Greetings,
I'm new here and this will be my first question/posting. I found the site searching the net for child custody information and it's been helpful to me.

I was in a relationship with my now ex-girlfriend for several years. The relationship produced a baby girl who is now 2-1/2. After the breakup, she repeatedly refused to allow me any significant time with my daughter. (I have been wholly involved in her life since the day of her conception. She is truly the light of my life.

I asked my ex how she would like it if I kept the baby and did not allow her to see her all but every other weekend. I told her that what she was doing was not healthy for the baby and that she was alienating me from her and that that it is considered child abuse. I had no intention of keeping the baby from her, but rather trying to make a point. She apparently thought I was serious and filed for sole custody of our daughter. Needless to say I was livid. Now, a 3rd party, gets to tell us what is best for our daughter! The mere thought sickens me to the core.

The mere thought sickens me that we could not come to some sort of agreement on our own.

We have both been representing ourselves (Pro Per). At the Settlement Conference Friday, I think she finally realized that joint legal and physical custody will likely be the outcome. She refused to go to mediation so the Judge set a trial date in 4 weeks. She has been difficult, unbending and unreasonable from the onset. I haven't the slightest idea why.

I was online today reviewing the court docket for our case. I was stunned to see that my ex had filed an Emergency Ex Parte Motion referring to our daughter and asked to have a private conference with the Judge! She filed the motion Tuesday. It appears docket entries are a day behind. But as of now that was the last docket entry. I am not saying the Judge met with or even spoke to her because I do not know. My gut tells me this isn't good.

My Question: Wouldn’t it be blatantly unethical and possibly even illegal for a Judge to meet privately with either party of an ongoing custody hearing that he resides over?

I'm hoping to see a docket entry tomorrow denying the motion. Who knows if they spoke or not? Obviously, I don't trust our judicial system, especially Family Court, because of the bias that exists. Wouldn't it be morally and ethically unjust?

I look forward to your response. Thank you in advance!

KjC57

I would assume that the every other weekend was a court order ? If it was then you needed to keep your mouth shut to your ex.
Fighting only always makes it worst.

If you wanted more time with your child, you file for a modification of the child custody agreement.

But it sounded like she already had sole custody, since you only have limited visits, Joint custody would have allowed you to share equally the time with the child, If you had that and she was not allowing it, then you take her to court to get your visits.

Also to be honest, going to court without an attorney on child custody is bad, at least she does not have one, but if you really really want your child, you sell something, get a loan and hire an attorney.

But to be honest if this is a mediator and counselor most likely they will agree you should have more time, so this could be good for you.

Every other weekend is about the min visits anyone gets, so I don't see where you have anything to lose hardly

I don't think you provided enough information. Is there a court order? If so, what does the order say about custody and visitation?

Although you may think it is unethical, ex parte hearings are legal, but they are only granted on a case by case basis based on the circumstances. You might want to go the courthouse to view your file and see why the ex parte was requested.

My understanding was that you had no court ordered custody/visitation, but were trying to work it out just between the two of you. If that's the case you made a big mistake.

I understand that you don't like the idea of someone else dictating these terms, but expecting that parents who are no longer in a relationship are going to agree was a pipe dream. As soon as you split, you should have filed for a custody/visitation arrangement. That is the ONLY way for you to protect your rights as a father. In general, the mother has the upper hand, especially as custodial parent. Without a court order to protect your rights, you are stuck.

As for suggesting to her that she should put herself in your shoes. You may have considered it a talking point, but you needed to put yourself in her shoes and it would have sounded like a threat.

Ex parte refers to one party acting without the knowledge of the other. Basically your ex was looking to meet with the judge without your presence. There is actually nothing wrong with this as long as you are notified of the discussion and given a chance to respond to anything brought up.

I wouldn't be majorly concerned if the motion was not denied. But if it wasn't I would request an explanation of what was discussed.

I agree with scott in that if you don't currently have a court order ( thought from your post that maybe you did) you are not in a good position for joint custody because she has established herself as the primary caregiver.

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Originally Posted by cunfuzed

i agree with scott in that if you dont currently have a court order ( thought from your post that maybe you did) you are not in a good position for joint custody because she has established herself as the primary caregiver.

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I don't think the ex "establishing herself as the primary caregiver" has any bearing on the Court's decision concerning custody/visitation. This is not an unusual situation. The child is with one parent, that parent is keeping the other parent from visitation, now both parties are going to Court.

And do I think the statement to the ex which they ex may or may not have misunderstood will - and possibly has - been seen as a veiled threat? Yes. And this type of dialogue, from my experience, is not a one time thing.

