My mother’s boyfriend recently beat her up so bad she was hospitalized for days. She informed everyone she was over him, it was done. A few weeks after the “rock bottom” incident, she started seeing him again. Saying, he is getting help, he has changed etc.

My game plan was to never talk to her again, you know see if tough love would keep her away from him … but at the last minute I changed my mind … and decided to support her because I am afraid for her life.

Is there anything I can do to get her away from this man? Should I not be so supportive of her?

Get guy buddies and ambush the boyfriend.

Then beat the crap out of him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chile676

My mother’s boyfriend recently beat her up so bad she was hospitalized for days. She informed everyone she was over him, it was done. A few weeks after the “rock bottom” incident, she started seeing him again. Saying, he is getting help, he has changed ect.

My game plan was to never talk to her again, you know see if tough love would keep her away from him … but at the last minute I changed my mind … and decided to support her because I am afraid for her life.

Is there anything I can do to get her away from this man? Should I not be so supportive of her?

---

If you love your mother, you support her - to a degree. Has she tried talking to a professional, getting some help, trying to see why this man is so attractive to her? Have you offered to support her through a couple of sessions with someone, trying to figure out the problem?

Sometimes tough love is the best way to proceed - but if you decide you don't want to deal with this, will she have anyone?

Why isn't he in jail? It's not too late to try to put him there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hjpan

Get guy buddies and ambush the boyfriend.

Then beat the crap out of him.

---

Honey, you really need to work on your anger toward the world. I'm worried about you, hjpan, honest... you need a major change in life with a lot of help.

Please don't give advice like this to anyone anymore, it's not the way to advise and encourage someone to resolve a problem.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chile676

My mother’s boyfriend recently beat her up so bad she was hospitalized for days. She informed everyone she was over him, it was done. A few weeks after the “rock bottom” incident, she started seeing him again. Saying, he is getting help, he has changed ect.

My game plan was to never talk to her again, you know see if tough love would keep her away from him … but at the last minute I changed my mind … and decided to support her because I am afraid for her life.

Is there anything I can do to get her away from this man? Should I not be so supportive of her?

---

JudyKayTee is right dear, your mother needs some help,and first she needs to press charges against this man. You can suggest it, but you know that in the end it will be her choice to make. If she makes what you think is the wrong choice, the only option you might have is to tell her you don't want to stick around and watch her life go down the drain because you love her and it hurts you too much. And if he ever does this again YOU will call the police, that might wake her up, I hope.

Again, encourage her to get help to regain some self-respect and tell her she does not deserve a low-life who beats her - nobody does.

Wish you and your mom all the best, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chery

JudyKayTee is right dear, your mother needs some help,and first she needs to press charges against this man. You can suggest it, but you know that in the end it will be her choice to make. If she makes what you think is the wrong choice, the only option you might have is to tell her you don't want to stick around and watch her life go down the drain because you love her and it hurts you too much. And if he ever does this again YOU will call the police, that might wake her up, I hope.

Again, encourage her to get help to regain some self-respect and tell her she does not deserve a low-life who beats her - nobody does.

Wish you and your mom all the best, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

---

And I'll add - does she know she has a place to go if she throws him out, breaks up with him, whatever. And the "next time, I'll call the Police myself" line might be most helpful to her. She may be very conflicted but if someone ELSE calls, well, it's out of her hands.

Do you have an abused women's shelter in your town? If you can get her to go w you and talk to someone there who has been through it! My other suggestion is to talk to a counselor at your school, or someone you trust, an aunt, or someone from church, and even if she won't accept help right now, maybe you can get some support for yourself until she can see that he is most likely to repeat this ,again. You have to take care of yourself FIRST, so you will be able to help her when she sees what is the right thing to do. Talking to a women's shelter counselor might be the BEST! Like I said,They have "been there!" and so have their kids! Unfortunately!
Be safe and keep us up to date,please. You and your Mother are in my prayers.

Sadly many women will continue to return and return to the men that abuse them, often they are convinced it is their fault.

I have seen them leave the hospital without permission to go bail the man out. I have seen them refuse to testify.

Luckly now the DA can still press charges without the women.

But there is no way to stop her unless she will agree, so giving her a place to stay, offering to drive her to support groups and so on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hjpan

Get guy buddies and ambush the boyfriend.

Then beat the crap out of him.

---

Yeah speaking from first hand experience they might work but will end up getting you in trouble. We put my ex-steph dad in a comma for a day. You know what really scares these punks? Being thrown in real jail and possibly a good kicking but leave that to the folks in your local country jail. Press charges and they arnt so tough when they face jail time. Get help get a support system, what finally pushed my mother to end this cycle is I flat out told her if she takes him back again I won't be around and if something should happen again it will be the last time it does.

Sorry for your situation, as I can imagine how helpless you feel.

Your mom may not want to press charges, and maybe he is trying to change.

At the first sign of trouble, call the cops yourself, and tell them what you saw.

Make sure your mom understands how you feel, and what you will do about it.

How old are you? Your mom is lucky to have you around to look out for her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry for your situation, as I can imagine how helpless you feel.

Your mom may not want to press charges, and maybe he is trying to change.

At the first sign of trouble, call the cops yourself, and tell them what you saw.

Make sure your mom understands how you feel, and what you will do about it.

How old are you? Your mom is lucky to have you around to look out for her.

---

Therre is a thread on a legal board - the woman has gone back five times and her cousin has stood by, supportive and loving - and the woman went yesterday and got a protective order. Took her a long time but she had the strength to walk away.

I guess you hang in there as long as you can.