You know in my last relationship I got so attached to my ex-girlfriend and her family so much... so quickly! So when the relationship ended... I took the break up very hard... I mean very hard! We were only together for 7months... you know?

But here's the thing... I only get attached to someone that I really like or am falling for or see a lot of potential with... IM NOT JUST SUM GUY WHO GETS ATTACHED TO ANYBODY... ONLY THAT SPECIAL PERSON... I JUST DON'T WANT TO MEET THAT PERFECT GIRL FOR ME THEN MESS IT UP BC I GET TOO ATTACHED... HELP ME OUT GUYS AND GIRLS!!

So for future reference how can I keep myself from getting so attached so early in the relationship that way if things don't workout I can easily move on or if things are great I won't mess up anything... you know?? Any advice?

You know those of you that know my situation (my past relationship WHICH YOU CAN LOOK UP IF YOU WANT)... which was a very emotional, and heartbreaking experience for me I've turned it around, and now am gathering things from it so that I can learn from that experience, so that I won't make the same mistakes with the next special lady that comes into my life... TRYING TO LEARN...

Ok yours is a common problem


Your first relationship.

All butterflys and rainbows.. etc.. etc

Then it ends and its all hell.

Here's the good news. You will never feel the same way! About any other girlfriend again.

Every girl you date. You love in a different way.
The next girl you will date. Could make you feel so confidant and secuer that you will just be so relaxed.

And you wasn't attached to your girlfriend.. OK
We all get attached to our girls

You made HER LIFE.. YOUR LIFE..

Big Big mistake. Grilfriends are part of your life... They are not your life..

You must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in there's.. ( that's girfriends)

You date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and there's begins.

You will shock yourself to see how much you have learnt once the next girl comes along.

Just remember your mistakes and don't make the same ones again.

Also be proud of yourself man you sound like your guilty of your emotions.
Don't be. Enjoy them thast what makes you.. you.

Just remember take it easy. Even if she is the special girl. Don't put them up on an ICON.. just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check

Do not lose yourself in a relationship.
Its an easy thing to do

Best of luck

Duplicate post

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

You know in my last relationship I got so attached to my ex-girlfriend and her family so much...so quickly! So when the relationship ended...I took the break up very hard...I mean very hard! We was only together for 7months...you know?

But here's the thing...I only get attached to someone that I really like or am falling for or see alot of potential with...IM NOT JUST SUM GUY WHO GETS ATTACHED TO ANYBODY...ONLY THAT SPECIAL PERSON...I JUST DON'T WANT TO MEET THAT PERFECT GIRL FOR ME THEN MESS IT UP BC I GET TOO ATTACHED...HELP ME OUT GUYS AND GIRLS!!!

So for future reference how can I keep myself from getting so attached so early in the relationship that way if things don't workout I can easily move on or if things are great I won't mess up anything...you know??? Any advice?

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Work on yourself first the reason we get attached is because we feel incomplete with ourselves, and the only way for some of us to feel value with our lives is the constant need to be in a relationship even if it is unhealthy. For it to happen several times is no coincidence it is a pattern but you the source is coming from you. The questions are how long after breakups are you meeting other women? If it is immediately then you can be setting yourself up for a rebound, and be jaded and see something in a woman that doesn't exist because you missed that relationship with the ex. You Have to make the rules of the relationship, take things slower maybe? When you get in a relationship it doesn't mean you have to give up all our your leisures to be with this one person. Have something to do when you are not with them, don't become dependent on them to make you happy. Space, and time is what will keep you from getting too attached.

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Ok yours is a common problem


your first realtionship.

All butterflys and rainbows.. etc .. etc

then it ends and its all hell.

heres the good news. you will never feel the same way! about any other girlfriend again.

Every girl you date. you love in a different way.
the next girl you will date. could make you feel so confidant and secuer that you will just be so relaxed.

And you wasnt attached to your girlfriend.. ok
we all get attached to our girls

You made HER LIFE.. YOUR LIFE..