And is the request to speak privately with the Judge morally and ethically unjust? No.

(As far as representing yourself, if you take a look at my signature and read the many other threads you will see why an Attorney is necessary for legal matters that will impact on the rest of your life.)

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Originally Posted by cunfuzed

i agree with scott in that if you dont currently have a court order ( thought from your post that maybe you did) you are not in a good position for joint custody because she has established herself as the primary caregiver.

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This is so far off the mark, I had to use the comment feature.

What seems to be the case here is two people originally hoping to avoid going to court to establish legal guidelines for the care for their child. Somewhere along the line, the mother, who is the custodial parent, is not allowing the father as much time with the child as he would like to have. Since they could not reach a mutually aggreable arrangement, the father was forced to go to court to establish custody and set a visitation schedule.

As Judy said, this is not unusual and the mother having been the custodial parent, will have little, if any bearing on the father getting joint legal cuistody. If he is listed on the because as the legal parent, he already has joint legal custody. What needs to be established in the courts is a schedule for visitation. In my opinion, limiting visitation to alternate weekends for a father who lives close by and wants to be an active part of his daughters life is too little time. In addition, to alternate weekends, he should be granted a couple of evenings during the week. There should also be provision for longer periods like if he wants to take her on vacation.

This schedule will probably need to be revisited several times as the child gets older, gets involved with school activities etc.

Thank you all for your answering. My apologies for not being more clear. I was trying not to drag the story on for such a small but important question.
To clarify;
No, there was not a Court Order in place at the time of the filing for custody.

Yes, now there is a "Temporary Court Order" (until the trial) allowing me Fri-Tues every other week and 4 hours on the off week Saturday. This is more time than she gave me over a months time. So at this point in time I am happy. At trial I will be asking for alternating weeks. .

I am fighting for my right as a father and her right as a child to be loved, nurchered and raised by both parents.

Yes, my name is on the birth certificate and she carries my last name. Paternity is not an issue.

Without trying to egotistical, I am a great father and she deserves to have me in her life, just as much as she deserves her mother.
I wouldn't consider doing what my ex is doing unless I thought she was unfit.

I don't know why she is doing this and she won't explain. To be honest... I think she is going for the money. The more time the child is with her the more support I will have to pay. It's the only thing I can come up with.

Do I need an attorney? Probably so. Should I have to pay a $4,000 retainer fee for one to establish my right as a father to parent my daughter? No. With all due respect of the profession, these people have created a system of economic windfall at the expense of broken families. If I lose, I will reconsider hiring an attorney for the appeal. I am confident in the evidence I have showing that a father's involvement in a child's life is just as important as a mothers and that it is in the best interests of the child.

I still have a hard time with the Judge having a private conference with my ex. She could say anything she wants without my right of rebuttal. The opportunity to plant the seed of evil (accusation of being alcoholic, or on drugs, ect) is created. I'm not being paranoid, I just want to know if it is legally okay. It simply doesn't have the ring of justice in my ear.

You can't just file an appeal what the judge orders will stand for a certain amount of time before you will be able to ask for a modification. Therefore you might want the lawyer sooner. However, even with a lawyer I don't see you getting alternating weeks unless you live very close to each other.

Yes, it's legally allowed, particularly on an emergency basis. The Judge has heard a thousand of these, knows how to read people, knows what the story is.

Why do you think more/less child support is on the basis of legal custody and/or visitation - ?

Ok, it is not how long the child is with the mother, child support is based on your income, The parent with primary custody has the right to ask for support from the other.

This is just normal, paymnet is set by a formula that the state sets, period that is it,

It appears you seem unaware of how child custody issues work.

The court really does not look at how much you love the child, or how much you do or anything, You can file for full custody if you want, or joint custody but in the end, it is normally a deal the two of you work out and file with the court, or it is what the court sets for you.

But in most cases it will be more than you were getting to start with.

You are way out of line -

What specifically was legally incorrect or indecisive in my answer to you?

You asked: "My Question: Wouldn't it be blatantly unethical and possibly even illegal for a Judge to meet privately with either party of an ongoing custody hearing that he resides over?"

My answer was: "And is the request to speak privately with the Judge morally and ethically unjust? No." That seems pretty clear cut to me. What part of "no" did you read as "Maybe"? Let me know and I'll try to clarify the issue for you.

This isn't the "moral and ethical" board. This is the legal board. If you want the answers to moral and ethical questions, consult with a clergyman or find a discussion board. If you want legal information, post here. There have been some 64,000 posts from the people who have attempted to help you and you, based on your three, have something sarcastic to say?

