Ask Me Help Desk - What is going on here?

I don't know what to do. I have read that when a girl wants to take a break it is best to just leave it and don't talk to her and don't try to talk to her at all.

My girlfriend has been talking about it for a while, and shows signs of wanting to be with other people and go to partys more than being with me. But we still hang out a lot.

Last week I let her stay the week with me while she had her moms house worked on and everything went great.

This weekend she didn't talk to me at all after everything seemed so great last week. She ended up last night messing around with another guy and came to me today to tell me basically I guess she wanted to move on.

I poured my heart out to her today and can get past what happened last night, but she says she sees me as her best friend.

We have been together for almost 2 years and have been so close. She had no friends really for a long time, and then me and her were together all the time, and now she has found a group of friends she enjoys hanging out with and is thinking she wants to leave me and that we are just friends.

I have told her that I can change and I can be a better boyfriend. She has stuck with me through times I have cheated on her and everything.

Tonight though, since she came to tell me she was breaking up actually, she is still here and she wants to do something we've never done before which is take a shower together haha.

So what do I do? She says she likes the guy she was with, and I'm her best friend, but here she is ready to take a shower with me.

I have been sick about this. I have been close to puking, and could not sleep last night so I took nyquil to try to help. I have a constant pain in my stomach.

I'm so scared that she is just building me up again tonight and is going to let me down in a few days and end up making me miserable again.

Should I just enjoy this night and try to make it special, and then after that not try to contact her but answer if she calls or text? It's so hard not to try to talk to her, but most people say that is the best thing to do!

I'm desperate! I want to marry this girl! And she wanted to marry me and live with me, but I put it off and now it's like she has moved on.

Hellllllllllp

Well JT, you've learned a valuable lesson and you've learned it the hard way. But basically from everything you write this relationship is over and it's been over for a long time. It may have never started from her point of view.

You are breaking every relationship rule and hoping against hope that it will work for you, you even admit that you are desperate which is the exact opposite of what a woman wants from a man. You have to get out now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

I dont know what to do. i have read that when a girl wants to take a break it is best to just leave it and don't talk to her and dont try to talk to her at all.

You have read correctly. If you make yourself available to someone who doesn't want you, then that just confirms to her you have no value.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

my girlfriend has been talking about it for a while, and shows signs of wanting to be with other people and go to partys more than being with me. but we still hang out a lot.

She's hanging out with you because she wants a back up plan and by her own admission she just sees you as friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

last week i let her stay the week with me while she had her moms house worked on and everything went great.

But what is your definition of great? I have the feeling you did everything for her and she got a free place to stay. What was not great for her? She didn't have to pay for a hotel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

this weekend she didn't talk to me at all after everything seemed so great last week.

You mean after she got a free week's stay at your expense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

she ended up last night messing around with another guy and came to me today to tell me basically I guess she wanted to move on.

She told you she messed around with another guy when she told you she was moving on? That's not dumping somebody that she considers a friend. That's being cruel and driving the point home at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

i poured my heart out to her today and can get past what happened last night,

Women want a real man. Women want a man that's strong and will defend himself. Pouring your heart out and telling her you can get past what happened when she hooked up with another guy is not only giving her power over you which makes you look weak in her eyes, it's the exact reason she told you she hooked up with someone else in the first place. She knows you'll never leave which means you'll always be available for her and something that is always available is not worth much. You always have to be prepared to walk away because if you can't then she will think you have no self respect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

but she says she sees me as her best friend.

I treat my best friend better then your best friend treats you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

we have been together for almost 2 years and have been so close.

You have been close to her... you can never speak for her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

she had no friends really for a long time, and then me and her were together all the time, and now she has found a group of friends she enjoys hanging out with and is thinking she wants to leave me and that we are just friends.

She used you when she didn't have anybody, but you said it yourself. You were together all the time, like friends are. You've always been friends in her eyes, to you she was a lover, to her you were friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

i have told her that i can change and i can be a better boyfriend.

You are begging. Do you like it when homeless people beg from you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

she has stuck with me through times i have cheated on her and everything.

The fact that she stayed with you, and what you write about her, this just confirms she never was in love with you, she just saw you as friends until she found someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

tonight though, since she came to tell me she was breaking up actually, she is still here and she wants to do something we've never done before which is take a shower together haha.

haha. BWHAHAHAHA. OMG. LOL. You have have no idea what's she's doing do you? She's already told you she sees you as a friend. She's already told you she's leaving you. Now she is willing to do the something you've never done before. She's stringing you along. She's keeping you interested in case the other guy doesn't work out. You are the back up plan. She is disrespecting you, and you are allowing it. Women may take showers with guys like that, but they don't like them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

so what do i do? she says she likes the guy she was with, and i'm her best friend, but here she is ready to take a shower with me.

I'd tell her your not interested tonight. She's not expecting that, so start throughing her off her game.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

i have been sick about this. i have been close to puking, and could not sleep last night so i took nyquil to try to help. i have a constant pain in my stomach.

