Me and my grilfriend have been together for only a few months, when I'm not with her I think of her all the time, but when I am with her I treat her like , I don't do it on purpose but I think its like something sub consciously working? I don't beat her or abuse her but I say some really cruel things, she recently broke up with me, and I felt terrible, but then bagged me to get back with her.. when I wasn't with her I felt so bad and regretted everything id done and now that I'm back with her its all juts happening again? Its really confusing I don't know if I want to be with her but every time I break away I feel terrible and when I am with her I make us both feel terrible.. should I juts leave her and try to get over it?

What you're doing is not fair to either of you. A good relationship is a loving and caring one. It doesn't sound like this relationship has either. I would move on and spend some time figuring out why you treated her like that. Seek counseling or just talk with someone you trust. Good luck

Well you don't have to break it off just yet. You have to ask yourself "Is this girl important enough for me to make major changes in my life so I can treat her better".

Because if you can't change your habbits of foul mouthing her she is better off without you. What are some of the things your saying to her? Do you yourself think this is a correctable behavior? Are there certain things she does to set you off? Please give us some more info to work with!

There is no point to stick together if you guys are only getting pain in your relationship though but there are chances you can always work it out. Try to open more lines of communication with her and get her 2 cents on what is making the relationship bad and her ideas to fix it.

Treating someone like crap usually stems from selfish controlling habits, thoughts or goals. You dated this girl and come down on her when she doesn't "perform well" or "do things your way" or "measure up" in some way.

This means you're missing out on the BEST part of having a girlfriend. The best part of having a companion is daily looking for ways to make THEIR life better, to bring light into their day that wouldn't be there except for you. You are a GIVER. You are a comforter, a solid rock to bring stability to her world.

And what is it you're after in return? That beaming smile when you see how you've succeeded. That comforting hug of appreciation. The admiring kiss when she looks at you and your life and is proud to show you off to the world.

Sounds like you're not there yet. That's OK. It's a journey.

But keep in mind, the good relationships occur between two givers.

She sounds like she doesn't put up much of a fight and let's you get away with acting like a jerk.

She's not giving you enough of a challenge, and that can make a relationship boring. Let this one run it's course and then go out on the market for a new one.

you don't respect her.

i think that is something you need to deal with ON YOUR OWN for a while.

Perhaps your relationship with your dad or mom is not good. And you have a deep seeded unresolved issue you need to deal with. Your posting was a good start. It is an acknowledgement. Now take time off and explore this and if you have the money, see a therapist or counselor and get coping skills on the table so you do not feel a loss of control and anger around the opposite sex. Then this person or the next one will be a better relationship for you.

Slapshot:


I said "PERHAPS"...

I have been through this with thousands of people and I am familiar with lots of relationship triggers. I am challenging him to look at his situation as bigger than himself. If he is intentionally mean and disrespectful, that is anger acting out. The family is a large source of individual anger - so I start there.

Furthermore, I think your advice to him is nothing short of sophomoric. I didn't give you a disagree because I just ignored it.

Still, your statements are as close to thoughtless as I have seen on this site in a while:

"... She's not giving you enough of a challenge, and that can make a relationship boring. Let this one run it's course and then go out on the market for a new one."

She is a human being, and him being mean to her is not warranted by her being "boring" and saying "go out on the market and get a "new one" makes her sound like a piece of produce.

He says he is being "cruel" - what that deserves is self-exploration. Not her being boring and replaceable....
IF he simply goes "back on the market for a new one" as you say, he will just repeat his behavior.

That's the point of this site. Coping, exploring, learning.

I think you should deal with your personal issues on your own time, not hers. Its unfair to take them out on her.

Wow so many answers... am OK.. example.. I met her yesterday we had an amzing few hours when we connect we really do and then I go out and cheat on her.. I am ninety percent sure it's a personal issue.. but I genuinely don't know... honestly I think I'm confused about my sexuality as well... I know I'm not an ugly guy and I get usually whatever girls I want but I can't hold a relationship I get bored and for the last few eeks I've been getting very confused sometimes I think maybe I could be gay or homosexual I juts don't know maybe this is why I treat her so bad? Because she confuses me even more?

You are the one who is confused, you are the one who treats her like crap, you are the one who cheats on her.

It sounds like she really is a special person, so stop dragging this girl through the mud and for once- do the honourable thing by her and let her go off and find someone who isn't going to treat her that way. If you really can't break up with her, you could initiate a conversation where you tell her everything- including the cheating. Then- LET HER WALK AWAY

You need serious help to deal with your problems, not a girlfriend. Each time you take on a partner, you are not going to solve your problems, you will only destroy innocent women who don't deserve that kind of treatment. Go fix yourself before you try to be with someone new. Breaking up with this girl is the first step on the road to putting this negative behaviour behind you.

OK I have tried to break up with her I have left trails so she sees what an I am, and she still comes back and a part of me really wants to treat her right and the way she deserves because she is amazing and has helped me a lot but I juts keep hurting her and every time I let her go she comes back..

Could she be as sick, and in need of help as you are??

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Originally Posted by Ash123

I said "PERHAPS"...

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And I said you made a suggestion, there was no misunderstanding there.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

I have been thru this with thousands of people and I am familiar with lots of relationship triggers. I am challenging him to look at his situation as bigger than himself. If he is intentionally mean and disrespectful, that is anger acting out. the family is a large source of individual anger - so i start there.

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Very true, that could be the case, or, it could be what I said. My problem with your post was you instantly jumped to that conclusion when you don't even know what this kid looks like, it's a drastic suggestion for a common issue.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Furthermore, I think your advice to him is nothing short of sophomoric. I didn't give you a disagree because i just ignored it.

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You got that right, it's straight and to the point, but I didn't bring his parents into it.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Still, your statements are as close to thoughtless as I have seen on this site in a while:

"... She's not giving you enough of a challenge, and that can make a relationship boring. Let this one run it's course and then go out on the market for a new one."

She is a human being, and him being mean to her is not warranted by her being "boring" and saying "go out on the market and get a "new one" makes her sound like a piece of produce.

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I should clarify, I meant to say she's a boring partner in the immediate relationship but not in general, she might be a barrel of laughs with the right guy. They just don't make a good match.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

He says he is being "cruel" - what that deserves is self-exploration. Not her being boring and replaceable....
IF he simply goes "back on the market for a new one" as you say, he will just repeat his behavior.

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Now your saying things that just aren't true. You don't know that he'll do the same thing again.

First, I want to say that I do understand where everyone else is coming from with their advice about leaving your girlfriend. Second, I do think you really care for her or you wouldn't feel so bad after treating her so bad and she must really care for you to put up with you treating her like that. BUT I don't think breaking up with her is the answer. I think that you should talk with her. Every relationship is based on trust. If you can't talk to her then you don't really have a relationship at all. Maybe you guys can come up with some "triggers" to why you treat her like this and she can help you find ways to change. If she really does care for you she will help you. AND If you really do care for her you will change.
Good Luck