She is 19, on prozac and addicted to prescription pain medicine, sleeps in the same bed with her mother, who is also addicted to pain medication. She has shared with me she has that condition of being afraid to go outside... so stays in a lot.

Money seems to be an issue so far as paying rent, yet they always have their meds and their cigarettes... They have asked me to loan them rent money, which I have not done.
The baby has CF and went a week without one of his prescribed medications although both she and the grandmother continued their prescriptions and smoking.

The mother and grandmother have been advised for the health of the baby to quit smoking, yet have not. The mother says it is too stressful a time to quit having had a baby with this condition... At least they go out on the deck, but second hand smoke is supposed to be one of the worst things a person with CF can be exposed to and sometimes the smell of smoke can be detected on his blankets or carseat.

On the positive side, the baby is clean and seems very happy. He is growing but I am concerned that their prescription needs seem to take a priority over the baby's.

As the other grandmother and mother of the baby's father, I am trying to do what is right for my grandson and my son. My son has a good job and pays half the rent for their apartment although 3 adults and the baby live there. The other half of rent usually comes from her mother, although for two months, there has not been enough to cover their portion. They have been served a three day notice to leave...

He feels shut out by the two women and is seldom allowed to care for the baby, although he has expressed strong desire to do so. He is good with the baby and wants to be and active parent.
I do not know what to do to help. The women do not communicate with me. My calls go unanswered. I drop in once a week to visit with my grandson which I thankfully have been allowed to do.

It sounds like from what you have said that your son should have custody of the child. Has he talked to the mother about this option? Maybe if he approached it as a temporary arrangement... anything to help get the child help now... Also, I take it when you say he pays half the rent, that is actually child support he gives her?? Why would he pay half her rent? How old is this child and what the legal arrangements? Sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to understand the situation, so maybe you can get some good advice.

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Originally Posted by floridanative

It sounds like from what you have said that your son should have custody of the child. Has he talked to the mother about this option? Maybe if he approached it as a temporary arrangement....anything to help get the child help now... Also, I take it when you say he pays half the rent, that is actually child support he gives her??! Why would he pay half her rent? How old is this child and what the legal arrangements? Sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to understand the situation, so maybe you can get some good advice.

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Her son has custody somewhat because he lives under the same roof. There was nothing in the OP's question about them breaking up. Some states have grandparent rights but not all states so it really depends on where you are. Let us know.

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Originally Posted by floridanative

It sounds like from what you have said that your son should have custody of the child. Has he talked to the mother about this option? Maybe if he approached it as a temporary arrangement....anything to help get the child help now... Also, I take it when you say he pays half the rent, that is actually child support he gives her??! Why would he pay half her rent? How old is this child and what the legal arrangements? Sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to understand the situation, so maybe you can get some good advice.

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He lives in the 2BR apt with the mother and grandmother... although he is in one BR, the women are in the other and keep the baby with them. My son and the mother of his son do not share a relationship anymore, although they did when they acquired housing 5 months ago.
The baby is 4 months old. My son is on the birth certificate as father, but the mom is claiming to be a single mother to get social benefits. The CF status of the baby is very difficult and very complicated. The mother is on welfare and gets some assistance from the state that she could not get if the father were listed as actively involved. CF has it's own support within the state legal structure but I do not understand the system.
The other grandmother works for some sort of social service aiding homeless folks and understands the ins and outs of social support for the baby and his mother. My son can not be claimed in the picture if they are to receive state help.
Where I get confused is: the grandmother and other rent payer has a job-full time... why can she not afford rent? Two months in a row... What is her money going to if not rent?. prescription drugs and cigarettes?. I do not know for sure.

I also do not know what my rights as paternal grandmother start and end... do I go to a lawyer for some sort of custody? Do I encourage my son to go to a lawyer to file for custody based on an unfit mother? Is she unfit?

Take it to court for a custody hearing. It will inconvenience everyone for a while but its for the best interest of the child. Do really want your grandchild exposed to drug addicts and neglect? It will emotionally destroy the child growing up and affect the man he becomes. Children are innocent and precious and they deserve the best life they can be given. And if that's not with his mother, then the father needs to take custody. Anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone special to be a mom. Ever hear that saying? Just because your grandson's mother gave birth to him, it doesn't mean she will love him and give him support.
My opinion is get your grandson out of his mother's care and into your son's if you believe he will take care of him better. It may be hard if the mother doesn't want to give him up, but its not about her. Its about what's best for the baby. He doesn't get to choose who looks after him, he doesn't have a voice. Be your grandson's voice and be determined to help your son get custody, he has to be determined too. Do not give up, save this little boy, and make sure he is with the people who will give him unconditional love, and protect him and support him through his life. Good luck! And stay determined.