So why do you keep rewarding her by being around her and letting her punish you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

i'm so scared that she is just building me up again tonight and is going to let me down in a few days and end up making me miserable again.

You got it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

should i just enjoy this night and try to make it special, and then after that not try to contact her but answer if she calls or text? it's so hard not to try to talk to her, but most people say that is the best thing to do!

Make this night special? What does that mean? She just wants to get nailed by her friend with benefits. There is nothing special about getting used by her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

i'm desperate! i want to marry this girl! and she wanted to marry me and live with me, but i put it off and now it's like she has moved on.

I don't think she was ever that into you. She sounds like she's always just seen you as a friend, and now that someone else with some interest has come along she's moving on to him, but using you as the back up plan.

Tell her you love her, and give her what she wants. Disappear from her life, and leave her alone.

Skip the shower just leave her alone.

Tonight we had a shower. Had great talks. That's something we stopped doing. We never just talk and joke. We sat in the bathtub and talked for a while. We had sex and I did something I never have done before, I came inside her, and she isn't on the pill.

I am going insane here, I can't believe I did that.

After all that we were laying and talking and she is saying she wants to be with me maybe now but we have to see how things go.

So she falls asleep and I find a cell phone charger because she let her phone die thinking I wouldn't be able to look in it. Okay... now this is psycho and bad I know, but I feel like I'm going crazy here... so I got a charger and started looking at the text. She was telling her friends that she likes the other guy and how she told me that it was over. She told three people the same thing. And then she told the guy she likes that same thing and that she wanted to see him again.

That was before we did the shower and everything else. She said she will hang with him tomorrow, but she just said she'll spend the day with me.

So I'm thinking she will probably just at some point tomorrow leave me and then go be with him. If this happens, I will try to keep my cool and not talk anymore.

I did a great thing tonight by showing affection, which is something I don't do enough of and she loves. So maybe it will stick in her head and she will want to be with me.

I hope

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtballer

Tonight we had a shower. had great talks. that's somethin we stopped doing. we never just talk and joke. we sat in the bathtub and talked for a while. we had sex and i did something i never have done before, i came inside her, and she isn't on the pill.

i am going insane here, i can't believe i did that.

after all that we were laying and talking and she is saying she wants to be with me maybe now but we have to see how things go.

so she falls asleep and i find a cell phone charger because she let her phone die thinking i wouldn't be able to look in it. okay... now this is psycho and bad i know, but i feel like i'm going crazy here.... so i got a charger and started looking at the text. she was telling her friends that she likes the other guy and how she told me that it was over. she told three people the same thing. and then she told the guy she likes that same thing and that she wanted to see him again.

that was before we did the shower and everything else. she said she will hang with him tommorrow, but she just said she'll spend the day with me.

so i'm thinking she will probably just at some point tommorrow leave me and then go be with him. if this happens, i will try to keep my cool and not talk anymore.

i did a great thing tonight by showing affection, which is something i don't do enough of and she loves. so maybe it will stick in her head and she will want to be with me.

i hope

I'm lost, why are you still talking to her?

Think, think, THINK, man. You HAVE to get this right. Love is just the spark that lights the fire, it is NOT the fuel that sustains it. This girl has no fuel to offer, this fire has burned itself out. All you're feeling now is the residual heat and it's all on your side alone.

Say this out loud until it sinks in... "I want to marry a girl who is totally into ME and makes my life better by the joy she brings me."

Over and over man. You love this girl? So what? What good is one-sided love? It's good for making movies and selling books, it's not good for you to spend any more of your precious time on.

Hopefully you're not pregnant, we'll see. I promise she will keep coming back to your side for some occasional booty. That's not good for you either, is it?

Your future is being written for you and it's not good. You need to break away or the universe will make some really bad choices for you. Think, man, think.

But she is not like this. I have just pushed her myself to this point by not being a good boyfriend. I take her for granted and she is great to me. She has just had enough I think. I really feel I have woken up and am ready to make this work and tonight was a start. It was a great night.

I told her that this can work, but she has to help me, because if all I hear is bad things and I can't trust her, then I can't be happy around her because I'll always be thinking about those things instead of just having a good time together.

She said she is going to. I don't know...

You seem very clingy. Fix that.

Quote:

But she is not like this

Yes she is, and your letting your feelings blind you to reality.

Can't you see the whole purpose of this farce with the shower was to keep your nose open, just in case this other guy is a dud??

Wow, you both cheat on each other, not a great foundation to build a relationship on if you ask me. Then you go and shower with her AFTER she tells you that it's over, which makes a lot of senses,not. Don't forget about busting inside her, because that screams "SMART MOVE" I've heard of trapping by females before, but perhaps that's what's going on here. Just let it die, the flame has been blown out, you steady trying to strike a burnt match.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Yes she is, and your letting your feelings blind you to reality.

Can't you see the whole purpose of this farce with the shower was to keep your nose open, just in case this other guy is a dud??????

Reread that. Then read it again. While you're here read it one more time. Also, this is worth another reading. It might be a good idea to just read that one more time.

