Okay, I like this kid at my school. It seems like he flirts with me, but I could be taking it the wrong way I don't know. But his girlfriend just broke up with him a few weeks ago and they were going out for awhile. His songs on his page are about missing her and all that. Do I still have a chnace, or is he too caught up on her? If I do, what can I do to make him like me and forget about his ex? Help, please.

Give him his grieving period. He's lost someone that was/is important to him.

And just a tip from personal experience, don't start to date him if he is still in contact with her, it could really come back to bite you in the bum.

Chi-Ma is right.

You can't make him get over her if he is not ready.

My advice? Let him know you are interested.

If he chases you, then great. If he chases you but is conflicted, its too soon. If he doesn't chase, he isn't interested enough.

In the end, what do you have to lose with saying "look, i like you but dont know if you are ready for me"...

Don't make it your burden to "make him like you"... all you can do is let him know there's a chance if he's willing to work.

If he doesn't, fine. No extra time wasted.

Thanks. :)
It just sucks because sometimes I think a guy is flirting with me when maybe that's just the way they are with other girls too. My friend knows a little better than me and told me how he isn't a manwhore and is a good guy. But yeah, I think he still loves his ex which sucks.
Also, I see him only once like every other day because I only have one class with him. I want to see him more but I don't know how. But I think its definitely too soon to like go on a date or anything like that. What do I do?

Not sure why our advice should change based on your latest post.

Yes... it sucks when you like someone who is getting over another. Yes... its hard to be patient.

But the advice doesn't change because he occasionally flirts and isn't a MW because your friends say so.

If you pursue him, you get what you get.

He might be able to move on and pay you the attention you deserve. He might be a head case who has baggage to sort out.

I've been both of those guys in the past.

So... again... you can give him some time to sort things out if you are patient. If you aren't so patient, let him know you think maybe there's something between you two and let him kick that around for a while.

Don't chase him. You can't make him get over her if he isn't ready.

So... the sooner you realize there's only so much you can do, and only so much you should do, the better.

Only he can tell you if he's ready. And even then, he might not be ready.

So... why spend lots of time wondering?

Be casual. Be open. If he doesn't respond as you'd like, call it bad timing. It happens.

Thanks. :]
Seriously, you really did help me.

Been exactly where you are.

Its easy to twist yourself into knots over something you have no control over.

If he is ready to move on, great. If he isn't, its his loss. If he thinks he's ready but has his head up his arse most of the time, you'll have to shut it down.

Took me nearly two years to get over my first big love lost. She just got into my head and I was worthless for far too long. (we also dated for years, HS, college, so it wasn't like a two month thing)

Maybe he will be different. Maybe not.

When you date someone so soon after a breakup you accept that the other person is still working through all the noise. He might talk about her. Talk about what went wrong or right. You accept that part of helping him get over it is helping him deal with it.

Or... you accept that you aren't up to that task and step back.

I can't tell you where his head is at.

So... do what you need to do and keep YOUR head in the right place, knowing that if its idiots on parade it has little to do with you and a lot to do with his baggage.

Yeah, thanks.
I'm 17 and it sucks because I never had a real relationship so every time something somewhat "relationship worthy" comes up, I get so excited and want it to happen right away. I kind of don't have patience in that respect because this is the time to have your first true love, and Ive never experienced anything close to that. :[

Why is "THIS" the time to have your first true love? You have plenty of time. Don't force it or your first true love will be a loser because you settled. That hurts much worse than marrying your first true love, having beautiful children and living happily ever after.

Well... I'm not saying don't give him a shot... just don't bend too much to make him comfortable. Your job is to make YOU happy, not work to make him happy.

That doesn't mean a person doesn't make an effort to please the other... but one of the most common mistakes people make is they think if they "only work hard enough" they can "save" the other person...

It just doesn't work like that.

Besides... there's NOTHING sexier than a confident woman who demands what she wants and needs. If a guy can't handle that, he's more of a boy than a man.

I know you are feeling less than patient... try to be OK. My experience is that I've gone through spells when there was absolutely nobody worth chasing or nobody chasing me, and then suddenly one day there were three people I was interested in and who were interested in me.

Lifes just twisted like that.

Anyway... you sound level headed, even if you are anxious. Just keep yourself level and in control. Hopefully he has half a clue.

If he doesn't, it isn't about you anyway.

Most guys are idiots until their mid 20's anyway... me being one of them.

Yeah, it just sucks that I won't have an experience with relationships probably until college.
Idk, thanks for the help though

You could just ask him why is he flirting, and is he serious with it. After all, he knows better than anyone.

Don't speculate, and assume, when you can get the facts from him directly.

Just ask him, better to know then be left wondering

Lol, I wish I could just ask him. But I'm not good with talking about my feelings. Which I realllly need to get over. :\

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BAMF

lol, I wish I could just ask him. But im not good with talking about my feelings. which i really need to get over. :\

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Yep. Absolutely correct. Shy is cute, shy may feel safe, but shy won't win you any prizes in life. The sooner you face that puppy, the sooner you realize the whole WORLD is afraid of the unknown and you might as well put it out there... nobody is going to do it for you. They're too freaked over their own personal phobias.

But when I say "put it out there", I'm not talking about hitting home runs only. Sometimes, you just want to toss your ball onto the field:

"Johnny, I hope you know how much I enjoy flirting with you. Here's my number/facebook/email...if you ever need a boost give me a shout."

Notice that clearly isn't a homerun swing? It's just a truth, and it's not a question you'd hate to hear the answer to too early.

Putting it out there just means staying in play. Don't hide. Present facts. Be wary of questions when statements will do just as well. And when a question is needed... ask it. Being afraid/ashamed/scared ultimately gives the prize to the skanky girl behind you who is braver. Don't let that happen.

And when you put it out there and your ball rolls back off the field, don't EVEN think the game is over. Find another field, toss another ball. Heck, toss several at once. Enjoy yourself. Sometimes you have to play the odds and the more you play, the sooner you HAVE to win something.

Understand?

Okay to add on to this question.
Umm, well now we're flirting more and I'm still not sure if he likes me or not but I want to know. Anyway, I always seem to get to this step in a relationship and then I don't know where to go from there. Should I ask him to hang out? And if I should, how do I say it casually so that he won't be creeped out? Lol
Thanks guys.