I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are both 23. We have been living together for nearly a year, and I've loved it, and I honestly believe he has too. My boyfriend did not have a very close family growing up, he doesn't know his dad and his mum and sister are disabled. He has never been close to them, and has lived with friends etc in the past. He is not one to talk about how he feels, and I think is not very emotionally developed, although he can be very loving and thoughful. He has been very loyal and we have had a great relationship. In the past month or so, we've been having a few problems. I think that he either had been taking me for granted or has become lazy in the relationship. He is not very romantic, but I think this is more to do with how he is than laziness. I have tried to accept this, but sometimes he comes across as cold. He doesn't deal with emotional situations very well, and tends to shut off or be cold, even if I am upset. I have been asking him to put a little more effort in, and we've had a few bickers about this, and one big fight, but otherwise everything else is OK. Last night I felt I needed to ask him to just try even maybe once a week to do something thoughtful, and it ended up with him saying sometimes he loves me to pieces and others he doesn't, like when he is angry for instance. I was not expecting this, he comes across as in love with me but now I hear that he needs time to think about things as maybe he shouldn't be so serious with someone. I'm so confused, I love him so much and we have a great thing together, I just think he isn't mature enough or something, I have no idea! He has a tendency to run away from hard situations and hates fighting. I can't believe he would just leave everything we have, and me, for something so small. There is no-one else involved. I'm heartbroken and he is staying at his friends. Do you think he will break up with me or does he really need time to think about stuff? He said he loves me and things might be all right, but is that just leading me on?:(

Time will tell as the emotional dust settles, and thinking is clearer. Then you can talk, and work this out. Don't panic, but if talking leads to arguments, something is not right, and needs attention, maybe the way you communicate together?

He's being completely honest and accurate. People DO run hot and cold in their relationships. It is normal. You call him immature, but that's a mature observation.

No, he's not leading you on. He's trying the best he knows how. His best today is not as good as his best will be in 10 years... in 20 he'll be even better.

This is why marriage vows include "for better or worse". It acknowledges ahead of time things run hot and cold, and you promise the universe you will stick it out through the good and the bad and figure this stuff out. OK?

Oh, yeah, you two aren't married. You haven't made any specific, accountability promises to each other yet. You're both free agents, still. Living together doesn't change the fact that you're still just dating, so the same rules apply. If anyone gets too pushy, the other person can just walk away. So, be careful in that regard.

Meanwhile, doubting his love because he's not romantic? How is that fair? That's like him doubting your love because you don't like football. It doesn't feel the same to you when I say that, but it is the same. You want him to act in a way that isn't normal to him (yet) and enjoy it for your benefit... that's the same thing him wanting you to be a sports fan would produce.

You CAN discuss this with him. You can encourage him in it in positive, fun-girlfriend ways. You can even SHOW him what you mean by doing it yourself. You really can't come down on him negatively though for not getting it. Guys change SLOOOOOOOOWLY and almost always from their own inspiration, not from nagging.

Show him the benefits of what you're talking about, all the positive. Keep the negative to a minimum. This is a guy we're talking about here, you know?

Hi, thanks for your answers. At the moment he's said he doesn't know whether we are breaking up or not, so I'm just waiting around for him to decide which is killing me, and he's not answering texts or calls so I've stopped bothering. I know I can't force him to be romantic, I even said to him I can deal with it and its how you are, I tried doing romantic things for him in the hope he would get the hint but he didn't and I couldn't NOT mention the fact. Its just how I felt, and I did it in a really nice, positive way. I really hope he decides he loves me, the only way I think he might be immmature is that he won't realise that things CAN be dealt with and you can move on. I'm so scared of losing him but I guess I'll just have to wait.