Once again I am amazed that people who have screwed up their lives so badly that they need to publish all sorts of personal info on a public board feel the need to post sarcastic replies to the people who are trying to help them.

And do I believe you threatened your "ex"? I do now. I suspect she's also "sickened to the core" but extremely grateful that a third party is making the decisions which affect her child.

This is about a little girl, her well being, right? If you love this child, you will leave your verbal, ego battle behind and focus on the legal matter that is happening right now.

THE ANSWER IS "YES" IT IS UNETHICAL AND THE JUDGE WOULD BE REMOVED FROM THE CASE IMMEDIATELY.

It is not illegal just unethical. It gives the appearance of favoring one side over the other.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, it is not how long the child is with the mother, child support is based on your income, The parent with primary custody has the right to ask for support from the other.

This is just normal, paymnet is set by a formula that the state sets, period that is it,

It appears you seem unaware of how child custody issues work.

The court really does not look at how much you love the child, or how much you do or anything, You can file for full custody if you want, or joint custody but in the end, it is normally a deal the two of you work out and file with the court, or it is what the court sets for you.

But in most cases it will be more than you were getting to start with.

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The court is guided by State Statutes and Federal Law. Nevada statutes and federal law both base custody issues on "the best interests of the child". That unfortunately doesn't always happen because Family Courts throughout the Country are still biased.

Thank you for your response.

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Originally Posted by kjc57

You need to to take your medication and go back to bed. YOU are so far off base it makes me laugh. And thank you...I needed a good laugh and you provided it!

Why don't you take a moment of your wasted time and reread everything I wrote and everything you wrote. It's evident who the junky is! Have a good life! LOL

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I think it's time to close this - I find the "... who the junky is" (when there's been no such conversation up until now) to be very indicative of what the problem here is.

There has been absolutely no conversation about drugs, no one accusing anyone of using - and suddenly now we know "who the junky is"? Apparently there's been an accusation which smarts.

I understand the need for the private hearing as well as the girlfriend's fears. Would be interesting to know how this plays out - but who would believe anything OP ever posts so I'll never know.

First, one can't appeal just because one doesn't like the verdict. An appeal is made on the grounds that there was something procedurally wrong during the hearing or the judge's verdict.

Finally, the people here have tried to help you. You may disagree with that help, you may ignore that help, but you cannot attack the people because you didn't like their help. You aren't making us feel warm and fuzzy about your abilities to be a good father based on your actions here.

The part about having another Judge hear the exparte motion is WRONG. In no cases that I ever prepared the paperwork when I worked at SEVERAL law offices did I ever have an Emergency ExParte Motion scheduled to be heard by a different judge.

And the part about you having the Judge's Order immediately appealed. Do you even know what is involved in having an Order appealed just because you don't like it or you lost? You will have to do a legal brief citing case law and statutes where the Judge ruled incorrectly. Are you able to properly prepare something for a Judge to be overturned and present this to a higher court? Just to file an appeal on a ruling involves a filing fee and 9 times out of 10 a complete transcript of the proceedings where the Judge was ruling from testimony, etc. If you are scheduled for a trial, this is more than what you think it is also.

No, I am not an attorney. I am/was a paralegal working in law offices for over 15 years in offices that did family law, which included everything from divorces to custody battles to child support battles and to adoptions.

You are right in that you can file an appeal but as pointed out it has to be because the judge did something wrong not because you don't like the outcome. You will get no where by throwing insults around you came here for help instead of hiring a laywer of your own if you want more specific to your case then that is what you will have to do so that they have the entire case in front of them. Even if you didn't want to hear "get a lawyer" you are going to trial that will always be a recommendation.

This is one of those threads that should be printed out in its entirety, including the pulled posts, and sent to the 17 Nevada Family Courts. Let them review it when they consider what is in the best interest of the child.

And the conversation went -

"What specifically was legally incorrect or indecisive in my answer to you?

You asked: "My Question: Wouldn't it be blatantly unethical and possibly even illegal for a Judge to meet privately with either party of an ongoing custody hearing that he resides over?"

My answer was: "And is the request to speak privately with the Judge morally and ethically unjust? No." That seems pretty clear cut to me. What part of "no" did you read as "Maybe"? Let me know and I'll try to clarify the issue for you.

This isn't the "moral and ethical" board. This is the legal board. If you want the answers to moral and ethical questions, consult with a clergyman or find a discussion board. If you want legal information, post here. There have been some 64,000 posts from the people who have attempted to help you and you, based on your three, have something sarcastic to say?"

TIP FOR KJC: learn how to spell