A little history first... My husband & I have been married for 3 months and have been together for a year... We are very open about everything and get along great. He is 51 and I am 38... the real question is about men's sexuality... his really and I don't understand it. I am educated and have had some psychology training but seem to be too close to the situation to see an answer... Let's call him Joel... Joel has told me openly that he has been approached by other men all his life and they "hit on him" which I have witnessed and have had it happen to me many times as well by women... no big deal... he has also told me that he has thought about having sex with a man but has never done it even though it may be the "best sex" he would ever have. He says "heterosexual couples have lousy sex, bisexuals have twice the sex and homosexuals have the best sex"... is this true? I know men are usually visual creatures and women are usually emotional creatures by nature... so recently I have noticed porn sites on our computer that have not been there in the last year we have been together... has he looked at it in the past... yes... but never since we've been together... until now and not only is it young skinny girls but also gay male porn... should I be concerned? He also said to me recently... "I don't care if you fantasize about Arnold Swartenager during sex....it's healthy to fantasize."... Is it really healthy to fantasize about other people other than your partner during sex?. I never have... but would like some male/professional input here...

He has been fantasising about men-no big deal I am however a little concerned about the "homosexuals have the best sex" statement... MMMMM

That does not come from a 100% hetrosexual man dedicated to his wife for sexual relations-fantasy aside, the statement is a little strange for mine.

I think your chosen sexuality /what sexuality you are most comfortable with would make you answer that way...

Hetros say sex is best their way, bi say its theirs, and homosexuals theirs, do you get where I'm coming from here? I would be asking a few more pertinent questions...

Otherwise if it is okay by you, then who cares! Enjoy.

This is coming from a straight male.

Is it healthy to fantasize about others while having sex? I don't see any harm in fantasizing, say about Angelina Jolie, while having sex with a girl.

As far as viewing gay porn and that statement, "homosexuals have the best sex," seems like a red flag to me.

If the statement about homo. Sex is the best sex, the gay porn on the computer, and fantasizing isn't a red flag, I don't know what is. What are you going to do?

I guess homosexuals have the best sex because they know exactly what they want. For me, the guess work is all the fun. ;-)

Older Americans have a lot of life experience and sexual experience(hopefully) under their belt... they are not the same as young people who are really still searching for identity in many areas of their lives.

I think one reason he might say that heterosexual sex is not as enjoyable as bi or homosexual sex is that many women tend to have culturally imposed inhibitions about enjoying free wheeling sex that many sectors of the homosexual community enjoy.

To be frank here, lady... the man is 51 years old. He's not a kid or a romantic, and he has *lived a lot*. Many *older men have a red flag* just because of sexual experience. You have to take time to get to know a man so you can find out if he is likely to have sexual diseases or has lived a risky lifestyle, among other things. :)

Best wishes going forward,

I'm goinmg to agree. How does he know gays have the best sex unless he's tried it.

Personally I don't care to find out. I'm mighty happy with the Hetero sex I've had all my life.