I have been married for almost 11 years now. Totally faithful, with no reason to wander. But our sexual relationship has headed south. Now it only can be "making love". What happened to sex?

To me, and yes, I am a guy, "making love" is a lifetime act with that one person that makes you feel special. It takes years to make and express the love that you have for your significant other. It's the years that build the love, not the act of putting "part A in slot B". Is that total "guy" of me, or is there some secret I need to know about the female brain?

I do understand the relationship between sex and acceptance, trust, and understanding.

Am I just missing the bigger picture here?

Jethrow.

While, I agree with you totally, this seems to be what your wife enjoys... the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" doesn't Do anything for her. Possibly ask her if that is where the problem lies, or it's something more.

I'm not sure I understand the situation... are you saying that your wife doesn't want to have sex? That you only want to have cerebral sex?

Will you clarify?

Correct, she doesn't want to have sex anymore. And if we do, it's "that was just sex, not making love", I'm lost.

Well. Creating love between two people would be what you have described. Making love is simply a term created by someone to describe the more intimate act of sex between two people who have fallen in love with each other. Plain ole sex on the other hand doesn't have to involve love. But two people in love can have raunchy sex. It can be fun. It doesn't have to be the slow sweet "making love" all the time. But if your wife isn't comfortable anymore with sexy sex then you should try to help her feel sexy again. If you make her feel sexy again and make her see you as sexy again and hot for you then you will get the sexy sex. If you make her want you and hold back a little. This may be a process though. It isn't necessarily as easy as a little dirty talk one night and she's going to be all ready. It may take a week or two of flirting, building her up and maybe some sexy texts or emails. Maybe a new haircut on yourself, or some new clothes even. Just spice things up. Make a change. Make it like it was in the beginning.

Hm, she has a disconnect in her mind regarding sex and loving feelings.

Sex is complicated... there are many ways to have sex from masturbation through hot monkey love through nice sex thry cosmic sex...

Sounds like she has children and housework and that has killed her good feelings about being sexual... all of sex is just effing to her.. . that happens A lot.

She may have hidden resentments toward you, too.

Perhaps a few sessions with a couples therapist to get to the facts? :)

Sounds like it's time for a nice long massage (no touchie, lol) and some quiet time.

Since you did not go into many details, I will go out on a limb here. You have kids? Your wife works at least part time? She has to cook clean, do the laundry? And you are concerned that she does not want sex? Have you given any thought to helping her around the house without being asked? Maybe take her out to dinner once in a while. How about a nice quiet Sunday drive, just the two of you. Maybe topped by a nice lunch at some quiet out of the way place. No NOT JOES BAR AND GRILL. Try making her feel special again without any expectations on your part and see how the sparks will fly again.

Try to do some nice pampering-type things for her then she might feel like she wants to do some nice adult things for you. It's a good start to show you are trying. A nice bath for her may turn into a nice bath for two. Shower together, with no intention of anything but just being together in a nonsexual way, but maybe help her soap up a bit or something. Little things like this can turn into more. A massage is good too, give her little kisses around her neck or where ever turns her on. Being alone and naked together in a potentially naked situation can lead to some nice good sex. More than anything this will show that you are really trying to do some nice stuff for her and to just have some grown up time with her. Does that make sense?

You can try spice up the sex in the bed room... don't let the sex be scheduled that takes the fun out of it try and show her that you are willing to go the hole nine yards with and for her...
Sex makes up a huge part of a relationship and do different things... do character sex in that both of you get dress up in customes and you take it from there... be exciting,exotic and try showing her that sex does not always have to be romantic... You can first ask her however what are her fantasies and try to fulfill them...