Hi all,

Some of you might know my story, most probably don't. Anyway I have just broken up with my very beautiful girflriend of 7 years and am coming to grips with facing this big wild world or being a man alone for the first time.

Am having a tough time dealing with it but with the advice from on here and my great friends and family I am going OK. It has been two months now since I have spoken to her. No contact at all and I feel it is helping me. I'm petrified for some reason about the next time I see her. The person I was so comfortable with and could share evry emotion with now scares me. Weird!!

Very strange and sad feeling after having someone for 7 years and now I haven't spoken to her for two months. She hasn't contacted me either.

That kind of hurts a little. I think about her everyday and hope she is well and happy. I want to call and ask her how she is doing but I don't want to contact her. It won't help me at all. She is a good person and doesn't have a hurtful bone in her body which is why it makes me sad a little to think that she may not even care how I am. I'm glad she hasn't contacted me but in a way wish she had tried. I wouldn't answer anyway I suppose.

I seen her sister last night who I was pretty much a big brother to. She loved me a lot and I loved her. But she tried her best to ignore me. We end up saying a brief hello and both went on. Very short. She pretended not to see me. I didn't really care or let it bother me last night. I particualry didn't want her to think that I needed her to talk to me because that wasn't the case at all. I'm actually going all right and getting over not only her sister but the loss of her whole family that I loved. When I think about it this morning I get a little upset. Here is a girl that I have known since she was a little 11 year old and I have cared and loved her for her last 7 years and she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Her sister (my ex) and I didn't have a messy break up. We shouldn't have to ignore one another. It makes me more scared as to how it is going to to feel the next time I see my ex.

Anyway off on another direction, the other day I handed in my last ever University paper. So I've graduated pretty much after 6 years of hard work. Very satisfying. Anyway I was sitting in my office reading about the upcoming world cup in germany, which Australia (where I'm from) has qualified for the first time in 30 years. So I went to my travel agent that afternoon and booked an air fare and now I'm going to germany. I never do stuff like that. Completely unplanned and off the cuff. I'm looking forward to it as I love germany and football is a passion of mine. But am I running. Is this a reaction to not completely getting over my first and only love so far. Will this be good for me or am I running? I don't look at it this way. I just look at it as doing something I know will be with me forever. But I mean I'm travelling half way around the world on my own completely unplanned. In a way I'm doing to prove to myself that I can do things on my own and look afer myself I suupsoe. For 7 years we did everything together. Now we are doing them alone.

Sorry about the long post and the number of different tangents but it's a Monday morning and I'm feeling lots of emotions for some reason and I just love sharing things on here. It is a massive outlet for me.

P.S. Chery how is the weather in Munich at the moment? Do I need warm clothes. It is meant to be your summer but I hear it was snowing in souther germany the other day??

It's only running if you don't come back! I don't see any evidence in your information that even remotely suggests you are signing up for that notorious "geographical cure" (which doesn't work for the most part).

It's good to have a change of venue; it can precipitate a change in point of view, which you may need. The aftermath of any serious relationship is always difficult and it's only natural to feel tenderfooted or even unnerved for a while. Regardless of how a relationship ends, re-inventing oneself is often required, and yourself exploration and new found spontaneity seems fitting too.

I am only beginning to know you but I can say that I like the gutsiness you're manifesting here... just don't let it slip over some line into things you wish you hadn't while you are so far from home, okay? That can be a temptation for some folks. I can tell you are being thoughtful which is good too.

I am glad you posted and I hope this helps too.

Firstly id like to say I'm sorry!
I have been with my partner for 8 years and I just can't comprehend what it must mean.

But I think you are doing the best thing you can do. I know I would do just the same, and my hubby did the same when his ex broke up with him.. he travelled... then bumped into me ;)

No I don't think you are running, and even if you were its for a good cause. YOURSELF!

It will do you a world of good and you will meet great people and enjoy this marvellous experience :)

Good Luck

HI,
No, I also don't feel this is "running away".
The change of scenery, people, new places, etc, will be good for you.
Seven years is a long time, and it will take time to get over her. My first "real true love", lasted 6 years. Then, when we both went away to different colleges, I got a letter saying she had found someone and "was in love"... funny; thought she was in love with me! I was 22 at the time. Took me a year before I could actually start dating. Quite a shock.
I wish you the best, and hope you really have a LOT of FUN on your trip. Meeting and talking with new people really helps. You will never forget her, but can, in time, put it behind you, and move on.

You've made some good moves as far as I can tell,so a vacation is more than in order so enjoy it! Congrats on completing University!:cool: :)

Skell - I think that's good... you're growing - you NEED change at this point.

It most likely could take up to a year to get over her. No question.

Just keep up the no contact.

I think you missed an opportunity to make an impression with her sister. Maybe you did any way. You could have said to her "life is great, tell her what's going - AND NOT ASK ABOUT HER SISTER."

This would have made her wonder.

I am aslso wondering if your gal wanted to get married or move the relationship forward and you held back?? Most women want to marry or they'll end - especially after 7 years.

