My girlfriend got a call from one of her gf's crying about how she hates men and life sucks and on about how her life is a waste. So, my girlfriend feels sorry for her. So, she asked me if its OK to invite her out with us during our weekend together. Her girlfriend is the same one I have talked about who wanted my girlfriend to break up with me. I don't get along with her. But, my girlfriend wants her girlfriend and me to make up. I told her I don't have a problem with that. But, geez her girlfriend does this poor me crap to some how get my girlfriend to ask her to come along. I really don't care to make up and as far as I'm concerned I don't want her to come along.
How do I tell my girlfriend how I feel without making her upset?

How about suggesting your girlfriend and her girlfriend go out alone, some other weekend?

Explain that you want that weekend to be just u 2 as planned originally.

1. Agree to disagree on whether this "poor me" friend is worth having as a friend. This skill will come in handy other places too, believe me!

2. Then stipulate that she is only your girlfriend's friend and therefore you are out of the loop. You may have to gently remind your girlfriend of this now and then. Also you definitely need to refrain from commenting about her from here on - easy since there are soooooo many other things to talk about!

3. Your girlfriend is then free to make plans with her friend just as she does any other thing that is independent of you. And ditto for you too on independent plans. Just be mutually mindful of wanting to spend quality time together. If you aren't sure what quality time is, review #2!

4. And hopefully you end up confident that if your relationship with your girlfriend is going to continue to work, it won't be on the basis of the "poor me" friend interfering or not since a person can't really interfere where there is solid ground. And you've just built some really basic solid ground with #1-3.

Hope that helps!

I don't think you should go. Let it be a girls night out - that other gal probably needs it.

Tell your gal, in a tactful way, how you feel about this.

Girls love the drama of another friend being upset. They love to think they can be there for their friend and help them over come their problems. Its how females are and how males are. They look after their own.
Just let her go with her friend. I even think it might make your girlfriend look on you in an even better light. She may see that you weren't selfish enough to stand in the way of her helping a friend in need.
Organise a few beers or whatever you do with some of your mates instead.
Sounds like a good idea doesn't it!

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I don't think you should go. Let it be a girls night out - that other gal probably needs it.

Tell your gal, in a tactful way, how you feel about this.

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No, I don't think that's fare on him. Why should he change plans just for his gf's girlfriend, while this is the gal who tried to break them up because she doesn't like him.
I think enjoy your wkend planned with your girlfriend.. as planned originally, boyfriend should come first not her girlfriend, then she can plan a whole other wkend and dedicate it to her friend.

Hi, blue,
There are times when one has to decide about "friends", whether to keep them or not. You already don't like this person, so why put yourself through a lot of misery!
Tell your girlfriend, as another answer said, how you feel; and don't go with them. Also, if you and your girlfriend have some great plans this weekend, ask your girlfriend to postpone seeing her "friend" until later. That "friend" should NOT be going out with you both.
Life is too short to be around people you really don't like. Explain this to your girlfriend, and tell her it's "your" friend, not mine. Best of luck.

Man... how much you want to bet that this girl knew about your weekend before all the drama happened? Go make sure you and your girlfriend have a great time, spare no expense so to speak. Give the girl enough rope to hang herself... sit back and wait don't say anything bad about the girl, make your feelings known about how you feel but then pretend you're a duck and what she does is water and let it slide right off you. Don't let her know she's getting to you. Don't give her the satisfaction of ruining the good time you had planned with your girlfriend. It sounds to me like she has some jealousy issues.

Thanks to all for the replies here. I will talk to my girlfriend and let her know how I feel. Thanks again...

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

1. Agree to disagree on whether this "poor me" friend is worth having as a friend. This skill will come in handy other places too, believe me!

2. Then stipulate that she is only your girlfriend's friend and therefore you are out of the loop. You may have to gently remind your girlfriend of this now and then. Also you definately need to refrain from commenting about her from here on - easy since there are soooooo many other things to talk about!

3. Your girlfriend is then free to make plans with her friend just as she does any other thing that is independent of you. And ditto for you too on independent plans. Just be mutually mindful of wanting to spend quality time together. If you aren't sure what quality time is, review #2!

4. And hopefully you end up confident that if your relationship with your girlfriend is going to continue to work, it won't be on the basis of the "poor me" friend interfering or not since a person can't really interfere where there is solid ground. And you've just built some really basic solid ground with #1-3.

Hope that helps!

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The only thing I can add to this, if it's not too late and the weekend has already started, is find a guy to go along if your choice was to go with them. I sure hope that your weekend winds up great, in spite of the issue.



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Don't worry about making her upset. A dose of blunt "tough love' is in order here. Fixing her gf's problem's is not your responsibility and it's not your gf's either. Tell your girlfriend exactly how you feel, in no uncertain terms. Let her know that you have no intention of playing rescuer and you don't want your girlfriend doing it either, at least not on your time. If your girlfriend has a problem with that then unfortunately it may be time for you to find another girlfriend.

Everything worked fine. I explained to my girlfriend we have plans together. And I don't want her girlfriend to interfere with our plans. So, find another time to get together with you girlfriend. She said, OK if you feel that way I will not invite my girlfriend. Done deal. Thanks again.

Good for you - you showed a spine.

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Originally Posted by blueiman

everything worked fine. i explained to my gf we have plans together. and i dont want her gf to interfere with our plans. so, find another time to get together with you gf. she said, ok if you feel that way i will not invite my gf. done deal. thanks again.

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GREAT.
You see it all worked out fine for you ;)