Ask Me Help Desk - I'm almost 16 and pregnant, and its about custody

Hi, My name is Sara, I am currently 15 and will be 16 soon, I am 5months pregnant, and here is my story and questions. I was dating this Guy named Jason(he's 18 years old) for almost 1year, We broke up, And the next day After we broke up I came to find out I was pregnant with his baby, I was nice and called to tell him but he wasn't home so I ended up just telling his mother. She then told Jason and his sister who is 27 years old, when they came home, his sister then called me where I was at, being rude, and said I don't think this baby is my brothers, so I left it at that, he denied the baby, totally, he had told my mother when she called him to talk with him about it that he hadn't touched me in months and it couldn't be his, so like I said he denied this baby, but I know this baby was his, I knew when my last period was, And I knew when I missed my period, So I was like whatever, So my obgyn told me I was a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis, And my doctor wanted Jason to get tested, but he had said he wouldn't go get tested unless it was court ordered. I then proceeded to talk to his grandfather, and told his grandfather you know I will take him to court if that's what he wants, I explained to his pap I was trying to be nice by not doing that at first, I told his grandfather to tell him I would see him in court for child support, the paternity test, and all of that, So then I come to find out he had told someone I know that he wants to try and get custody of my unborn daughter when I have her in February, I really don't want him to have custody of my daughter, I want to have custody because I am her mother and I deserve to give her the best life she could ever have, I want to show her how to do things when she gets older, I want to be the one she can come to for anything and everything, I will take care of my daughter if I have custody but if Jason has custody my daughter probably will be around drugs and so forth, I am in a clean environment, Yes when I was dating Jason I did drugs and got into trouble with the law and I paid the price for it, but that shouldn't stop me from having custody it was in my past and all I care about now is my unborn daughter, And how I will be the best mother to her, yes it will be hard but I will do it, I love my daughter even if she's not even born yet, Jason hasn't been here the whole pregnancy he wasn't even there to help me whe I had the decisions of abortion or staying pregnant and keeping her, I choose on myself to stay pregnant and keep her. I just knew deep inside I loved my unborn baby no matter what and it wouldve been irresponsible to have an abortion so I am having my daughter in February and I would like to keep full custody, Jason is bi-polar and he isn't on his medicine, and he has a really bad temper, I need some advice on how to help the judge to choose to give me full custody of my daugter and not Jason! I do plan on letting him into her life. Please he.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soon2blilma16

Hi, My name is Sara, I am currently 15 and will be 16 soon, I am 5months pregnant, and here is my story and questions. I was dating this Guy named Jason(he's 18 years old) for almost 1year, We broke up, And the next day After we broke up I came to find out I was pregnant with his baby, I was nice and called to tell him but he wasnt home so I ended up just telling his mother. She then told Jason and his sister who is 27 years old, when they came home, his sister then called me where I was at, being rude, and said I dont think this baby is my brothers, so I left it at that, he denied the baby, totally, he had told my mother when she called him to talk with him about it that he hadn't touched me in months and it couldnt be his, so like I said he denied this baby, but I know this baby was his, I knew when my last period was, And I knew when I missed my period, So I was like whatever, So my obgyn told me I was a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis, And my doctor wanted Jason to get tested, but he had said he wouldnt go get tested unless it was court ordered. I then proceeded to talk to his grandfather, and told his grandfather you know I will take him to court if thats what he wants, I explained to his pap I was trying to be nice by not doing that at first, I told his grandfather to tell him I would see him in court for child support, the paternity test, and all of that, So then I come to find out he had told someone I know that he wants to try and get custody of my unborn daughter when i have her in febuary, I really dont want him to have custody of my daughter, I want to have custody because I am her mother and I deserve to give her the best life she could ever have, I want to show her how to do things when she gets older, I want to be the one she can come to for anything and everything, I will take care of my daughter if I have custody but if Jason has custody my daughter probably will be around drugs and so forth, I am in a clean enviroment, Yes when I was dating Jason I did drugs and got into trouble with the law and I payed the price for it, but that shouldnt stop me from having custody it was in my past and all I care about now is my unborn daughter, And how I will be the best mother to her, yes it will be hard but i will do it, I love my daughter even if shes not even born yet, Jason hasnt been here the whole pregnancy he wasnt even there to help me whe i had the descisions of abortion or staying pregnant and keeping her, I choose on myself to stay pregnant and keep her. I just knew deep inside I loved my unborn baby no matter what and it wouldve been irresponsible to have an abortion so I am having my daughter in febuary and I would like to keep full custody, Jason is bi-polar and he isnt on his medicine, and he has a really bad temper, I need some advice on how to help the judge to choose to give me full custody of my daugter and not Jason! I do plan on letting him into her life. please he.

You cannot force Jason to do anything until the child is born. After the child is born you would request support and a custody order. He will undoubtedly counter for visitation and perhaps support. The Court will order DNA testing - and you can request testing for cystic fibrosis if you want. The Court will then review your history and circumstances and Jason's history and circumstances and determine how support, custody, visitation would be best for the child. I realize you "got into trouble with the law" for using drugs. Did he?

It's too late now but this is the problem when you have sex, protected or unprotected because protection isn't 100%, with people who have bad tempers, are bi-polar and don't take medication, use drugs and don't want to be parents.

In some States, depending on your ages when you were having sex, he could very well be arrested. Of course, that won't help you because he can't pay support when he's sitting in jail.

In the meantime I would stop calling his family/friends - your own words could very well come back to haunt you and it appears that the calls are counter productive. If they want to talk to you they presumably know where to find you.

In the meantime - do you have the support of your friends? Raising a child alone is very difficult, particularly at 15, when you - presumably - haven't even graduated from high school. At times it's less about loving your child and more about supporting your child - emotionally and financially.

JudyKayTee, I agree completely. It sounds like for a 15 year old, you DO have your head screwed on straight. But try to avoid saying things like "I deserve to....." because when you become a mother, it is NO LONGER about what you deserve, but what the child deserves. But please, whatever you do, don't get back with this guy, a man who denies his unborn child, then turns around and threatens to take it from its mother. Good luck to you and your baby

I have very little to add to what Judy said, but I would like to highlight a couple of points. First, you should have never told his mother until you had talked to him. Then you should never have compounded this by talking with other family members. As noted, this could come back to haunt you. You should have no direct contact with him or his family at this point.

What you should do is get yourself a lawyer. The lawyer will prepare the paperwork to file for full physical and legal custody and child support as soon as the baby is born. Your attorney should NOT file for or offer visitation, that will be up to the father's attorney, but there is a good chance, if the paternity tests shows him to be the father, that it will be granted.

You should also check the laws on age of consent for your area. He might be on the hook for that and it might be usuable as a bargaining chip.

Let me close by adding it is highly unlikely that a child will be taken from its mother. The mother would have to be proven totally unfit for that to happen.

Only thing Id like to add is.. what state is this taking place in ?

Hold on2 your baby... fight 2 keep her because in the first place he denied her and did not want her an I must commend you on cleaning up your act keep it that way so as 2 giv your daughter what she wants an get where you want to be in life... God will show you the way he never leav us in times of trouble

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chebaby

hold on2 ur baby... fight 2 keep her bcuz in the first place he denied her and did not want her an i must commend u on cleanin up ur act keep it that way so as 2 giv ur daughter wat she wants an get where u want 2 b in life... God will show u the way he never leav us in times of trouble

This is a LEGAL board, not an advice board. Please - no text messaging and legal advice only, which this is not.