Ask Me Help Desk - Strippers, strip clubs, and jealousy .

Hey
So I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years... I've had a bit of a jealousy issue but it's really improved since the beginning of our relationship. It used to be awful but now I think I'm almost at normal. But I still get that terrible stomach-turning feeling when he even talks about going to strip clubs or anything like that...
He went to a bachelor's party with a stripper, and every time that image pops into my head I almost feel like I want to throw up. He also went to a strip club a couple times with the guys and the same thing happens when I think about it.
I've told him how I feel, but his answers don't usually satisfy me. Usually he says that I'm too controlling and I shouldn't be telling him what he can and can't do, and the best answer I've gotten from him after asking him not to go to a strip club on a weekend away was "i'll try my best not to".
It hurts me that he basically ignores my wishes, but at the same time, I really do understand that I can't expect to dictate his actions.
I trust him and I know 100% that nothing would ever happen, but just the idea of him seeing (or especially touching) other naked women makes me sick. He doesn't really see anything wrong with it, but he knows how it makes me feel and yet can't promise not to do it.
What can I do? This isn't a frequent enough issue to break up over it for sure, I just need to know if I should give it up or if I can somehow help him see my point of view better...

I don't think you'll be able to turn this situation around, because he doesn't understand that you find his behavior demeaning to your relationship. It's very easy to make him understand. Just ask him what would he think of a male stripper giving you a nice lap dance. Probably he will understand that you will "try"not to touch him or to look too much. By the way, remember that he cannot dictate your actions, right? Whatever he's telling you he can do you can do too. The major point though is thinking if the rest of the relationship is really good. Is he respectful, loving, caring, mature, compromised? Otherwise he's not worth the effort or the misery.
Good luck!

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But just the idea of him seeing (or especially touching) other naked women makes me sick.

Your insecurity makes it an issue.

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this isn't a frequent enough issue to break up over it for sure, I just need to know if I should give it up or if I can somehow help him see my point of view better...

Keep working on your jealousy, and insecurity issues, and when they are more under control, you can revisit this subject with him.

First of course if this is a high class strip club ( not a front for hookers) you don't touch the dancers if you do, out the door you go.

If he was going every week or every night spending all of the rent money I would be a lot more worried,
If over several years he has been a couple times, well OK, he should respect your opinion also, but then I guess he could say you should resepect and trust him more .

In the end, if he does not want to stop you have to decide if this is enough to break up over.

Just give him a massive sexy hug and kiss, and tell him once his engine is fully revved up... come on home, you'll be waiting.

Guys don't lose the "eye" for other women just because they fall in love. There's no reason at all you can't benefit from that fact.

Maybe you might want to do a dance for him one day when he least expects it.

This is also a PET PEEVE of mine! I think it has a lot to do w what we have deem acceptable for the men in our society. Remember, women didn't start having this same type of entertainment? Option,(i.e. The Chippendales,were the 1st ones I can remember,) until the recent past. Personally, I would rather see my husband, with ALL his clothes on, than see a bunch of guys half naked and women making fools out of themselves! It depends on individual tastes, which this country prides itself on. I know that men are more visual creatures,supposedly. I think we ALL look at others that we feel are attractive,therefore we are ALL visual, but our society has had double standards for men and women since it began. It gets better,but there's still room for improvement. I think when you are not involved with someone,do whatever you want,but when you are in a relationship,you try to honor each others feelings. It's not hard to do,IF you really care about the other person. I felt the same way about looking at magazines w nude women in them. It still confounds me. Why the need to do that when there's a LIVE,passionate, sincere,loving,genuine woman sitting right there? HUHHH? Guys are definitely different than we are. I appreciate those differences ,for the most part,but not on this issue. Maybe it DOES stem from being jealous or insecure, but I know guys are jealous and insecure about some of areas too.They don't like to be compared to other men in certain departments, i.e lovemaking skills,penis size, strength,intelligence,income, etc. I certainly would never think of doing ANYTHING to make my husband feel there's a possibility he's being compared to others in those areas! It would be too hurtful and inconsiderate. Even IF I were just LOOKING! It doesn't mean anything! I had to go with the others so I wouldn't looked like I'm whipped,and all the other excuses guys use to justify their actions when it comes to this type of behavior. I hope this all gives you 'FOOD' for thought!" I say be a REAL man, like mine, and the late Paul Newman, who was quoted, when asked how he stayed faithful to his wife, Joanne Woodward, and handled all the women that "came on to him", over the years. "WHY BOTHER WITH HAMBURGER, WHEN YOU HAVE STEAK AT HOME!"

Wow, I still can't get over the jealousy some women have. A strip club is a place for the boys to hang out where they won't be bothered by the wives or girlfriends.

Showing your jealousy only creates more problems. If you just let it slide off your back, for the most part that will end it.

I used to work at a strip club as a waitress. I can tell you that there is NO touching of the dancers allowed. I used to make $200 - $400 in a 4 hour shift as a WAITRESS.

Jealousy will break up a relationship faster than anything else. If you trust him 100% like you say you do, then show it. At least you know who he is coming home to.