First of all, congragulations on your graduation. I don't think there's anything wrong with spontaneously traveling to Germany ; it sounds like a great thing to do. You're actually experiencing one of the upsides of being free and single. Being married with kids that's not something I can do, as much as I'd like to. Don't get me wrong ; I don't resent being a husband and a father because of all the things I can't do, but realize that everything in life has its ups and downs. That includes, among other things, having a relationship as well as not having a relationship. It's really unfortunate that you invested 7 years in each other only to have it end this way. You didn't elaborate too much on why you broke up but I can't help but wonder why. Being recently graduated from university I presume that you're in your early to mid 20s. If that's so then that means you met this person while you were in your early to mid teens. That might be what sabotaged things ; maybe you got too serious at too young an age. Nowadays western culture is such that it isn't exactly romance friendly, at least not in the "together forever" sense, to young people.

Heyy

Congratulations on your graduation. I also want to let you know that I do not think you are running away. I think you were in a serious relationship for 7 years and now you have time to do what YOU want. So do it- just go, and have as much fun as possible. I think a change of scenery and a possible new life is an awesome thing for you to be able to experience. I just got out of a 2 year relationship, and where 2 years in comparison with 7 is not much, I do know the pain you feel in wondering why she hasn't contacted you just to see how you are. My ex and I broke up a month ago, and I have cut all ties with him- I just feel it is easier this way to move on with my life, and for him too. He hasn't tried to contact me at all. I wrote him a letter the other night, just saying I was sorry that we didn't make it and that I thought he deserved a good life- basically wishing him well- and I saw that he posted it on live journal and said that it showed how grown up I was and how he respected me because he had wanted to say those things to me but couldnt- my point, I think maybe that she does still think of u, but she wants to move on and wants you to as well. Maybe in time she will contact u. I also understand how you feel with the family thing. I was very close with my exs mom, dad and brother- I know 2 years cannot compare, but I loved them and letting them go was just as hard as letting him go. I still wonder if they care about me, and what they think of me. I think that the best thing to do is to let go, go to germany and have fun- its hard I know, you might not be ready to date and you might compare every girl to your ex, but getting out there, seeing the world and living is going to at least give you something to take your mind off her. Its OK to cry- letting go doesn't mean you aren't allowed to still mourn her. I hope this has helped you- and if you ever need to talk you can message me. Hope all goes well for you- remember- you get a second chance at a new life! You get to fall in love again- and I know its scary and maybe your not ready now, but remember when you first fell for your ex? Well you get to have that again- sorry this was so long, but hope it helped!

Thanks everyone for the great advice. And you just confirmed what I thought.. that this is simply a bi-product of being single and I should be taking oppurtunities like this while I can.
Wildcat that is exactly what I said to her sister. She asked me how I was going and I told her life was great and I can't wait to be heading off to germany next week. She just looked at me a bit stunned and then I said well bye and we both moved on. As I said at the time it didn't really worry me that we didn't talk. I was having a great time with my friends and enjoying a night on the town. I just supoose the next morning when I thought about it a little I thought that it was a shame that after 7 years of being in her life like a big brother that the best we could offer was a 30 second conversation. But I realsise I suppose that is what you lose when you lose a relationship. Not just the girlfriend.
As far as taking things to the next level / marriage etc I really don't think that this was the cause. Gee if it was then I would have had no hesitation. But we did talk about those things and we had decided that at 24 we may still be a little young but it was definitely what we both looked forward to in a couple of years. Marriage and children. I do have to add that we are both fairly mature and level headed for our age. As you have said before wildcat maybe this is some of the reason she broke up with me. That she needed the wild girl stage in her life that she missed out on for many reasons.
We had done a bit of travelling together and wanted to do a little more before settling down. I hope it wasn't the problem because all she would have had to do was have a frank conversation with me that this is what she wanted or she was leaving and I'm sure we could have worked something out. We always did in that sense. I was not scared of marriage although realising it is a big step..
And cianci we did get together at a yuong age and this has often crossed my mind that it was probably a major factor in us breaking up. I just thought that after 7 years perhaps we had overcome that barrier of being together at too young an age. Because our love certainly developed over this time in to something very very strong. It certainly wasn't just a puppy love thing that you may develop in High School. I still don't know fully the reason why we broke up but I have spent enough time sending myself crazy looking for answers. I know it wasn't another man (I have investigated that path). I think it is simply that she told me the truth that she wasn't in love with me anymore. It hurt but she was couragous enough to tell me the truth and at this stage I can't dislike her for that. All I can do is just move on and take the advice I get from on here and my family and friends.
Anyway thanks again for the great responses. It is really appreciated.

Good! Glad you handled the situation with the sister that way.

Yep, she never got to experience Wild Girl stage - most women need this - and it can cause divorce for women in their 30's... they think they may have missed something. I think it's a huge factor in divorce that's over looked - something I will write about in my book.

I girl I dated last year experienced this - I've seen it so many times. I've seen many women go through this.

Hi dear, the weather is improving and you should only need a light jacket for the evenings.

It's good that you are doing something that you enjoy - and a change of scenery is just what the doctor ordered..

You'll get over the pain - we all do, it will take time. But, as you probably know - you are not alone and will survive it.

Enjoy your stay in Germany - have a super time!

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