Ask Me Help Desk - I don't know what to do

I don't know what to do

So me and my boyfriend were together for almost two years. After he moved closer to me things kind of got more difficult. He started to fall behind on his bills even though I was there helping him with everything it wasn't enough. He said he wants to be a man and do it all by himself. Anyway he just broke up with me. We have been on and off again for the past month or two and now he says we really need to be broken up. He says he can't do it anymore and he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He just got a second job and now he says all he wants to do is be alone and work. I just don't know what I should do. He says not to call him or ask to see him. He also says I need time for "right now". Or "let me call you".. "let me ask you to hang out".. I stopped calling him as much as I did when we were together.. we both call in and check in once in a while. But I just don't know if I should ignore him or talk to him.. I hate playing games.. but does he need to loose me to appreciate me?? I just need some kind of advice =(

I read this and still feel like I'm missing something but not sure what. Is there something your holding back here?

Other then that if he broke up with you then you have to pull back all the way and not speak to him. Maybe he will see what he's missing when your gone but you have to start living your life like he's not coming back.

I'm a little lost too.. I'm not holding anything back.. I don't think..
I'm just confused because we have broken up but why does he say let me call you let me ask you to hang out.. or I just need time right now.. and he wanted to pick up his stuff the other day and after he "forgot" my stuff he just left the stuff he wanted to pick up and said he will be back anyway..

Its just a little confusing..

This break up didn't just happen. You said you've been breaking up and getting back together. Something is not adding up here, what has been causing the other break ups?

Quote:

Originally Posted by myheart0345

....why does he say let me call you let me ask you to hang out..or i just need time right now..

He doesn't want to be with you but he wants to keep you in his back pocket for when he has nothing better going on.

yea we broke up like 2 months ago he said the same thing to me.. he didn't want to be in a relationship because he just didn't want to do it anymore.

after a week or two of not seeing each other we started hanging out again and we got back together.. now he's says he doesn't want to be in a relationship again.. he is tired of having to do all the boyfriend stuff.. calling.. having to make time for me.. feeling bad when he can't come see me stuff like that. So he said he wants to just focus on his two jobs and paying his bills...

I asked him if it was about other girls to just be honest and he says its not and if it were he wouldn't even be in my life at all.. he still calls me once in a while about random stuff so that's why I'm confused.. when we talk I sometimes I mention something about us getting together and he says no because once we do we will get back together again.. so I just don't know if I need to just forget about him and ignore him or talk to him when he calls.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

He doesn't want to be with you but he wants to keep you in his back pocket for when he has nothing better going on.

That makes a lot of sense. I didn't even think of that. So should I just start ignoring his calls?

Quote:

He says not to call him or ask to see him. He also says I need time for "right now". Or "let me call you".. "let me ask you to hang out"..

Take him at his word, and do as he says, stop calling. Stop taking his calls too, disappear from his life, and be unavailable to him.

That's the only way you can have a chance at some clarity later, and not have games played with your feelings, or be confused by him.

Just treat him as he teats you.

He basically did what most women do. He left the relationship emotionally long before he left physically. He wants you as a friend but nothing more. You do need to forget about him and not even accept his calls.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Just treat him as he teats you.

Hey you changed your post.

Yeah I figured no sense in beating a dead horse with a dead horse.

I agree with chuff... there has to be some underlying problems which have caused all this turbulence between you two.

For one, why when he moved closer to you things got more difficult? Does he feel smothered, controlled, do you think you are needy? Just some ideas, but are there any reasons you can think of.

Also, another possibility... Maybe the stress of his financial difficulties and bruised ego from his inability to handle it by himself thus far has something to do with it.

But for now anyway its time for you to keep your distance. He broke up with you and dragging it out is going to do nothing but make you miserable. I'm sure he misses you and that's probably why he contacts you and keeps you around. Frankly I think he's using you and you have to put your foot down and stop it. If he wants you back he will come out and say it, until then he doesn't get to have the comfort of you in his life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Just treat him as he teats you.

Hey you changed your post. That is not what I rated.

No worries. I appreciate the opinion though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

I agree with chuff... there has to be some underlying problems which have caused all this turbulence between you two.

For one, why when he moved closer to you things got more difficult? Does he feel smothered, controlled, do you think you are needy? Just some ideas, but are there any reasons you can think of.

Also, another possibility... Maybe the stress of his financial difficulties and bruised ego from his inability to handle it by himself thus far has something to do with it.

But for now anyways its time for you to keep your distance. He broke up with you and dragging it out is going to do nothing but make you miserable. I'm sure he misses you and that's probably why he contacts you and keeps you around. Frankly I think he's using you and you have to put your foot down and stop it. If he wants you back he will come out and say it, until then he doesn't get to have the comfort of you in his life.

Yea I'm going to just ignore him and not cal him. I'm tired of being the only one trying. He moved here a couple of months ago and ever since than he's been different. Well once he realized he didn't make enough to pay for everything I tried helping him pay for some of his bills but all he kept saying was how much less of a man that makes him feel. He didn't want any help but had no choice. So ever since than he's been different and unhappy. He said he appreciates it but he can't do this anymore. So we broke up and than he got his other job.

I just dumped my boyfriend for the same issues. There was too much drama in a relationship for me, and I was falling behind on what I needed to fufil my career and I just didden't have the time. Having someone your that close to as in a relationship can also get in the way, even if you really care about the person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myheart0345

yea im going to just ignore him and not cal him. im tired of being the only one trying. He moved here a couple of months ago and ever since than hes been different. well once he realized he didnt make enough to pay for everything i tried helping him pay for some of his bills but all he kept saying was how much less of a man that makes him feel. He didnt want any help but had no choice. so ever since than hes been different and unhappy. he said he appreciates it but he can't do this anymore. so we broke up and than he got his other job.

Well it sounds like you know what you have to do then. Try to stick to it as best you can, trust me I know how hard it can be... but it does get easier and it is for the better.

Good Luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kati-Katt

I just dumped my boyfriend for the same issues. There was too much drama in a relationship for me, and I was falling behind on what I needed to fufil my career and I just didden't have the time. Having someone your that close to as in a relationship can also get in the way, even if you really care about the person.

Yea he also said that instead of looking for a secnd job he would come see me.. s he realized he can't do both right now. Do you guys talk still or are you guys completely out of each others lives?