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Originally Posted by Duzi

He lives in the 2BR apt with the mother and grandmother...although he is in one BR, the women are in the other and keep the baby with them. My son and the mother of his son do not share a relationship anymore, although they did when they aquired housing 5 months ago.
The baby is 4 months old. My son is on the birth certificate as father, but the mom is claiming to be a single mother to get social benefits. The CF status of the baby is very difficult and very complicated. The mother is on welfare and gets some assistance from the state that she could not get if the father were listed as actively involved. CF has it's own support within the state legal structure but I do not understand the system.
The other grandmother works for some sort of social service aiding homeless folks and understands the ins and outs of social support for the baby and his mother. My son can not be claimed in the picture if they are to recieve state help.
Where I get confused is: the grandmother and other rent payer has a job-full time...why can she not afford rent? Two months in a row... What is her money going to if not rent?....prescription drugs and cigarettes?...I do not know for sure.

I also do not know what my rights as paternal grandmother start and end...do I go to a lawyer for some sort of custody? Do I encourage my son to go to a lawyer to file for custody based on an unfit mother? Is she unfit?

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This situation seems very complicated but it can be sorted through. I still didn't see any mention of child support ( since the mother is on state aide ). He needs to file with the courts for custody and also plan on moving out. At the trial he can bring up his current living situation and let the courts handle it from there. It sounds like fraud is going on from the mother ( through welfare ). He will need a lawyer to get through this. He needs to ask for full custody but don't be surprised if she claims she she is breastfeeding because in those cases the courts unless extreme won't remove the mother from the child for about 1 years time. He needs to file this now and not wait. If she claims to be breastfeeding and she is on drugs as you have claimed then he needs to ask that she be drug tested. It would be dangerous to breastfeed while taking certain meds. He has a long road but it has been traveled before so he can do it. Also you again didn't mention the state this is happening in so as far as grandparents rights don't expect an answer.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

This situation seems very complicated but it can be sorted through. I still didnt see any mention of child support ( since the mother is on state aide ). He needs to file with the courts for custody and also plan on moving out. At the trial he can bring up his current living situation and let the courts handle it from there. It sounds like fraud is going on from the mother ( through welfare ). He will need a lawyer to get through this. He needs to ask for full custody but dont be surprised if she claims she she is breastfeeding because in those cases the courts unless extreme wont remove the mother from the child for about 1 years time. He needs to file this now and not wait. If she claims to be breastfeeding and she is on drugs as you have claimed then he needs to ask that she be drug tested. It would be dangerous to breastfeed while taking certain meds. He has a long road but it has been traveled before so he can do it. Also you again didnt mention the state this is happening in so as far as grandparents rights dont expect an answer.

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And if the father is living there and has a thought that Welfare fraud is being committed, he could very well be part of THAT criminal charge.

Legally he needs to PROVE the mother is unfit and dangerous to the child. He also MUST report the mother's behavior if it is abusive. Second hand smoke, while proven to be dangerous, does not make the mother/grandmother unfit. It's an argument if the child has health problems to begin with but Courts have been reluctant to take a stand.

Is he the acknowledged father or the alleged father? Are you prepared to have the father and baby move in with you? It sounds like the whole bunch of them is getting evicted.

This is another one of those situations that's posted all the time - too late now for the speech about protected sex vs unprotected sex and having sex with people who are (alleged) drug addicts, unstable, unfit and shouldn't be parents.

As far as Grandparents' rights - depends on the State and if your son gets custody and lives with you, you have a lot of control over the child without formal rights.

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Originally Posted by white-rose

Take it to court for a custody hearing. It will inconvenience everyone for a while but its for the best interest of the child. Do really want your grandchild exposed to drug addicts and neglect? It will emotionally destroy the child growing up and affect the man he becomes. Children are innocent and precious and they deserve the best life they can be given. And if that's not with his mother, then the father needs to take custody. Anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone special to be a mom. Ever hear that saying? Just because your grandson's mother gave birth to him, it doesn't mean she will love him and give him support.
My opinion is get your grandson out of his mother's care and into your son's if you believe he will take care of him better. It may be hard if the mother doesn't want to give him up, but its not about her. Its about whats best for the baby. He doesn't get to choose who looks after him, he doesn't have a voice. Be your grandson's voice and be determined to help your son get custody, he has to be determined too. Do not give up, save this little boy, and make sure he is with the people who will give him unconditional love, and protect him and support him through his life. Good luck! And stay determined.

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The Grandmother has no say in this. This is her son's fight, with her encouragement, unless she can prove both her son AND the mother of the child are unfit. The Grandmother has no legal rights to be the "voice" of the grandchild.

Welfare fraud will catch up to this woman and her mother soon enough. It's too bad that the father (your son) is playing along with this mess.