Single Professional Mom - 14 Son Won't Go To School
Hi I found this forum while sitting here trying to problem solve what my son is doing. I am a single parent. My sons father is not involved in my sons life and has never been since we split up 11 years ago. No big loss, he was very abusive to me. Once I got through the healing process I enrolled in college (I was 36 at this time) and obtained my high school and a Bachelor degree. This took me 6 years and I had no outside help. I incurred a huge student loan debt. Another 5 years of working towards getting a fulltime time position (I worked seasonally for 4 months out of a year during this time) in my chosen field I FINALLY was able to find very good employment a little more than a year ago. Now I should mention that all those years of schooling and pursuing my career I went through 2 crappy relationships, moved across the country more times than I care to remember and my son never really had a lot of stability many kids get from living in the same local. We had moved again 6 months ago. All the moving was very hard on him and I had to seek counseling for him a few times to deal with the transitions.
Last spring after our last move my son got into trouble at his new school. He said something very stupid and just to make a long story short he ended up being suspended from school and then arrested. My family were of no support and it was a very difficult time for both of us. I was hopeful however that his going into a new school (Highschool) that he would find his place. Well I know he took up smoking pot over the summer and I haven't been able to get him to stop. I don't give him money and he doesn't have a job so I don't know how he is obtaining it... I suspect he doesn't get it a lot. For the past month now I been getting increasing calls from his school (recorded msgs) that he has missed quite a few classes or been late. I have to leave for work early so he has to get himself up and ready for school. I try to call home at 8:30 to make sure he is up but that isn't working either, he just goes back to sleep after we hang up. He is getting a bad attitude about school and I have noticed that he displays more anger and arrogance towards me when I try to tell him he has to go to school if he is to make anything out of himself. He just doesn't seem to care. He watched me go through 6 years of schooling... years of near poverty... of my trying to break into the ranks of full time (not easy when your 40 something). I try to tell him NOT to wait like I did to get an education. He sees how I still struggle. Today I didn't go to work because I didn't even have enough money for gas (its a 40 minute drive) and because I wanted to observe how he was getting himself up. His alarm went off for an hour without him once turning it off, then again for 30 minutes after I told him to shut it off and get up. I was quite angry with him and his backtalk this morning and he took off without taking his schoolbooks. I called the school to get them to call me if he didn't show up. He didn't. I was so mad I took his xbox and put it in my car. I have already changed the password on the computer to limit his time on it. He doesn't get an allowance so I don't know what else I can do to get him to take school seriously. I am afraid that he will end up dropping out. Part of me just wants to give up and let him do whatever he wants. Another part of me says to keep at him and hope he turns around. This has been having negative affects on me at work and I feel very depressed and at a loss. I don't know where this is going to lead. Is there anything I can do to turn him around?