Why is a First Love so HARD to get over?
Love./Love?
The most complicated thing I have encountered thus far.
I had just turned 18 when I met him. He was 24. We had met on an online dating website. We had talked for about 4months before we met, and the day I met him is the day I fell head over heals. He was perfect! He had his own business, close with his family, good sense of humor, trustworthy, made me feel like I was the only girl in the room when we went out, we went camping, family parties. It was perfect.
We had been together for about a year and half, and one day out of no where it all ended. I had just left his house, and I was driving home. He called and said "I just don't see you the way you see me, and I think we need to break up because I don't want to lead you on" My heart fell to the floor, my jaw dropped and I was in shock. I had no signs of this coming. I started crying and instead of going crazy and yelling or hanging up.. I said "Well I hope you find what your looking for and I know your a great person. And I want you to know that, you truly mean a lot to me and I love you, and always will". The first time I tell him that "I love you" is when he is breaking up with me! How crazy was I?! So to make a long story (a little) short(er) :)
A month went by, and I had been on the waiting list for a kidney transplant for 3 years and I had gotten the phone call to get my transplant! Well, I hadn't heard from him but I texted him letting him know what was going on.. He ended up calling me every day while I was in the hospital, we talked about 2-3x a day! He even came up and visited me, and brought his Mom! He gave me a kiss good-bye, and I just melted! I thought things might change between us! He called me one night while I was in the hospital crying.. I said "What's wrong!? What happened?!" (its 2am) He said he dislocated his shoulder, and he's going to need surgery, he was devastated. I let him know he is going to be OK, things will work out, but was curious how this happened. Well, he just said he had a little bit too much to drink, and was messing around and it popped out. The day I get home from the hospital, I call him all excited.. "I'm home!! I'm home!! Can you come over? I'd love to see you!" I said with excitement!. He says "I have something to tell you" (heart drops yet again) "I'm seeing someone". Heartbroken #2. I hang up the phone.
A few months go by, and we start texting.. I ask how his girlfriend is and tells me it just didn't work out. So he is now in therapy for his shoulder, and from what I though.. "Going through a hard time not being able to work" So we start talking.. I'm there for him through his recovery and showing him compassion and what not. His family is happy to see me.. things were looking really good. Here comes Heartbreak #3- 5 months go by and he tells me, "I'm really interested in the girl at the therapy place". Soo we stop talking yet again a few months go by.. that doesn't work out. He comes back around. I'm happy the same cycle continues. So now its going on a year that we've been back and forth with each other, broken up(but messing around).
In conclusion:
We kept seeing each other the past year off and on. He would text me at 10-Midnight to come over, and I would jump at the opportunity to see him and be with him. Until 3 months ago. Three months ago we had hooked up and everything was so perfect that it was disgusting! I text him the next day, saying how great it was and I miss you.. And he never responded. 3 days went by. My last text was "I can't do this anymore, don't text me just to hook up, its not worth my time." And I changed my number.
I have been on 4 dates, well make that 5 as of tonight. And I can't stop thinking about him! I want to text him sooooo bad! And why? Why is this so hard? Did I do the immature thing by just changing my number? Should I text him and just tell him how I feel? Is closure really necessary? How do I get over someone who I have been involved with now for over 3 years? He's going to be 28 next month! Shouldn't he know by now if I'm someone he wants in his life? I feel like if he didn't want me in his life why did we mess around for over a year? Its like he wants me, but he doesn't want to be with me? Is that possible? Ok. I'm done venting now! Whatever advice anyone has out there, I'm totally willing to hear it!:confused: (Sorry for writing so much):confused: