I am 22 years old and I have no friends. Well I shouldn't say no friends I have one, but it doesn't seem like she's truly genuine. It's sad because I keep talking to her so that I have someone to go out with, but we only meet up like once every 2 months, she's always "busy". I used to have so many friends in high school, then I got this boyfriend and they all stopped calling me to go out because they thought I wouldn't want to tag along because I wasn't single anymore. Well I got rid of him after 3 horrible years. I now have an amazing boyfriend and we have been together for about 9 months. My problem is, I love being around him, he's basically all that I have. He has so many friends and sometimes he needs to go out with them and have his fun which is fine, but while he's out with them I'm at my home alone thinking about what he's doing. It's like I don't have a social life of my own and it's really getting me depressed. In fact I can feel tears filling my eyes as I type this. I don't want to seem clingy because I know we both need our space but it's like I wish I had a life of my own like he does. I just feel so sad all the time and I had nowhere else to turn but the internet. I just needed to type that out and maybe see if anyone can identify with me or give me some pointers. I appreciate anyone that reads this because I know I usually don't read long postings like this one. I look forward to reading anything anyone has to say about this, thanks!

You're so wrapped up in this relationship that you've lost you... go join a gym, find a hobby, take a class at a college even a non-credit class; there are lots of things you can do to find your own fun rather than sitting at home pining for him and wondering what he might be doing. Show more confidence in yourself and the relationship you've got by stepping out and finding something you enjoy and soon.
At 22 yrs old you should be and I hope will get active. Guys don't like it when they have to feel guilty for going out or doing what they enjoy if there girl has no outside interests other than what they are doing? Seriously, grab your purse and get out the door to a fitness center. You'll have something to talk to him about when he gets home... guess what I did today? Joined a gym, signed up to volunteer at a animal shelter, bought a bike, shopped till you dropped, something, anything!

One more thing... On the friend issue... once you're out of high school and college, life does change on the friend front... You have to connect or reconnect with those old friends as careers come into play and life gets busy... and you'll make new friends when you join that club or volunteer. Don't be afraid to say to someone new... hey you want to hit the mall, go bike riding, or whatever it might be but step out and make conversation... it's odd at first if you're shy and it's awkward but you'll grow from it if you do it... and you'll meet new girlfriends you can do stuff with. Where do you work? No possible new friends there?







QUOTE=Noella85;1316570]I am 22 years old and I have no friends. Well I shouldn't say no friends I have one, but it doesn't seem like she's truly genuine. It's sad because I keep talking to her so that I have someone to go out with, but we only meet up like once every 2 months, she's always "busy". I used to have so many friends in high school, then I got this boyfriend and they all stopped calling me to go out because they thought I wouldn't want to tag along because I wasn't single anymore. Well I got rid of him after 3 horrible years. I now have an amazing boyfriend and we have been together for about 9 months. My problem is, I love being around him, he's basically all that I have. He has so many friends and sometimes he needs to go out with them and have his fun which is fine, but while he's out with them I'm at my home alone thinking about what he's doing. It's like I don't have a social life of my own and it's really getting me depressed. In fact I can feel tears filling my eyes as I type this. I don't want to seem clingy because I know we both need our space but it's like I wish I had a life of my own like he does. I just feel so sad all the time and I had nowhere else to turn but the internet. I just needed to type that out and maybe see if anyone can identify with me or give me some pointers. I appreciate anyone that reads this because I know I usually don't read long postings like this one. I look forward to reading anything anyone has to say about this, thanks![/QUOTE]

OK, you need to be happy with you, have your own life and hobbies and interest, before you start dating and keep yourself.
So do something, there are 100's of places to do charity work, get a hobby, bowling, or flower club so some where.

Hi Noella, welcome to our forum. I know what it's like not having too many friends, but I'm 57 and my friends have either moved on (mostly military) or have distanced themselves since I cannot be as active as I used to due to illnesses. At least I have my daughter and grandchild to see at least once a week - and for right now, including this site and my friends here, that's all I need.

But you are young and should be out there making new friends, or finding things to do. Do you live in a little town or big city? Is there a local community club or social groups that you can check out to keep you busy at least once a week? You should not be a wallflower waiting for your young man to come home. You've got to get out there, even if it's to go bowling, swimming, playing bingo (yes even bingo) at least it's something that will divert you and keep you from getting depressed. How about a gym or night class in painting or a book club? As I said, ANYTHING is better than being alone and depressed. Are there churches or hospitals or schools where you could do some volunteering? Even get a box of soil and plant some seeds (herbs for the kitchen that can grow inside).. Learn a new hobby like sewing or investigating the internet for other things of interest that you missed out on.

You can always come here and talk to us, ask questions, answer questions, join some of our lounge chats for fun... we are glad to have you, and are open 24/7 from all over the world.

So tell us a little more about what might interest you and we'll help keep you busy for a while--- the rest is up to you.

All is not lost yet, so dry those tears and check out our comedy section and read some cool jokes for starters.

As AskJenny said, guys don't like it much when you place them in the center of your universe - find yourself - explore other interests within you and go for it. And, as Fr_Chuck indicated, you got to go out there... nothing is going to come to you unless you send out signals.. do it.

C.U. again soon.



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Meeting friends is hard and now a days true friends are hard to find and you must be leary of people. I have walked in shoes but even though I've friends I am not into some of the things as them. Most of my friends don't have any kids so they're free to roam when they want. Luckily I've my 2 best friends that are into the same things I am but still sometimes we don't always have time to hang out due to everyone schedule.

Not to long ago, after surfing the net I came across this website Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com At this site you have the chance to make friends by joining a club. Once you enter your state they will give you all the groups available in your area. I joined a group in my area and met some great people that I would've never met. Once you join a group you and them meet up and do things together. Me and my groups went on outtings or met up for lunch, go bowling, go to comedy clubs, vineyards, etc. We are planning a trip next March to go to Hawaii and I can't wait. This is a great networking site that you should check out. You need to get out and enjoy your life because time flies.

Also, I forgot to ask do you have any cousins or relatives to hang out with?

Hey guys, thanks so much for replying so soon! Well I do volunteer at a nursing home. It's not ideal for really meeting people to hang out with outside of there, but it has enriched my life. I also do workout, I'm not involved in a gym or anything but I run daily and have noticed great results which has boosted myself esteem amazingly. My boyfriend does not know how I feel about all of this. I don't act like the clingy, you're all I need in my life girlfriend. I give him plenty of space and let him do his own thing. I know men hate clingy women and that's the last thing that I want to be. I'm not working right now as I have just graduated from college. Weird enough I didn't make too many good friends in college. It's like people that I can hang out with and do homework with but not really people that I would get along with outside of school. I'm starting to think that it's me and something must be wrong with me.

Hi liz thanks, all of my cousins are younger than me, no one I can really relate to or hang out with. Thanks for that site, is it only for U.S residents because I'm in Canada.

Never mind I figured it out lol should have checked the site before asking. Thanks a lot!

My point for you and the fitness center was more centered around you being around people than it was exercising; good that you run! You join a class; make small talk about it as you leave and pretty soon you're having coffee or more w/the person if you just say hey want to go have coffee, or shop or do you run?
The drift here is for you to get out and join something that involves you being around people your own age or close to so you can make and meet new friends.
Do you feel insecure about doing this? Afraid you won't be liked? People are people, everyone puts their pants on the same way you do so I try to remember that whether I'm meet the CEO of a company or the Wal-Mart greeter... no reason to be afraid of saying hi. JOIN the running club in your town. There's a good thought for you.

Honey, what you are going through is nothing new at all - AND there is nothing wrong with you either. You are just going through changes, like we all encounter.


You are out of the 'routine' of going to school and probably miss this as it has been a standard part of life for you. Now, you miss it, and will have to replace this with something else in life. That's OK. We all go through these doubts and fears - especially after relocating to another town, changing partners, etc.

Many people ask themselves the same question of 'what now' after graduating, or even changing jobs. It's the change that you are not quite sure of... There will be a fear of new people, new projects, new environment..
Your personal life seems stable, and it's good that you are not a clinger, and understand that your BF has his 'usual activities'.. now you just have to give yourself a chance to find something to fill your time. As we said before, you won't find it sitting at home, and you need to get out and reach out.

