I live in the state of Virginia. My roommate (who happens to also be my cousin, though more like a sister) and I originally began leasing an apartment together nearly 2 years ago. When we decided to move in together, we ran down a couple of rules verbally, but nothing in writing; as we have been very close for all of the 26 years of our lives and have never had a major argument to date. Until this point, we also haven't had any major disagreements concerning the lease. We've basically been able to reach a reasonable compromise on bill payments, sharing personal belongs, or most any other issue that's arisen. She's now began dating someone who's overnight stays have become more and more frequent. Most recently (for about 2 months), he has been staying every single night. I attempted to address this situation with her on several occasions (4 to be exact). The first couple of times it was addressed in a light manner, basically stating that if he was going to stay here, he needed to take on some of the financial responsibilities. She replied that she understood where I was coming from and I in turn left the necessary action to her judgement. Though, over the course of a couple of weeks, I came up with several proposals: we re-evaulate the financial liability among all three parties, or that I could move out and allow them to stay and split everything among themselves, or we negotiate how many overnight stays would be deemed appropriate. Nonetheless, nothing changed. I then approached with a more serious tone and advised that it was my last attempt at trying to resolve the issue without involving other parties. She again replied that she understood, and we both made an attempt at compromising how many of overnight stays were appropriate. After a short civil game of tug-of-war, we settled on 2 nights a week and the weekends. Though I really have not been completely comfortable with any of these proposals, I was making just about any attempt at salvaging our friendship/sisterhood, while commanding respect and exercising my rights. One the third night of our new agreement. She came home and out of the blue (seriously out of no where) began to profess her right to have company whenever and for however long and that I have absolutely no say so in her decision. That I was imposing on her privacy, and though she's fully aware that... aside from the written agreement with the leasing office that prohibits another party from living here... we both came to an agreement beforehand specifically addressing situations such as this, that her life has now changed since she's no longer single and that I need to accept this. After this brief argument, she then proposed that we break the lease. I explained that that option made no sense, logically or financially, from my point of view. The lease that we signed requires 60 days notice and an additional 2 months rent as penalty for abandoning the lease. So, I have since informed her that she was more than welcome to give 60 days and give her portion of 2 months rent, but that I wouldn't leave until the lease has been fulfilled. I have also advised that until she makes that decision that he is still not permitted to be here every night and that she continues to violate this agreement that I will notify the rental office and allow them to handle it however they saw fit. Through all of this (and boy has it been exhausting), I am also concerned about this: if the rental office ultimately decides that she is in violation of her agreement and orders an eviction, will it be a judgement against her or all parties involved? Also, if it is against her, do I have any rights to hold her finacially responsible for the remainder of the lease (5 months), or what would be mandated by the office (60 days notice and 2 months, the equivalent to 4 months), or as the state of Virginia requires (which I believe is only 30 days)? I can't believe that its gone this far. Please help me. Thanks.

I'm assuming that you are both signed on the lease. Most likely, if the landlord decides to evict due to an unregistered occupant, they would evict both. They might choose to only evicet her, but then you would likely be held responsible for the entire rental. That could depend on how the lease is worded.

If she does break the lease, then you could sue her for any additional cost you incur as a result of her actions.

Now, I will throw out another angle to this. Has the boyfriend staying over caused any additional expense? Have utilitiy bills increased? Is he eating food you have purchased or contributed to the purchase of? Is there any other reason besides the violation of the lease that you object to his staying over?

No. Honestly, I rarely even see him, because they both stay locked up in her room. This may be an indication that he's making an effort to go unnoticed; but the reality is, it makes me feel like an outsider in my own home. Also, I'm not able to just walk about freely and be myself, because he's there.

There's never really food in the fridge; I'm not proud to say, but we're both avid fast food consumers... with the occasional grocery purchase.

I haven't taken notice to the amount of utility that is being used, but our water bill is not really that significant and its hard to tell the difference in the energy being used (taking into consideration the change in season, i.e. heat vs. air, and that because he's where ever she is - most electricity used would be used by her anyway). This does really just boil down to the agreement. If the situation was present before we decided to be roomates, the deal would have been off the table. I wouldn't (under any normal circumstances) have agreed to rooming with someone and their boyfriend. In addition, I feel that he's taking advantage of the fact that we both work hard in order to provide housing and utilities for ourselves; he's basically freeloading. If she's content with taking care of him, I'm not against it. I won't concern myself with the arrangements made within their relationship. However, the principal is that we both share the apartment (not to mention that aside from the routine bills that we split and the living room couch we bought together... all other furniture, dishes, accessories... even her dresser and mattress belong to me); She didn't have a lot when we moved in, so out of concern for her needs, I gave her some of my things, bought new ones, and just about solely furnished the apt; I have never once second guessed doing that because she's like a sister to me. Now, it seems that she has no regard of my concerns and is not willing to sit down and maturely come to a compromise.

Essentially, we're both taking care of him, and I didn't agree to that. I am mostly uncomfortable with the fact that, in trying to keep him out of the way, she's basically created a divide in our relationship. I hardly ever see her anymore. Though, this definitely hurts me a lot, its mostly about standing up for myself and refusing to work hard and nearly through a borderline recession, while a man 11 years my senior gets to live in our home rent free. : (

In the movie White Christmas there is a song with the line:

God Help the mister that comes between me and my sister and god help the sister that comes between me and my man!

You have the right to be comfortable in your own home. Your roommate is treading on that right. But she does have a right to have guests, though not a live in one.

You have to decide which is most important to you and act accordingly

I could write a book on almost this exact situation. I've been on all sides... roomate, landlord, and yes, sad to admit it, but also the girl with the boyfriend that won't go away.

Honestly, if your LL isn't paying utilities and you guys pay your rent on time and take good care of the place, they probably don't give two hoots. There are LLs out there that are bull dogs and will go after any and every little violation like this, but I'd say the chances of getting evicted for this are slim.

Like Scott advised you, you just need to decide exactly what your stance and position are and operate from there. If you experience monetary damages as a result of any of this you can sue her in small claims court to attempt to recoup your losses.

I can blather on about all sides of this issue, both the legal points as well as all the relationship stuff. The bottom line is she's in lust (love?) and isn't making decisions with her head right now.

Thanks guys.