Big Big mistake. Grilfriends are part of your life... They are not your life..

you must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in theres.. ( thats girfriends)

you date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and theres begins.

you will shock your self to see how much you have learnt once the next girl comes along.

just remember your mistakes and dont make the same ones again.

also be proud of your self man you sound like your guilty of your emotions.
dont be. enjoy them thast what makes you.. you.

Just remember take it easy. even if she is the special girl. dont put them up on an ICON.. just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check

Do not lose yourself in a realtionship.
its an easy thing to do

best of luck

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So I will never feel like that with no other girl??

And you are right, her life became my life, and I got lost in the relationship... Im not gon lie I do feel guilty about my emotions. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.

We don't have the same feelings foreveryone and for your first love.
It will never be the same

Everything will always hurt.. but the way you deal with it. And act on your emotions will change dramaticly

There are so many different typs of love.

And for sure the next girl you will be with.

You feel different for.

You may still feel the need to be lost in her life
But that's due to your own self worth.
But you will work on that :) and in time it will get better.

Just think how much you have changed already? You are not the same person you was 8 months ago. All these events have an effect on your life and your own personality

Trust me it does get better

This girl wasn't the love of your love life, she was the FIRST love of your life. The fact that you've fallen that deeply for someone is an awesome and good sign. It means you can, and that means you will again.

It's an absolute certainty.

The concerns you've expressed over how hard it feels when it ends... also understandable and normal. I just don't think there's much a truly feeling and caring person can do to avoid that pain. It's part of the process.

Seven months is dead on perfect in my book in terms of having a great relationship turn completely serious and forever, or fall apart.

So, AGAIN, I say you're doing things correctly and should trust yourself. I do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

We dont have the same feelings for everyone and for your first love. It will never be the same

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Yeah... I kind of don't understand what you mean by that... maybe someone can help with that

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Everything will always hurt.. but the way you deal with it. and act on your emotions will change dramaticly

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Yea I will definitely not react that same way ever again... I was blinded... I thought she wanted me and was as hurt as I was... but she wasn't...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

there are so many different types of love.

and for sure the next girl you will be with.

you feel different for.

---

Different types of love?? What you mean by that??
So for the next girl I will feel different? Wow...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

you may still feel the need to be lost in her life
but thats due to your own self worth.
but you will work on that :) and in time it will get better.

just think how much you have changed already? you are not the same person you was 8 months ago. all these events have an effect on your life and your own personality

trust me it does get better

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Yea I have changed... and through time it will get better... but getting lost in someone else's life... no good!. no good!! But it will get better... I hope

Some of what you said I still need clarity on...

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

This girl wasn't the love of your love life, she was the FIRST love of your life. The fact that you've fallen that deeply for someone is an awesome and good sign. It means you can, and that means you will again.

It's an absolute certainty.

The concerns you've expressed over how hard it feels when it ends...also understandable and normal. I just don't think there's much a truly feeling and caring person can do to avoid that pain. It's part of the process.

Seven months is dead on perfect in my book in terms of having a great relationship turn completely serious and forever, or fall apart.

So, AGAIN, I say you're doing things correctly and should trust yourself. I do.

---

Wow... why are first loves like that... and end like that? I don't understand.

The harder the love, the tougher the break up. And with your first you've never been through it so it's all bad and all new... so it can also feel a lot worse than it probably is.

As with anything, experience and repetition equip you to handle situations more smoothly. Right?

You're going to be fine.

There are some things we just can't tell you..

Because you need to live it. To understand it.
If I would have told you that you going into your first love relationship.. that Hey dude your going to put all yourself into it and probable wind up getting hurt..

You still would not believe me or understand fully in what I was saying. You would think tp yourself.. huh well we will see.

And you do.. and you learn..
But do you get my point. You have only had 1 love.. so I can not really tell you what other loves will be like because you can't understand it till you have it.

First love is always the hardest

My point being.. when I said that there are different typs of love

You loved your girl..

But you loved her and you did not love yourself.
You just gave everything to her.

With the next one. You won't do that.
So the love will change.
As well as the way you act with her because of your past relationships..

You will be able to handle things a lot better.

