Hello, me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years but it seems forever.I love him deeply and am so scare of losing him he's my best friend the only person I tell everything too and cry too when I'm sad.well, a year ago I didn't realize how much I truly loved him and made some stupid mistakes.I was speaking to a guy nothing sexual no kissing, hugging anything but, our conversations were heated.Well, my boyfriend seen 1 of our converstions and was so upset he forgave me and gave me another chance.Now a year later he doesn't trust me and its ruining our relationship we hardly speak to each other, fight constantly and haven't had intercourse in 3 months which for us is a lot.Im so truly scare of losing this man he means the world to me but, I'm thinking of just going our separate ways which is something I don't want.What can I do so he would trust me more? I am sorry for what I did and would never even think about doing it again.

Please answer scared of losing him :(!!

Gigi, I'm a bit confused, is this your boyfriend or your husband? In other posts you refer to him as your hubby, and you are also trying to conceive. What is really going on?

The only thing you can do is talk to him, ask him what's going on, what he's thinking and stressing that you will never stray again. The rest is up to him.

I do have to say that trying to have a child at this time is a bad idea. If things are already strained between the two of you a child will only add to the problem.

Good luck.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gigi0317

What can I do so he would trust me more?

---

BE completely trustworthy. And admit exactly what you did wrong and see if that is how he sees it, too. I always tell my kids, you can't just say "I'm sorry" when you've done something to hurt someone else. You can be sorry but the person you're saying I'm sorry to may or may not trust that you won't do it again and just say I'm sorry again. You have to make sure that YOU realize why what you did was wrong and show how YOU are making personal changes on your own volition to avoid that mistake in the future. You must say " I'm sorry" AND define what you are sorry for. For if he thinks that you really don't see why what you did was wrong (even if it was only wrong is his eyes) then he's not feeling as if his opinion is respected. Time is also necessary. If you beat a dog, the dog will shy away from you until you've given the dog enough time without beating it to make it trust you again. But it can take an incredibly long time. If you genuinely love him and trust him give him his space to form his own opinion of when/if he'll trust you again. He actually may decide that one break in trust does end the relationship. You have to respect his decision if that's what he decides. (since a relationship is a partnership it can't continue unless you both choose to continue) Don't lay a guilt trip on him. And don't force your opinion of how long he should take down his throat. You can't go around saying, 'trust me trust me'--that makes most folks not trust you.
And, too, if you genuinely feel that he overreacted you are also entitled to your opinion, too. Maybe you are more of a carefree person than he is. And if so you two may not be a good match. Ask yourself, is he trying to change/control your behaviors around other men in a way that makes you unhappy? If so, then you need to leave him and move on to someone who shares your attitude and let him move on to someone who accepts his attitude.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Gigi, I'm a bit confused, is this your boyfriend or your husband? In other posts you refer to him as your hubby, and you are also trying to conceive. What is really going on?

The only thing you can do is talk to him, ask him what's going on, what he's thinking and stressing that you will never stray again. The rest is up to him.

I do have to say that trying to have a child at this time is a bad idea. If things are already strained between the two of you a child will only add to the problem.

Good luck.

---

Hii I'll explain we are engaged and trying to make a family but, after the past keeps coming up and ruining our good times we just stopped tryiing.We also are thinking of just breaking the engaged so, for right now I'm referring to him as my boyfriend.Sorry if I confused you.

Sometimes it takes a while to build the trust back but this incident happen over a year. If he is still bringing it up then he's not over it yet and the question I have for him is when will it be? If your want to make the relationship last then counselling is in order. Me and my fiancé went to one and it made us stronger. Otherwise, I don't see it lasting.

Let me see if I get this right? You had conversations via email that were of a sexual nature, your guy found it and read it; got extremely upset that you'd disclose or talk that way and now doesn't trust you?

He doesn't trust because you shared intimacies with someone else; no sex but admit it you had fun doing it or you wouldn't have. I see you are sorry you did it... he needs to see and trust that too. Give him your password to check anytime he wants to; that you aren't doing that anymore... help him to build that trust back by showing him you meant what you said... Signs are there for him if he's still not trusting you or he's had an experience earlier in life that's assisting this non-trust he has for you still... ask him if he's had trust issues before you.

If your trying to build something solid, your certainly going about it the wrong way, and maybe this is a good time to evaluate YOURSELF, and this relationship in a more honest way.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...al-250017.html

For sure you need a lot more communication, and time to build a solid relationship, through working together, before you add the stress of starting a family.

Deal with the trust issue, which is a long involved process, before you do the family stuff.

Thanks everyone we talk our problems out and are doing much better.