My ex is 19 and I'm 17 and we were together for what would have been a year on June 1st. We broke up a month ago today and it seems like all I want is for him to think of me too (not that I know if he does/doesn't). Our break-up was mutual because we were negatively affecting eachother.
I was in foster care and recently moved out on my own. I had smoked weed a few times as a young teen, but picked up habitually once I became independent. I still smoke every day and in all honesty, I feel more intelligent when I'm high (not to mention I'm much nicer); but anyway..
there was a time for about 5 months somewhere in the middle of the relationship when everything was amazing.. I guess this was when we were past falling in love, saw eachothers real sides, and made it through difficult events together (atleast minor)- then he changed. He got off probation, we started smoking weed together, and suddenly neither of us were happy when we were together unless we were high. Now, not to say that there weren't times when we hadn't smoked that we weren't crazy in love, because there were.. but basically, those were rare (and cherished) moments.
Breaking up was the BEST idea not only for our relationship, but for our friendship. That's what I miss the most, my best friend. My entire life revolved around him (mistake #1), and it would crumble when he did something to upset me (mistake #2).. but most importantly he made me feel like **** about myself (BIGGEST MISTAKE). I never knew I could be secure on my own and I'm still trying to re-discover Ashley because I'm used to being "AshAndJT" but it's hard and I miss my friend. I called him like a week after we broke up (he has my prom dress); we talked two or three times and each time I felt like an idiot for calling him. He was a JERK. He has some other girl pick up the phone the third time (a girl i know and that i have suspicions about since her mother tries to hook them up CONSTANTLY) and after that I wanted to rip his freaking head off for doing that to me. He KNOWS better than to have another girl pick-up.. he knows what I've been through and how bad that would hurt (my self-esteem atleast)- she claimed he was drunk (it was a party) and we haven't talked since.
Should I call him? I want to. Atleast for my dress if not for the coolest dude I've ever had in my life (BEFORE I FELL IN LOVE)..?

Ashley, you have some amazing insight for someone so young, but let's see if we can fill in a few gaps. :)

The reason you made mistake #1 (revolving around him) is because there isn't enough of YOU yet, and that takes time to develop. To help in this development, focus on working to provide for yourself, education if that is at all possible to fit in so you don't get stuck in a low paying job, friends to do fun things with, and managing living on your own - and wow, what a full plate that is!

You aren't really ready for a big heavy duty committed relationship and the reason that is apparent is mistake #2 (letting him crash you). But you showed that you already smart enough to figure out the mistake #2 comes from mistake #1. So review the solution for avoiding mistake #1 as often as necessary, okay?

And for mistake #3 (the "who I am" deal), well that is where you took my breath away with how perceptive you are - good for you! Self security is a very big deal. We gain self assurance and esteem by conquering the big challenges in life and doing esteemable things. Maybe write down a few goals, not too many. And next to each one detail a specific plan to achieve it. Whenever you have spare time you might be tempted to use to call him and make a fool of yourself on the phone, divert your energies into these plans!

You have a lot going for you already, and if you aren't sure about how to achieve the goals, well you have us here at Ask Me Help Desk!

Don't let your life go up in smoke, even literally. Get busy and be the Ashley you want to be. :cool:

VS-

Thank you for responding.. I appreciate not only the insight, but the compliments as well (very big help when your self-esteem is next to shot!). It's ironic that you mentioned the education aspect because if there was anything left of determination after we broke up; school was it.
I think the reason school means so much to me is, like you said, to avoid a low-paying job.. but not even just that- knowledge is the best tool to finding out who you are, where your from, and what your capable of doing. Knowledge is endless and that's something I need (endlessness). I learned from the last heart-break that the only thing out there that no other person could take from me (even the *** holes I seem to attract like freaking mosquitos) is my knowledge. They can take my self-esteem and the way I see myself- but they can't take what I know.. that matters to me because I've spent my whole life wondering what I'm going to lose next and with knowledge I never have to worry. Thats why I love to learn, and thats why I love school. Weird, huh? A pothead who loves school. ;)

As far as for JT.. I made it through tonight (the 1 month break-up mark) without calling him- it was hard.. it sucked.. and its not over, but at least I've made it through thus far. One day at a time, right? .. thanks again.

Hey, Sparky, I think you are doing great. VS really has great advice, take what she says to heart.

I am MUCH older than you, actually I have 2 sons older than you. But EDUCATION is the key. When I was 38 I had a fourth baby and also found that the education that I had was not adequate for the area I live in. I decided to go back to school for nursing. It was by far the best decision I have made. It does everything for the self-esteem. I just got chosen for nursing school. Over 300 applied and only 45 got accepted!

Keep it up. You can do great things if you keep your mind on it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aKa_sparky

Thats why I love to learn

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You just made my heart do a little jig! :p

Sparky there is one thing that you said that you should really give some serious thought to. ( I still smoke every day and in all honesty, I feel more intelligent when I'm high (not to mention I'm much nicer); but anyway.. ) Sure you feel more intelligent, the same what that a drunk guy thinks he is more handsome, and he think he has to talk loud for you to hear him, and why he does not know that he is spitting in your face as he talks to you. I think if you would not smoke things would seem much clearer to you. I am sorry I don't know how to fix your relationship, but just remember that you are very young and you have to rest of your life to find happiness. Good Luck

Hi, aka,
I read the first few sentences of your question, but didn't have to read any further than "I smoke weed on a daily basis".
Drug addiction is something that you have to overcome before any good relationships can be formed. There will always be problems with any relationship, while on drugs of any kind.
A Good relationship requires trust, compromise, caring, real love, and wanting the other to be happy. It has to be the same between both partners.
You really have to take care of yourself first, go to some NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings; they are free. There will be people there with the same experiences as you... and you will make many new friends.
Until you can "be yourself" without drugs, any relationship will be in trouble.
I am 64, married 29 yrs, and have seen much of this in my life from others.
PS; I do agree with the answer you got before mine. Straighten yourself out first, then go for it! At 17, your life is just starting. ONLY YOU can make the change, to start enjoying life to the fullest... without drugs.

Letmetellu and Fred may be on to something here too. Your own headline to this post suggests looking closer at your use of pot?

Here is the website to NA... www.na.org
And AA... www.aa.org

If you have any questions concerning recovery using a 12-step program, feel free to ask here too.

Unfortunately I think the only thing you two had in common was weed. Any 2 people can smoke weed together. That doesn't mean that they can have a relationship or even a friendship together. You admitted yourself that you weren't happy unless you were high together. That right there tells me that this isn't the guy for you. What are you going to do, stay high 24/7/365 for the rest of your lives so you can be happy with each other? You know that's not realistic. I'll forgo the usual speeches about how and why you shouldn't even be using weed because I'm sure you've heard them all already. I will, however, advise you to find yourself a guy who'll like you when you and he are both stone cold straight and not high or drunk.