Ask Me Help Desk - How to get my ex boyfriend back?

I am new here and was wondering if anyone can help. I've bought a lot of eBook from the internet on How to Get Your Ex back and though they encouraged us to email them, they never replied a single email. A month back, my boyfriend of 3yrs brokeup with me. Throughout these 3 yrs, we have a lot of arguments and broken up for the 3rd time. It started with countless arguments and my strong-headedness. I didn't realised that all these were brought about from my stress at work and I didn't knew I had been bringing so much work emotions home till now I got myself burnt and it is already too late.

On 2 Sep, my boyfriend asked for a break-up through sms and thereafter, avoided me. We were not in contact 1 Oct, I managed to get hold of him on his house phone. He mentioned that he has already given me 2 chances previously but I blew it again as I did not do what I've promised, which was to do something about my temper. Thus, he find it no point in going on. All he can think of was more unhappiness than happiness. Therefore, he decided to give up on us. He said he just do not think its right to live his life fearing of making me angry and upset all the time. I have to agree that both of us were not those who really know how to express myself well. As such, we have got into countless disagreements and misunderstandings.

As I am a very emotional person, I have never realised that being emotionally engaged with my work would have caused so much hurt to my relationship. I go home everyday, feeling down, upset and very stress. He tried to talk to me, many a times that I have to learn to let it be since I can't do much about the whole work situation but it didn't get into me. Things were exceptionally bad for at least since Feb this year and I was completely stressed out with work, as well as my exams. When I explained that to him when we talked few days ago, he said I may again promise him this time but things may just happen the same way again and he is tired. I know it is too late crying over spilt milk now. Is it really over? I need help to get him back but I do not know how to. I can feel him drifting further and further from me each day. None of my friends understand what I'm going through fully. All they can say is "let nature takes its course", "if its meant to be, he'll be back", "it takes 2 hands to clap. You've already done your part. He's just not willing then let it be!". I am really tired of all these comments. Some may sound logical but I am not those who believe in fate. I believe it's how 2 person work it out, sort out and accommodate to the differences of each other, though I agree that there are indeed differences in us. It could well be from how we were brought up, our character, etc but I do not believe all these are hindrances. Anyway, I really do need help. What should I do now since he has been quite clear and insistent on his decision. Please do not tell me to move on.:(

This isn't a case of trying to convince someone to go out with you for the first time. This guy has been with you for quite some time, has measured you and your relationship... and decided for himself "No thanks."

What is it that makes you think you get a say beyond "OK?" You don't.

You've already explained the issue and dismissed the correct answer as unacceptable. This makes it pretty clear to me why he would want to distance himself from you. It sounds to me like you don't take direction very well if it doesn't give you what you want.

Asking us how to get back some guy who knows you WAY better than we do... we're more likely to trust his instincts.

I'm sorry about the money you've wasted on eBooks that sell falseties. I hope you don't waste too much time, too. It's over. Unacceptable answer or not... you will be moving on.

I am 28 while he is 29... Since that talk we had, he texted me saying that he hoped we can still be friends. Every now and then, he viewed my profile in Friendster too and we do chat over IM as well. I tried to be friends with him but the feeling is really torturous...

First, I recommend making sure this is the only reason for the breakup. Then, you need to be fairly busy and unavailable for a month to let him cool down. I'd recommend finding some things to do, maybe even going to some anger management to SHOW him that you are willing to change these problems about yourself. I think this would be your best shot.

Apart from the above mentioned as a reason for break-up, both of us are not those who can express well with words, thus, many disagreement arises. I have been pretty busy lately and I've not shown any emotion towards work since this happened. I felt better now that I've learnt to treat work more lightly and not bring the emotions back. However, I do not know how to SHOW him, like you said... Can you advise?

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I believe it's how 2 person work it out, sort out and accommodate to the differences of each other,

It takes a willingness to work together, through honest communications, give yourself a pat on the back. To bad you didn't show that in real life.

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though I agree that there are indeed differences in us. It could well be from how we were brought up, our character, etc but I do not believe all these are hindrances.

Again, your right and wrong. View them as a challenge, and a test, to see if they are obstacles to overcome, if your BOTH willing to work together to solve your issues. He is obviously tired of the same crap, over and over and sees nothing changing.

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Anyway, I really do need help. What should I do now since he has been quite clear and insistent on his decision. Please do not tell me to move on.:(

Work on your own issues and leave him alone. Accept he is tired of your BS, and wants out. If you don't want to hear the truth, then you will never change, nor heal from your hurt.

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both of us are not those who can express well with words, thus, many disagreement arises

No communications are a good reason people cannot work together to solve their issues.

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I felt better now that I've learnt to treat work more lightly and not bring the emotions back.

So you can deal with your issues in a positive way, with the proper motivation to do so, but are you doing it for yourself, or trying to get him back??

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However, I do not know how to SHOW him, like you said... Can you advise?

I strongly advise you get yourself under control, for you and not him, because you have already admitted to going back after a while and repeating the same behavior. Keep working on yourself, to be better, not to get back a broken relationship. Give yourself a chance to heal, and move on and see what life brings you. That does mean leaving him alone, and putting the priority on you overcoming your challenges.