Has it sunk in yet?

Jt, are you reading any of these responses? Because not only did you make mistakes in the relationship, your making every single mistake after it's over. This woman can not... as in no way, ever, be trusted and it is clear as day to everybody here that you are being used and set up even more. You are the back up plan. You are being used, and you are letting her do it. So with that, let me give you this message.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN!

Now you are already making excuses so I will repeat.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

More excuses.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Wanting to reread.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Let's let it skink in.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

For the love of God, grow a pair and...

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Man, if you're going to ask for advice, you should probably listen a little bit... trying not to be mean, but we're all either going through or have gone through very similar situations.

If you ever have hope of getting this girl back, you got to start being a man in her eyes. THIS MEANS BEING STRONG AND KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT AND KNOWING WHEN TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY NO...

Believe me, I know how hard it is to say no to someone you love with everything you have to give, but if you can't be strong for her, you're no good to her... that's coming from someone who got weak for their girl and lost her because of it...

Just stay strong and GO NC WITH THIS... you got to learn when to walk away...

She is bad news and isn't interested in you. She just wants the attention. Don't talk to her, don't let her in your house. Don't shower together. Stop being clingy and sucky. Just deal with the anxiety quietly and don't tell her you're puking.

You're running on pure emotion; normally that's the woman's role and yourself esteem is so low on yourself you don't see that she's "just not that into you"... she wants to yet explore other avenues... let her. You don't want to be with someone or shouldn't anyway that is not ready to fully be with you... her texts have shown you that. Get over the rejection, get over her lies; she feels bad to totally confront you with it all yet she's moved on here... save yourself respect and leave her alone. If I'm right she'll run back to you then and then you'll need to say I'm sorry but I've moved on... and then do just that. You're not in love; you're in love with the thought of being in love... there's a big difference here and you're really blinded right now...

You are 2nd best to no one my friend

Don't be a puppy dog here

Stand up for self and let her go!

Have some self respect and pride in yourself my friend.

I really feel for you. But you are making THIS SO MUCH HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE!

Get that crazy... carrot holding women out you life now!

I really hope he quits talking to her. It's thanks to reading situations like these and your insights though that I have even been able to better myself and be more of a man with women. Never again will I act clingy and be a beggar preaching "I will do anything for you" because this is what happens.

Okay. After that night. She stayed with me. And she stayed with me all last weekend.

We took a long drive and trip to see friends, and had a great weekend.

I really thought things were getting better.

She has a son who is 2 and I was taking care of him and being the father basically, carrying him around with me and helping him not cry.

She kept telling me she wanted to try with me and make things work every time I asked her.

I have shown her everything I could possibly show her in the last week. I have shown her how much I can give her, and I have done things with her that I have never done with another girl in my life in this last week.

Yet, there is the guy that she likes still. He has left now for a year and will not be back until after then except for maybe two weeks for thanksgiving.

So I asked her a few times if he wasn't leaving would you still be trying to work things out with us? And she kept saying 'honestly, yes' I see a future with us.

And then yesterday he texted her and said I'm not going to keep talking to you behind his back, and you shouldn't have led me on if you were going to keep talking to him.

I think this really hit her because she doesn't know what to do and she decided to break up with me after we have a great week and after repeatedly telling me she wanted to be with me.

Then, she texted her friend and told her we broke up and I saw that she said if he wasn't leaving for a year she wouldn't think twice about leaving me. But she said she needs me and I've been there for her through so much.

But I have done everything I can do now to show her how much I really want her. I made a romantic great dinner scene for her. She cried very hard and enjoyed it.

And then this was the first day since she told me she wanted to break up. I have taken it really really hard and have been calling everyone every minute just to talk to them and keep busy to try to keep my mind off it.

I'm scared I'm going to lose my job because I'm just going to be late or not make it to work because I have trouble sleeping.

And after we ended it yesterday, she already texted me today, just to say did you have fun last night? I'm like... why are you talking to me??

The only thing I have left is to give her space. Try to talk to her as little as possible when she tries to talk to me, and really make her start to beg for me, if she will. If she doesn't, then there's nothing left. If she does, then I have to just hope that she will really see that she loves me and she is confused and see that she really wants me.

If not... then she won't see what I see, and she won't have what she needs to love me.

This is all that's left. If this doesn't work, then I don't know. If she does start to try to be with me again, which I don't get my hopes up for, then I don't know at what point I can accept her back if I want to.

It's hard...

Anyway, there's a higher divorce rate if you sleep w/ the person before marriage- and even higher when you've lived w/ them (contrary to popular belief).

Quote:

Originally Posted by High Max

I really hope he quits talking to her. It's thanks to reading situations like these and your insights though that I have even been able to better myself and be more of a man with women. Never again will I act clingy and be a beggar preaching "I will do anything for you" because this is what happens.

This is not necessarily true. If you find a true, genuine girl who respects you, she'll never do that. If she's a hoe, or you've cheated on her before, it's an inevitable breakup because Karma is a b**** but at least its fair.