So I was in my lawyers office and my ex was there because we had a meeting about custody. Anyway it has been little over a year with NC and I have not Broken in once. Well I spoke for about 23 seconds before she started to cry. Then we our lawyers grabbed us.




Quik backround, known each other forever, I was her first, her twin and I were besty friends when he passed we got together hada child, off and on, then she cheated on me with a 40yr old guy she is 26, they got married after 5 months. And she is moving my son out of country to be with her husband. They have had a long distance relationship for a year now and they have almost been married for a year with out living to gether. He treats her like garbage her friends say, and they say my ex knows she made a mistake but now is trying to save face.. Im kind of facing adversity... anyadvice?

I don't want her to move with my son. And I know with out a doubt there marriage isn't going to last long. My son is being put in a situation that she knows isn't any good but I think she is in a bad place. I know I should let her figure her own mess out but since my son is involved I feel the need to step in. What should I do.

So what was the outcome of the custody hearing?? Was it postponed??

I'm more interested in the custody of the child too... How is the litte tyke doing?

No, we are coming to a settlement by the 24 of oct. The judge told me she would be allowed to move because she married a guy who lives across the country. So I'm up in they air about moving there. Im not even 100% that she will actually go threw with the move because she has to wait in Canada until the USA send her proper pappers. On top of that he treats her terriable, and my son said this guy pushed her to the ground. I had a big tlk with my ex's mom and she is neieve. My exs friends tell me about this guy and the Effed up things he says to her.


Im certain she feels like she has to go threw with it because she has cause so much drama. When I saw her at the lawyers office this is what I said to her

I walked in she was sitting down,

Me: hello "her name"

Her: Hello "me"

How are you we both said good then I looked at her and said

OK so what do you want to do, and she said she would like to resolve this and that she didn't want to fight with me anymore. "Still NC for the whole time!" I looked at her and started to say I love my son, " this is when she started to cry" and she said I know then I said I don't want to loose my son and she said I know,

This is when I told her listen, if you feel trapped in any way shape or form and you don't want to move you don't have to.
Before she said anything I then said you know all of the things I've herd about this guy arnt good and I don't want our little boy in that environment, and all she could say was that I only hear what my friends tell me.. THis is when we got split up and I didn't get a chace to say, NO this is WHAT your friends tell me..


Her friends say she is scared to move because of how he treats her now,


My question to people is what should I do?
After a year of LDR they got married after 5 months of knowing each, and he is acting like this, when they move in together will things get worse?

Ive herd they will and they say if this guy is like this now he will become abusive while she is down there.

Sorry guy, your way out of line. You have a child together, but her life is her own business, so leave it alone, and get your rights as a father. The rest is you throwing crap in the game.

Sorry, That's not the best way to handle it. Throwing her life in her face on the say so of a "friend" is ridicules, and you should be in much better control, for your son.

If you really want to have an impact on her decision, swallow your pride, be very, very nice to her. Do not talk about the husband whatsoever, pretend he doesn't exist at all. If you talk about him, you will sound judgemental no matter how nice you try to be so avoid the subject of him at all cost. I realise the move revolves around him but just pretend she's considering moving because of her work instead and approach the situation that way.

Keep playing the "I love my son" card. (I know it's not a card, but you know what I mean).

Keep playing the "You don't have to move if you don't feel that that's what you really want" card.

Make it really easy for her to change her mind and if she doesn't, make it really easy for her to change her mind after she moves.

Maintain the beat possible relationship with your son. Call him all the time. Be the best possible bigger person you can be, keep giving the husband rope, eventually he will hang himself.

Also, write down everything. Write down what your son tells you, the date and time, everything. If you realise one day that he is not in a safe environment and you want to get him out, you will need those notes.

Good luck.

Oh I was completely fine. And I'm not only basing it on what her friends say. Remember this guy picked up a girl in a strip club who was 15 years younger, lives across the country, helped his new trophy wife steal my son away from me, my son tells me things, they were recently at our mutual friends wedding and her husband made a out of her, and was the tlk of the wedding. So tali when I know she knows it is a bad situation and Im trying to let her know I won't ridicule her for staying.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry guy, your way out of line. You have a child together, but her life is her own business, so leave it alone, and get your rights as a father. The rest is you throwing crap in the game.

Sorry, Thats not the best way to handle it. Throwing her life in her face on the say so of a "friend" is ridicules, and you should be in much better control, for your son.

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I don't know, if his son says he's witnessed the husband pushing his mom, that can't be good. That can't be good for a kid who's about to be moved to a different country and away from his dad especially. I think he does need to involve himself in her life if it's affecting his son. He did go NC for a year so he's obviously not trying to interfere in her life.

I was very calm when I talked to her, And my son said he pushed her to the ground. For me my son does not need to see that, or hear what this man says to his mother! She knows it is not the best environment, she knows what she is doing is wrong.

And still no one has answered my questions?


My question to people is what should I do?
After a year of LDR they got married after 5 months of knowing each, and he is acting like this, when they move in together will things get worse?

If your son is old enough to testify in court, you might be able to fight the move saying that the situation would be damaging to your sons well being and emotional stability.

At least that's what my fiancée was told about her 2 kids and her scum of an ex husband when she talked about being worried she would lose her kids to him.

I know my ex very well, and I just can't shake the feeling she is sending me cries for help..

Ps and I'm not crazy

Stay out of her business period, and focus on your son. I can only assume you have told your lawyers all of this, and you should know by now, you can't rescue a person who doesn't want your help.

You have a lot more to lose by butting in, but your son comes first. Your ex made her own bed.

Fair enough. But should I not help her, if she needs it. She is my sons mother. Im not talking about getting back with her, just wanting to keep my son with me by helping her get out of a bad situation..
But ill take your advice as I have done this whole time!

Tal is right, you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. The only thing you can do is make the situation comfortable enough for her to be able to come to you if she wants your help.