I have a female friend whom I know professionally (we are both lawyers). Recently she invited me to lunch, and I accepted the invitation and we had a nice time. A week later (to return the favor) I invited her to lunch and that was nice too. Shortly after that, she invited me to a friend's house for after-hours drinks and I accepted. After that, she invited me again to that same friend's house for his birthday party and I accepted that invitation as well.

She's a very nice person, is single and a few years younger than I. When we went to lunch last she mentioned certain movies, asked if I had seen them, and talked about restaurants she liked and so on. I enjoy her company and would like to be closer friends but I have no interest in her romantically because I'm gay. The problem is, I get the feeling that she is going to be asking me out on a date sometime soon (something a bit more serious than just the lunch-type dates) and I'm unsure how to respond. So my question is, if she asks me out on a date, should I simply decline without explanation, explain that I'd love to get to know her better but she should know that I'm gay and not available to a woman and accept if she'd just like to be friends, decline with an excuse that hints that I'm gay (like, "thank's but I'm going out with my male friend to dinner that night and a movie') or is there some other approach that might be better?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Probably would have been good to drop a hint that you were gay a bit earlier, as she may have got the wrong impression. I agree that she sounds interested in you.

I think the direct approach would be best.

"Susan, I've really been enjoying getting to know you. But you do know I'm gay, don't you?" Hopefully, you can both laugh it off. If she looks surprised and upset, tell her you didn't mean to mislead her, and hope she'll want to stay friends, etc.

Give her a little time to absorb it...
If she doesn't invite you anywhere after that, I'd wait a few weeks and then invite her somewhere to test the waters.

Cheers,
Asking

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Originally Posted by asking

Probably would have been good to drop a hint that you were gay a bit earlier, as she may have got the wrong impression. I agree that she sounds interested in you.

I think the direct approach would be best.

"Susan, I've really been enjoying getting to know you. But you do know I'm gay, don't you?" Hopefully, you can both laugh it off. If she looks surprised and upset, tell her you didn't mean to mislead her, and hope she'll want to stay friends, etc.

Give her a little time to absorb it...
If she doesn't invite you anywhere after that, I'd wait a few weeks and then invite her somewhere to test the waters.

Cheers,
Asking

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Thanks Asking, that's nice advice. My initial thought was that I would just accept the invitation because, after all, a date is just a date and is noncommital. It doesn't have to mean all that much. You know, I was thinking if the evening was otherwise free, why not? But then I had an afterthought and decided that would be awkward and would probably send the wrong message (like I'm available or something) and I didn't want to do that. I asked a gay friend what he thought and he said, "just say no" or "I'm not interested in dating." Of course, I could say that but I didn't want to be cold. Then I thought the gay hint thing was the way to go (you know, "I've going to a movie with this guy I know".. )

Oh dude, accept the invitation and say "hey, i'll tell you a secret, know what it is??" Then tell her straight forward "i'm gay!!! Shhh dont tell anyone, i really trust you to tell you this."

You could tell her in such a way as to make her feel good- Like, You know if I wasn't gay I would totally fall for you- or something like that.

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Originally Posted by spyderglass

You could tell her in such a way as to make her feel good- Like, You know if I wasn't gay I would totally fall for you- or something like that.

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That's not bad. I did want to respond in some way that sort of got the message across that I was gay. I don't know but I think I should be able to come up with something better than, "thanks, but no thanks."