Oh yeah it never gets easy :)
But we learn to deal with things better

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

The harder the love, the tougher the break up. And with your first you've never been through it so it's all bad and all new...so it can also feel a lot worse than it probably is.

As with anything, experience and repetition equip you to handle situations more smoothly. Right?

You're going to be fine.

---

Yeah... I didn't know how to handle the situation, It was new and I haven't been through nothing like that at all... and she couldn't understand that. You know? I mean was a mess... but she didn't care... not that it matters... but just saying...

But now that I know how it feels by experience, I know how to react to this situation if it was ever to surface up with a new girl.

Great! And dude, it's not an "ex girlfriend's" job to help you in any way, so don't push any of that back onto her, even in your mind. Part of the process of "getting your life back" is also getting the accountability back.

In the end, you are always in charge of your own happiness, right? It's hard to not put that on your mate, but it's not their role in life to make you happy. It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

Anyway, onward, my friend.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

there are some things we just can't tell you because you need to live it to understand it. If I would have told you that you going into your first love realtionship.. that Hey dude your gonna put all your self into it and probable wind up getting hurt...

You still would not belive me or understand fully in what i was saying. you would think tp your self.. huh well we will see and you do and you learn...

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Yeah you are right... experience is the best teacher... I would have honestly not have listened to you if you had to told me before hand too...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

First love is always the hardest. My point being when I said that there are different types of love. You loved your girl but you loved her and you did not love your self. You just gave everything to her.

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I mean I gave her everything, but the clothes off my back basically... lol I did... I didn't love myself... I really didn't!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

With the next one you won't do that. So the love will change as well as the way you acted with her because of your past relationships. You will be able to handle things a lot better.

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Yeah now I understand what you meant by that. And yes I will handle a whole lot better next time! So the love will in fact change with he next one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Oh yeah it never gets easy :)
but we learn to deal with things better

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I like that... will definitely remember that saying...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Great! And dude, it's not an "ex girlfriend's" job to help you in any way, so don't push any of that back onto her, even in your mind. Part of the process of "getting your life back" is also getting the accountability back.

In the end, you are always in charge of your own happiness, right? It's hard to not put that on your mate, but it's not their role in life to make you happy. It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

Anyway, onward, my friend.

---

Powerful wisdom... that I won't take lightly. I understand.

It was so hard to not put that task on her. I wasn't trying to do that, but I guess she thought I was. Man...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

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So right... so right... man I wish I had known or learned this information or experienced this earlier in my life. Because I hadn't but a few girlfriends in my lifetime. I've had only one true love experience... which I got hurt from... thus talking to you guys about... but man how I wish I learned this a long time ago...

Its all about you, the way you feel, and how you deal with your feelings.

That's what will make you who you are, and its important to love yourself ,and know yourself very well.
Then you can deal with life as it comes at you, and make good decisions for yourself, because you know who you are, what you need, and what you'll put up with, and what you won't, all for the sake of your own happiness.

Quote:

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I hate that I got so attached that someone

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Why, because it hurts? Always will when you get comfortable, and something changes that you have no control over. That's human, we cope by adjusting to things in a way we can understand.

It all starts with you, knowing how to love who you are.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Its all about you, the way you feel, and how you deal with your feelings.

Thats what will make you who you are, and its important to love yourself ,and know yourself very well.
Then you can deal with life as it comes at you, and make good decisions for yourself, because you know who you are, what you need, and what you'll put up with, and what you wont, all for the sake of your own happiness.

Why, because it hurts? Always will when you get comfortable, and something changes that you have no control over. Thats human, we cope by adjusting to things in a way we can understand.

It all starts with you, knowing how to love who you are.

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You know before me and her got together I thought I was OK, and that I loved myself like I was suppose to. I was OK and cool before I met her you know? I guess this whole situation was me looking in a mirror... seeing some things about me that I never saw before...

I can't answer this question because I know how you feel and am in the same boat except there's a baby boy involved and a ex as well. Just treat it as a blessing you ain't left like me man I just wish I wore a Jonny!