For the past six months, I've been seeing a girl. We went dancing, visited places, went to the movies, and so on, but we are not officially in a relationship. We do a lot of foreplay, but no sex, because she feels that you shouldn't have sex until after marriage (she is Catholic). I can deal with this, but recently she suddenly told me that she doesn't want to do any of the more sexual stuff. She still wants to see me, talk to me, maybe even kiss me, but not do anything more than a simple kiss now and then. She says that she feels bad that she was ever doing stuff like this in the first place, and that she's trying to "behave".

I like her, and I want to do stuff with her, but this sudden change of pace would be difficult for me. I told I wanted to do something separately tomorrow (we were originally planning on seeing eachother), and she wasn't too happy about that. She eventually guilted me into going with her anyway, most because I want to talk about this more in depth. I don't know if I can see her so much without having the more sexual stuff. Is that selfish? What should I do to make her understand how this is important for me (she thinks that wanting intimacy like this is a 'guy thing')?

Well have you even brought up the idea of going out with her as an official couple? She might be more willing to do some of those things if she knew you were in it for more than just getting off every once and awhile. Because no matter how you look at it, giving attention / seeing a girl in any way just for some sort of sexual pleasure makes you look really bad / like a jerk.

Oops forgot to say, I want to start a relationship with her, but she doesn't want to yet. She has told me that the last boyfriend she had, when she kissed him, that was the beginning of her relationship. I know that moral guilt plays a role in here somehow, and I can tell that her family is a lot more conservative morally than mine is. She doesn't want to start a relationship until I start school next year (I'm getting a college degree), which is fine I suppose, although I feel like we've been doing everything that people in relationships usually do. I buy her meals, take her places on the house, and drive her all over the place.

Well if you really care about this girl your only choice seems like waiting it out and seeing if you can last that long until she wants a real relationship.

You can't really push it or you might lose her. Sorry bud but from my standpoint you look stuck.

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Originally Posted by dameon565

I don't know if I can see her so much without having the more sexual stuff. Is that selfish?

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Yes, but selfish isn't always wrong. Part of the reason you "date" is to find someone who shares your likes/dislikes/morals/goals/lifestyle, right? Sounds like you know what is important to you (sex stuff) and since she's not into it, you move on. Right?

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What should I do to make her understand how this is important for me (she thinks that wanting intimacy like this is a 'guy thing')?

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She understand already. I think the question you REALLY are asking is, "How can I get this girl to drop her moral stance and purity vow she's saving for her future husband and get busy with me...a guy she doesn't even consider a boyfriend?"

This goes up with the "selfish" stuff we talked about already.

Look, it's one thing to note that you and a girl view life and sex differently. It's another thing to ponder how you can corrupt a girl's virtue for your own sexual gratification.

Seriously, man, there a lot of girls out there who enjoy sexual recreation. Get out there and find one. Be a respectful young man and leave this one to her pure path.