I was just trying to learn how to be close with people again. I feel like going cold again. I'm just in a really dark place right now. All of these "kids" involved just don't get it. The amount of energy I expend to control myself is exhausting.

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Again, thank you for your service. My husband also served in Iraq and after being home now for three years, he was just diagnosed with PTSD. Please, contact your local VA... there is help for you... he actually got a call from the VA to see if he had experienced any symptoms or had any unreported injuries (which he does have). So, needless to say, after three years, he is finally getting some help. It can be yours too, it takes a call to the VA. Tell them you want an evaulation and they should get you in, if you have been home less than six years.

Good Luck to you and hang in there!

I feel the VA does not care and is doing nothing more than damage control. The process to get PTSD disability is a long brutal process with multiple denials and low ball ratings. If we worked for a paper mill and were injured we would have our benefits in a month. We are vets and PTSD costs our government a lot of money. Its cheaper for us to go to jail or blow our brains out for the government. You have to fight for your benefits and you have to protect yourself from nut job women who will put you in prison. We all have betray issues from buddies not performing and the government not standing behind us when we are injured. We are a different bread, We are Americans who die and fight for Americans. We really have no support or protection when we spin out and knock some jerk out. We pay the price and the government saves a dime on each one of us who snaps. Hang in there and surround yourself with good people. Volunteer as a firefighter you will meet another bread, nice caring kind people who have balls and will walk into the flames to save lives..

Ok this might not be what you want or expect to hear, but I too suffer from PTSD except mine developed after witnessing my husband shot himself in the head. I have found that PTSD makes it pretty much impossible to be around a lot of the time, and even more so to be in a relationship. I am not a mean or angry person, or at least I use to not be, but I find that now days the slightest noise can set off this fire inside of me! I am studying psychology now trying to gain a better understanding of PTSD, but from what I have learned so far is my stratel response is at extremes and my anger outbursts stem from stimuli such as being startled. On top of the depression from what I went through losing the love of my life one month short of our 5 year anniversary. I have since began dating a man who at first was god sent, he understood perfectly that I had issues, and he remembered and avoided my triggers. But recently our relationship has sunk. We are arguing all the time and that tells me that maybe he might have wanted to be understanding and maybe he wants to be there for me, but in reality how can I expect him to understand and be there for me when I can't do those things for myself? Not to mention I too thought I was dealing with everything, I was able to leave my house find a job and started socializing as well, all this in the first year! However now at the 2 year mark I am again without a job, don't really leave the house much and every tiny noise scares the crap out of me. The nightmares have returned and life has pretty much vanished for me. I was wondering how long has it been since you returned with PTSD? And just a side note, my new boyfriend and your ex seem a lot alike, he as well has a "violent" fetish for lack of a better word. I am currently experiencing a new symptom that I have yet to find the answer to... Memory loss, I can hold a conversation with you one day and swear till I'm blue in the face the next that it never happened. Have you had this problem? I mean I know that it's a symptom, but why is the question I'm trying to answer. Anyway I know this is a long rambling response, but I thought maybe it might help to let you know that you are not alone in the problems you face and that maybe the you thought you had it under control part was just that the full range of symptoms hadn't set in yet, which would lead me to say talk to your psych. See if there is anything new triggering this or if it's just newly surfaced symptoms that you can treat. Best of luck in the relationship field... And I'm here if you need to ramble back!