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-   -   I just don't know what to do (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=266762)

  • Oct 6, 2008, 12:41 PM
    LOG-CHELLE
    I just don't know what to do
    I want to make this a long story short but its almost too hard to do that.I have been dating my boyfriend for quite sometime and we are living together and just trying to get our lives started together,but we have had a set back,I have a daughter with another man and that's not the problem, the problem is that he has a daughter with another woman who is just crazy.My boyfriend asked for his daughter back in July and she told him no and made him upset,then out of no where she put a no contact order on him,which only allowed him to see his daughter once a week for 4 hours,and we live an hour away from there so sometimes its hard to get there and back money wise.We are going to be moving closer so that shouldn't be the problem anymore,but lately he has been questioning whether he is the father of her or not.His mom even questioned it awhile back. I know that it is sounding like some Maury episode but I just don't know what to tell him anymoreHe signed the paternity papers when she was born and he just got served with child support papers,he doesn't feel that he should pay child support if he's not the father,he has also been thinking about just signing his rights over and starting over with me,I told him that iwill support him in anything that he chooses to do but its just hard for me to be the only person that he comes too.iguess I just need some advice from the outside,thanks
  • Oct 6, 2008, 01:30 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LOG-CHELLE View Post
    I want to make this a long story short but its almost too hard to do that.I have been dating my boyfriend for quite sometime and we are living together and just trying to get our lives started together,but we have had a set back,I have a daughter with another man and thats not the problem, the problem is that he has a daughter with another woman who is just crazy.My boyfriend asked for his daughter back in july and she told him no and made him upset,then out of no where she put a no contact order on him,which only allowed him to see his daughter once a week for 4 hours,and we live an hour away from there so sometimes its hard to get there and back money wise.We are going to be moving closer so that shouldnt be the problem anymore,but lately he has been questioning whether he is the father of her or not.His mom even questioned it awhile back. I know that it is sounding like some Maury episode but I just dont know what to tell him anymoreHe signed the paternity papers when she was born and he just got served with child support papers,he doesnt feel that he should pay child support if hes not the father,he has also been thinking about just signing his rights over and starting over with me,I told him that iwill support him in anything that he chooses to do but its just hard for me to be the only person that he comes too.iguess i jsut need some advice from the outside,thanks

    How old is the child?

    At the child support hearing he requests DNA testing - the Court will order it and then you'll know where you stand. He MUST appear, of course. Sometimes it's easy to just think, "Oh, well," and do nothing but if he doesn't believe he's the father, then he has all the more reason to appear.
  • Oct 6, 2008, 01:47 PM
    liz28

    Chelle, did this craziness start when your starting living together? I don't think his ex is crazy but she is doing something that females shouldn't do and that using the child against his and hurting in the worst way and the only person that suffers is the child.

    Your boyfriend should go to court and if possible get a lawyer. If he can't afford one then he can request one from the court. He can't just terminated his rights because if he could then many guys would be doing this. How old is the child?
  • Oct 6, 2008, 02:11 PM
    LOG-CHELLE
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    How old is the child?

    At the child support hearing he requests DNA testing - the Court will order it and then you'll know where you stand. He MUST appear, of course. Sometimes it's easy to just think, "Oh, well," and do nothing but if he doesn't believe he's the father, then he has all the more reason to appear.
    She will be 1 the end of November, thanks for your advice
  • Oct 6, 2008, 02:49 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LOG-CHELLE View Post
    She will be 1 the end of november, thanks for your advice


    Sometimes people post and the child is 7 (or something) and that's the end of that - no, you're fine.

    The DNA testing will be the proof and you can decide what you want to do - if he is the father, visitation, no visitation, joint custody. If not - well, then not.

    These things are so difficult when you're basically a bystander, yet involved - as you are - so you just have to be strong (which you apparently are), help him through this, keep walking and using your head.

    Good luck - and let us know if there are any twists and turns.

    When is the Court date?
  • Oct 6, 2008, 03:44 PM
    LOG-CHELLE
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Sometimes people post and the child is 7 (or something) and that's the end of that - no, you're fine.

    The DNA testing will be the proof and you can decide what you want to do - if he is the father, visitation, no visitation, joint custody. If not - well, then not.

    These things are so difficult when you're basically a bystander, yet involved - as you are - so you just have to be strong (which you apparently are), help him through this, keep walking and using your head.

    Good luck - and let us know if there are any twists and turns.

    When is the Court date?

    That's the thing... we don't have a court date yet, his attorney told him to wait and save some money to get it taken care of, we are in the midst of moving and we are trying to save money and get it taken care of the cheapest way... but then its like what do we deal with first and I guess that's why I need the advice I need... and I do appreciate it..
    Thanks
    -Logan
  • Oct 6, 2008, 03:48 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LOG-CHELLE View Post
    Thats the thing...we dont have a court date yet, his attorney told him to wait and save some money to get it taken care of, we are in the midst of moving and we are trying to save money and get it taken care of the cheapest way...but then its like what do we deal with first and I guess thats why i need the advice I need...and I do appreciate it..
    Thanks
    -Logan


    I don't see a problem - depending on where you live - going in and filing for a determination of paternity without an Attorney. Some Courts are extremely user friendly. After a certain age in some States you will have a terrible time proving he is not the father - if he is not.
  • Oct 6, 2008, 05:22 PM
    LOG-CHELLE
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I don't see a problem - depending on where you live - going in and filing for a determination of paternity without an Attorney. Some Courts are extremely user friendly. After a certain age in some States you will have a terrible time proving he is not the father - if he is not.

    Thanks for all your help... I feel like there are different options available and that makes me very appreciative!

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