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-   -   Confused feelings about a guy friend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=267521)

  • Oct 8, 2008, 07:59 PM
    Chameleon24
    Confused feelings about a guy friend
    I'm sorry if this seems like a silly question. I'm probably just overthinking things, but I figured I'd mention it on here anyway to see what comes up.

    I met this guy about a month ago over a dating website. We're both the same age and lived by each other so he contacted me and we decided to hang out one night. Since then I've been seeing him a lot. Sometimes we watch movies or go out to eat somewhere and just hang out pretty much. We text every day about just random stuff. We have a lot of the same interests, so we could talk for hours. So I guess I'd call him a new friend of mine. But then of course about a week ago I started getting these feelings that maybe I was starting to like him. But I can't figure it out. Am I just thinking this way because I've been spending a lot of time with him or could I be attracted to him? It's hard for me to read. And I've also been bothering my mind with questions like: does he find me attractive? Or does he see me as someone cool to hang out with?
    It just sort of bothers me for some reason. But I think it's all about me not being able to understand what my feelings mean. If that makes any sense. Like I said, I'm probably just overthinking things.
  • Oct 8, 2008, 08:19 PM
    ylaira

    You are starting to like him that's why you are curious what's going on his mind and his "whatabouts". You won't know unless you ask. Since you are his new "friend" say

    "If we're going out, doesn't that bother to your GF?"
    "I want to ask your opnion....I want to date "this" guy, do you think he will find me as cool?attractive?"
  • Oct 8, 2008, 08:46 PM
    hannah_nicole
    I think, if you really do start to like him and want to become more exclusive, you should ask him how he views you - as just a friend or something more? As for you being unsure if you like him ask yourself, do you find him attractive? If you think about kissing him is it a good or bad thought? Does it make you jealous to think of him as another girls boyfriend?
  • Oct 8, 2008, 08:48 PM
    Chameleon24
    Well, I know he doesn't have a girlfriend. We actually tend to talk about our ex's a lot. I don't know, I'm just scared that if I mention something about it things might become weird. Even if I disguise the questions, I might just over analyze the answers. I'm not even sure what I want... continue hanging out as friends or give dating a shot.
    Another big thing I should mention. I'm actually going to be moving away in a couple weeks. It's out of the state, about two hours away. It's for school, so I'll be back home for holidays and some weekends. But I was thinking maybe that had to do with it too. We both know I'll be leaving so neither of us our trying anything?
  • Oct 8, 2008, 08:52 PM
    Chameleon24
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by hannah_nicole View Post
    I think, if you really do start to like him and want to become more exclusive, you should ask him how he views you - as just a friend or something more? As for you being unsure if you like him ask yourself, do you find him attractive? If you think about kissing him is it a good or bad thought? Does it make you jealous to think of him as another girls boyfriend?


    Lol, well... I do find him kind of attractive. And yes I've thought about making out with him. And I think I would get jealous if he started going out with someone.

    But then I ask myself... would I want him as a boyfriend? Do I even want a boyfriend at this time? I'm not sure how to answer those.
  • Oct 8, 2008, 08:52 PM
    jjwoodhull
    You said you met on a dating website, which implies that you are both looking for someone to have a relationship with. Obviously you have a lot in common and enjoy each others' company. Take a risk and tell him how you feel. If he is really your friend it will be OK.
  • Oct 8, 2008, 09:49 PM
    thadevilsadvocate

    I think that you're your feelings of liking him could be very true, and I think that talking to him would be a good idea. However, it is a little concerning that you are going to be moving out of the area. Granted, its only a couple hours, but still, two ways, that is twice as many hours. Sure, anyone that wants to be in a relationship should be willing to make that sacrifice if their feelings are real for the other person, however, you are still getting to know all about each other, and I think you should wait until a month or so after the move, and see how things go with the two of you until then. You don't want to start something and then move and let stress or tension, or even the distance begin to cause problems. The fact that you are hanging out as friends, and getting to know each other is great and that is the beginning of a solid foundation of something that could potentially last a long time, if that is something that you wanted. However, give yourself some time to adjust to your new area, and see how you settle with the distance. If he is still interested, he'll still be around, and if he goes somewhere, then you can be for sure that he was not going to make that 4 hr round trip very often for you. This is a great opportunity for you, as you are able to see the kind of effort and commitment he is willing to make, before you have to make any decisions. So keep on keeping on, like you are now, and take it one day at a time.
  • Oct 9, 2008, 06:23 AM
    nicola89

    I think you should try things out see what happens. If you had been friends for a long time it would off been different but you haven't .
  • Oct 9, 2008, 09:35 AM
    talaniman
    Nothing wrong with having feelings, and the thoughts your having, but a month is way to soon to be acting on them. Have fun getting to know each other, and see if those feelings are still the same in say... 6/7 MONTHS.

    Then you can decide if this goes further than just hanging out, or not. What's the rush to jump into something with someone you just met??
  • Oct 10, 2008, 09:22 AM
    Chameleon24

    Thanks everyone for the responses. I think I'm going to wait and see what happens to the friendship after the move then see if my feelings stay the same way.

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