I don't know where else to turn for help. I am a 30 year old woman who is almost ten weeks pregnant and I'm devastated. For the simple fact the father is putting me through a living hell. I was married once before and have a 6year old daughter who has a GREAT dad. He is so involved in her life and is there for my daughter unconditionally. My daughte suffers terribly from our divorce and it kills me. Now, I met this guy about 2years ago, I guess stayed with him for the wrong reasons and now I'm pregnant. I thought this pregnancy would "SAVE" him. He suffers from alcoholism. He basically has no family and I am the only thing besides the bottle he has. I constantly fight with him about this. I am starting to resent him and cry myself to sleep every single night. I regret ever leaving my ex-husband. For the famous saying the grass isn't always greener. That is so true. I thought at 35 years old this guy would grow up once he found out he was going to be a father for the first time. He says he is trying and I guess in his simple mind he is. He also said everything will change when the baby is here. I don't know how I will do this. By myself? Financially? What will my daughter do? My family think? Will this baby have a chance? PLEASE help!!

Well that's sad... is he abusive? Your daughter will be going throw some thangs because it's a difficult time fa her. If he can't or wnt try to stop drinking now then its gone be even harder later that's what I think... and just because theirs a baby on da way don mean he gon change and sweetie don't stress out don't cry yourself to sleep okay..

No he's not abusive. He hasn't hit me. Your right thank you for your answer. I just feel like I'm going to face a lifetime of misery. And my poor daughter is part of the reason for the saddness.

If your family doesn't yet know about the pregnancy, let them know. You need to have support around you that you can depend on. What has this new man done in order to help himself? Has he sought out counseling, help from his doctor, etc. If he is truly making an effort to change for the better, support him in that, if he isn't... let him know that you won't continue to allow yourself to be exposed to such behavior. It is not healthy for any of you and you certainly don't want to bring a new baby into such a situation if you can avoid it.

Plenty of women manage just fine on their own... whether through choice or necessity, and since you at least have help with your older daughter from her father, you do have at least some support. There is a great deal of support available to single mothers, sometimes you just have to look for it. Your doctor or child's doctor would be able to help you with what is available in your area.

Don't know what your relationship is like with the father of your first child... any chance of that redeveloping or is it more likely wishful thinking on your part because of the stress you feel at the moment?

You can do this if you have to... always good to have a plan B, but see how this baby's father does over the next couple of months... how much effort he really puts into it. Have your ducks in a row if you have to make some tough decisions down the road. He may do really well after the baby arrives, sometimes a birth does foster change, but you do need to know what is available to cover yourself and your children in case he doesn't.

Dear Doula,

His change has been cutting back on the bar scene, and trying to come home earlier than 2am. But for an alcoholic, I guess that is significant. He is not an evil person, but he does need serious help.

About my daughter's father, he is a gem. We lost that loving feeling I guess you can say. I will miss him terribly. He does help significantly. But I doubt he would ever come back. He is free now and likes his freedom.

I am praying for a miracle... It's going to be one long tough road ahead that frightens me.

I totally understand what you are going through at this moment. We all were created with a power to choose. There are times that the choices we make doesn't seem to be the right one. Ms softball8161978... there is so much hope for you if only you will really this time put your foot down and stop being a victim once and for all. Have you not learned from the past pains that you've experienced. Tell yourself that you have still a life to live and with that life that is in your tummy... YOU just stop being selfish... women's existence are not validated by men... JUST STOP it,, TIME TO LET GO>>>it's not worth it to live with that kind of guy,, JUST DO IT<<<i'm just being straight and in your face with you>>>this is your precious life that we are talking about here... I've friends who got out of toxic relationships and mind you they are so much happier, younger looking and vibrant now compared when they were with men that are like the ones you were with... you have got to move on,, regarding finances,, what are you good at and in that area make money from it,, do some sales... only the lazy people doesn't eat... it's in your hands and so with your life,, remember the story of the wise king when a boy asked him if the bird he was holding at his back was alive or not, the king said you know the answer. If I'll say it's dead you will let it fly,, but if I'll say it's alive you will squueze it to death,, same with your case,, no matter how many hundreds of people will advice you here it totally depends on you... YOU HAVE THE LAST SAY ON THE MATTER,, THIS TIME WAKE UP AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE!!

Hi, I am 30 and pregnant for the first time. The dad is an to me, and is putting me through hell also. He already has one child but I guess this one is different to him. I was so upset at first. It took a few months but it will all work out I promise. At 10 weeks I was crying everyday... now at 4 months I am OK. You will be fine. It's the guys loss not yours!