I don't know where to start, but here it goes...

My boyfriend was with his ex for 7 years (he is 28 years old now). They got married when they were 19. After 6 years of being together, he told her he wasn't happy with her and tried to leave her, but she couldn't let him go. He started seeing another girl casually behind her back, and when she found out, but she still wouldn't let him go. He eventually moved out from living with his wife, moved back to his parents, and continued to see the other girl off and on... but she would still do whatever it took to see him (this continued for 2 years). The fact that they have the same group of close friends doesn't help.

When he finally met me a little over a year ago, he told his ex about me, and that he doesn't want her interfering with our relationship.

*fast forward to 2 months after he met me*

My boyfriend and I were at a bar one night with his friends. His ex showed up really drunk, confronted me (the 1st conversation I ever had with her) and told me some BS like "Just to let you know, I saw him flirting with another girl". I told her to mind her own business and that I don't believe her... then she shoved me... I almost fell to the floor... and she got kicked out of the bar. She apologized for this a month later... but I didn't feel it was a sincere apology (girls know these things).

When the group of friends, my boyfriend, and I are all out... she'll make loud/rude comments about how they used to have sex, and so many things that don't make me feel comfortable. She is a very obnoxious person. I always just pretend I don't hear her. I told my boyfriend several times to tell her to please stop this, but he says he doesn't want to start drama with her and to just ignore her.

*fast forward to last weekend*

She apologized *again* for making me feel uncomfortable this whole year. She also told me that she's over him, and that I don't have to worry. I felt a little relieved after she appologized to me, but I still don't trust her 100%. My boyfriend is a really nice guy and wants to be "cool" with everyone, so he remains friends with his her, because he doesn't want anything against anyone, which is a good thing I guess.

Now my problem is that after all this time... she STILL emails/texts/calls him on an almost daily/weekly basis... and he communicates back to her. But she is the one who ALWAYS initiates contact with him. She'll ask him anything from how his job is going... to if he's going to be out at a certain party. Half the time, he tells me about their communications, half the time, I see his email open on his computer and see it for myself (no, I don't check his emails normally). She recently invited him over to her place to visit her and their old pets they used to have together. I'm not saying I don't trust him... I'm just not OK with my boyfriend and his ex being "buddy buddy" like this (especially considering their past).

I told him I'm not comfortable with all this... but he told me I have "nothing to worry about".

Am I overreacting? Is it OK for ex's to be "friends" like this? In my opinion, I think it's best to keep communication with an ex to a minimum when you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Sorry for the long post... I just needed to get that off my chest and see how others feel about this. Thanks for reading. :(

I was thinking of emailing my boyfriends ex and telling her how I feel about all this and to put herself in my shoes... but I don't know if that would be too immature. :confused:

It is OK for ex's to be friends, I will say that but will also say that they should also respect boundaries which she is clearly not. A simple e-mail to her explaining how you feel(not in an attacking way) would not be a bad idea. A simple heads up that it makes you uncomfortable with the things she is saying would be fine.

I'm sorry, I may have missed something, and I'm assuming that this is the case, but your boyfriend did get divorced, right? This is a not-giving-up ex-wife, right?

Yes, they got divorced... but not officially until a few months ago.

Hi MsJulia, I really think you, and your boyfriend have problems, because your having a hard time communicating. Making things very easy to get passed over, and relationship boundaries to be going undefined.

This post, and your other one, is bearing this out, as your not resolving issues in this relationship, nor even working together to that end.

Bad behavior, is bad behavior, and running in the same circle as the ex is not a good thing, under these circumstances, and I do believe its up to him, to reign in this BS behavior by HIS ex.

It's a big red flag to me that he doesn't. Sorry, just my opinion.

So, technically, he was having an affair with you... they might have been separated, but bottom line, it was an affair.

Maybe this is another issue, but I agree with Tal. There are some big red flags here...

He can definitely be friends with his ex, but there have to be boundaries.

If she is emailing, texting, calling, everyday, and he's responding, that's not okay, especially since you've made it clear that you are uncomfortable with this.

An email to the ex is probably a good idea, but, considering her past and present behaviour, I don't think it will get you anywhere.

You and your boyfriend have to talk about this, be honest, tell him exactly how this is making you feel, that it's not a trust issue, but an issue none the less.

Good luck.

I think if your boyfriend continues being friends with her it will only cause problems between your two. It's okay to be cool with people but he needs to be very limited with his communication with her. I think as long as she is in the picture it will be drama. Yes she saids she sorry but what will happen the next time she decides to get drunk? It doesn't sound like she is over him and he's accepting this behavior.

Yeah... I think its completely disrespectful to you what HE is doing. Forget what she is doing, a tramp is going to act like a tramp, but if he really cared about you and was over her, you would come first and he wouldn't come up with bogus excuses like 'o you have nothing to worry about'.
Hes probably still getting with her. Dump him and find someone who is worth it.