Some of us never get it right in finding 'that special' friend or soul mate, but you should not prevent yourself from trying - without fear - to at least make acquaintances.. that's where we all start until things grow or fade..

Nothing in life goes according to some imagined script or schedule, we have to work at it on our own, and gain the experience. Nothing is going to fall into our laps like in a TV show... so hang in there and you'll do just fine. There is nothing wrong with you - this is just a new journey into a new chapter in your life - ride with it, gain your experience, and it might surprise you. So, take that fist step. The point is to not stand still and look into the past, look forward and don't be afraid - just try not to stay bored - that's the important part of any new journey.

I hope you understand what I meant here and that you convince yourself not to just stand still - and don't stay home... venture out there. The worst thing to do is to turn into a recluse.

Go out there and start enjoying your life and you'll literally feel the change in you.

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Listen to Chery's (Momma C's) great advice Noella! She's got some great stuff to share with you! I'm from Alberta, and she is from Germany. She has sure taught me a lot of things! Take all of her words while you can, and remember them! We love her here and she will never steer you in the wrong direction.
:)

I don't think there is anything more that I can add, than what has already been said, so I will leave it at that.

Good luck to you!

I think that it's really important that you have a life outside of your boyfriend, it just makes for a much healthier relationship. If you don't, then you just put too much pressure on him to provide what you really should be providing for yourself.

He is quite right to go out with his friends. I think the thing to do for you is to look for a social scene you can get involved with in order to make some friends, this will help.

I have a website about relationships which might help, it's a bit to big for one answer, but good luck.

www.dream-life-coaching.com/relationship.html

You need a job.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You need a job.

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Got to 'spread it' again dear. But, yup, I forgot about that little part. It just might fill up spare time by learning something new and getting paid for it That combination is always available and could wind up being exciting.

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Sounds a lot like me, a lot of my "friends" ditched me when I got involved with my first husband. Ive sense gotten separated and now am in another relationship and pregnant. Ive got a 2 yr old from my marriage and no friends. I don't even get to use the internet because my BF is a gamer... I may not see a response so PM me.

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Originally Posted by zeizabella

sounds alot like me, alot of my "friends" ditched me when I got involved with my first husband. Ive sence gotten separated and now am in another relationship and pregnant. Ive got a 2 yr old from my marriage and no friends. I dont even get to use the internet because my BF is a gamer...I may not see a responce so PM me.

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Please read rules and regulations. We do not use PM's for that reason here. If you want replies, start your own thread please.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Please read rules and regulations. We do not use PM's for that reason here. If you want replies, start your own thread please.

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I don't think you need to be so rude, clearly she is just trying to relate to me which is what I asked in the beginning, if anyone can identify with me. Some of you guys have been very helpful and others have just been so straight and cold about things. I will not be coming back to this website for any help because some of you don't know how to be warm and inviting so that people can express themselves openly. And I will be PMing her because clearly she needs someone to talk to that's in her similar situation. Thanks to everyone with the great responses.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Noella85

I don't think you need to be so rude, clearly she is just trying to relate to me which is what I asked in the beginning, if anyone can identify with me. Some of you guys have been very helpful and others have just been so straight and cold about things. I will not be coming back to this website for any help because some of you don't know how to be warm and inviting so that people can express themselves openly. And I will be PMing her because clearly she needs someone to talk to that's in her similar situation. Thanks to everyone with the great responses.

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I hope we were able to help a little. Believe me, Starbuck is a trusted member here, and it IS rude 'complaining' about yourself in a thread that someone else started. It also diverts our attention from the original poster (in this case, you). We all do this for free and would like to have the right to stay in sync with every one of you.. that's why we suggest that if another has an issue - to start their own questions... Plain and simple.

If you ignore us, and choose to divert your attention to another who you think needs help - you are not helping yourself by finding a 'substitute' for your own issues. I do hope that you know we will be here for you as well as anyone else who comes to us and uses the basic rules to post their own issues.

When anyone signs on to this site, they agree that they have read the basic rules and also to adhere by them... we don't expect any more than that - and it is our right to remind those who were not intending to abide.

Take care dear, and I hope you find something to do with yourself - enrich yourself and find more harmony.

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