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-   -   How to get in a relationship with a straight man (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=269656)

  • Oct 15, 2008, 09:38 AM
    algojo
    How to get in a relationship with a straight man
    I am male,gay, and I have a special feeling for a straight guy, my best friend since high school and my business partner too for more than 3 years.
    I was pretending to be straight at the first time I know him but since 9 months ago I've shown him signals that I have special feelings on him
    I often ask him to hang out with me,watching movies sometimes,just the 2 of us.
    I often touch his body too,his hair,his face.I even give him massage sometimes,especially when we're in the hotel room in other city for work.I send him short messages saying 'i love u' or 'i miss u' couple of times, sometimes he just ignore it and sometimes he reply it with 'disgusting.. ' .
    I am kind of confused with his signals, sometimes he call me for hours just to chit chat with me (job topic in the first place),and
    Sometimes (usually yes) he's enjoying being massage by me, I even kiss his hair or his back sometimes (dunno he noticed or not) when I massage him, but sometimes he gets really angry when I touch him and say that he doesn't like it.
    He gets angry if I touched him at public places,but didn't say a thing if I touched him when there' just the 2 of us in the place (usually at my home).the point is sometimes it's OK,sometimes he gets angry with it...
    And there's a gay 'guy' who have a crush on him too,he hate that 'guy' because the 'guy' is very disturbing and annoying, he tells me..
    I loved him so much,but he's just so confusing,what should I do?thanks..
  • Oct 15, 2008, 11:45 AM
    simoneaugie

    He enjoys hanging out with you and appreciates getting massages. However, he prefers women for intimacy and is uncomfortable doing anything that might be construed as gay in public. He doesn't sound confusing to me. He sounds like he's straight.

    Coming right out with it, that you're attracted to him in a romantic way, will bring the situation to a head. That could lead to trouble in your business relationship. If you are sure that he is aware of your sexual orientation, then you can be sure that he is reluctant/resistant to give in to any physical attraction to you that he may have.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 12:55 PM
    JBeaucaire

    You told the story completely from your biased point of view, and I can still spot his position.

    He's not sending you mixed signals. You're close friends and as such he ignores some of your inappropriate advances. He does that because you're friends and he respects your sexuality.

    Now, how about respecting his? You know he is not gay, the title of this thread indicates such. Have some character, OK?

    Your sexual urges are NOT the most important thing in your life. They AREN'T. Remind your penis of that when it keeps pushing you to mess up your good relationships to appease it.

    You are in charge of your good life. Sex does not define you. Your actions do. A straight girl who kept pushing herself at you... would find that a welcome intrusion in your life? Of course not. "Disgusting" is a perfect reply. Why don't you listen. He is your friend, right?

    Watch an episode of House. Wilson and House have a perfect bromance. They love each other deeply. And it's not sexual at all.

    If you can't respect the life of your friends, you can't BE friends. Either BE this guy's friend and take your sexual urges to other appropriate places, or end the friendship. Once the friendship s ended, you can feel free to hit on him all day like you would anyone else, because you're not risking something more important than sex... like friendship.

    If I were you, I'd honor my friendship and maintain my dignity around him... but that's just me.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 02:00 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    How do you get a straight man, well one could ask why don't you just start dating women, it is the same issue, he has his preference and you can not change that.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 02:23 PM
    TrueFaith

    I really don't think he likes it

    To say disgusting in a text message. Does not mean he likes you in that way. You might want to lay off him before you get hurt

    Its like a girl loving a gay guy and trying to change him. It just won't happen. We are all born a certan way

    We have to accept what people are. And if your friend is not gay he is not gay. And nothing you can do will change that

    Go off and find other people that will really love you. Stop wasiting your time trying to change people
  • Oct 16, 2008, 11:35 AM
    talaniman

    Take the same chances we all do, respect the friendship, and leave it at that, or be honest, and take the chance he will never be with you, or be friends.

    Its not unusual to be attracted to friends, what you do about is what matters.

    You have a decision to make.
  • Oct 16, 2008, 11:53 AM
    Romefalls19

    If you make a move, it could ruin your business partnership as well as your friendship. There is a lot at risk, you have to decide if it's worth the risk
  • Oct 16, 2008, 12:04 PM
    High Max

    This seem's strange, I've NEVER heard of a guy that lets a guy, especially a gay guy that he probably knows it gay, give him massages and touch him semi-intimately, etc. Something just screams that this guy might be in the closet..
  • Oct 16, 2008, 03:52 PM
    liz28
    Your friend might be confuse about his sexuality because no friends tries to touch another friend privates even if your playing around. Also, I received many massages and I know the difference between someone hands and lips. Also, you stated he gets mad sometimes but if he wasn't a bit curitious he would have been stopped things that happens between your two. I think he clearly understands and know your gay without you confessing this to him and he enjoys the attention from you but then sometimes he don't because then he might be afraid of label and have to realize who he is.

    I think you should limit yourself around him and control your feeling. You don't have to stay at hotels with him, get your own room. You don't have to talk for hours on the phone with him, keep it short. He sounds like he might but curious but curiosity killed the cat. I think if something were two happen between your two he would blame you in the end and you don't want that. Find someone that want you and who isn't going send you mixed signals because this only proves how mixed up he is.

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