I have to admit I just don't know what to do in regards to dating. Every time I see someone I would like to ask out / make a move on I find I talk myself out of it every time or I just get a sinking feeling like chuck liddell had when he lost that split decision against keith jardine (if you say his body language and expression you would know what I mean here).

I know I am not the best person out there, I am a little overweight and I am a geek but I have a great sense of humour, intelligent and most importantly good with money (ie don't recklessly spend, only spend what I have so not to accumulate massive debt etc). I am trying to rectify the weight situation as I know that puts me behind the 8ball every single time and being a geek (I like games, sci-fi stuff etc) is not the best but its not like I hide anything or have anything to hide and I like lots of other stuff too like hiking, sports etc.

I have been extremely shy my whole life so I do prefer hanging around in smaller groups and I am a non drinker due to family issues with alcohol so I am not really into the club / bar scene. But this is one aspect of my life where I want to have something going on, I see everyone else so happy with their wives / gfs / fiancés etc and I have nothing.

My co-workers generally tell me that I am one of the nicest people they have ever met and generally keep in touch via email / Facebook / phone etc but I just can't seem to get over that initial 'hump'

any suggestions?

Hi, Tyler-Durden!

Oh, I do know where you are coming from! I didn't ask a girl out until my senior year of high school! Even then, it wasn't that hard because I had played in band with her and knew her quite well because of having interacted with her in other ways on a regular basis.

It takes practice.

You're going to have failures when asking someone out. That's a given. But, you just have to keep trying. I think the biggest hurdle to get over is the fear of failure.

There is someone out there for you. If you're involved in any groups with like minded people of both sexes, that can help to ease things when asking someone out.

Really, asking someone out doesn't even have to be about a date. It could be, "Hey, would you like to get something to eat?" Or, "I know this great (such and such) that we both might be interested in! Would you like to go with me to that?"

You could even get together a group type activity where a number of people are involved so that it wouldn't be so much of a one-on-one thing for anyone, but just a chance for everyone to get to know the other people in the group better. The one-on-one things could evolve from that.

I think that you've got a good "handle" about the kind of person that you are! There are many others like you out there! You will be successful, but you do need to just jump in and practice!

Just some thoughts for you...

Hopefully, others will also be along to address your question!

Thanks man.

Your right it takes practice but just the first one is really tough.

Its not that I am completely unhappy with anything, everything else is going fine - currently working, looking to go back to school next sept, rest of my family is healthy and my brother & wife just had their first kid - so that's going well but its just killer not being able to experience that stuff.

Thanks for answering man, appreicated.

Hi again, Tyler-Durden!

Thank you and you're welcome!

Are you a member of any groups where people get together outside of electronic communication of any kind?

Thanks!

Okay, I can see that you're no longer logged onto the site. I was surprised that no one else came along to respond to your post.

Hopefully, others will still come along to do that. We have a lot of great people on this site!

I also hope that you and I are on here again at the same time so that we can dialogue some and come up with some strategies for you to overcome the problems that you are having.

Later...

Hello
I agree with Clough - the biggest road block here is yourself and yourself picture
There is somebody out there for everybody - just scope out the land looking for ladies that you feel have common interests - Clubs and social groups are a great place .
I found when first approaching a gal - you done the history - be short a sweet - Say Hello I have noticed you as being a good person could you help me with --- talking to pretty gals -- you could get a smile or a giggle than you say -- I get lost in their smiling eyes and the cute little sounds
Practice be yourself make it fun

To quote a show called Keys to the VIP *a show all about picking up girls* "Babe Ruth in his time, lead the league in home runs, but what many people do forget is that he also lead the league in strike outs. Everyones going to strikeout but everyone always remembers the Home Runs, so swing for the fences!"

There are a couple ways to approach this whole thing.
A) Know where you stand and what kind of girl you want.
B) Show the confidence. You say you're a witty guy, show it, kind of make jabs at yourself while, keeping the focus on her... i.e. "Man that song Online right now sure sums me up about now, but I couldn't help myself, I just was drawn to you." Have a manner of approach that gets a conversation rolling before anything else, keep it loose and make sure its not about anything specific. Keep it fun and random.
C) My approach before anything is, don't ask her for her cell phone number or anything like that, get her Facebook. People now-a-days spend more bloody time on this stupid application than anything else. It also gives you a shield, you can be yourself, without having to witness her reaction, it kind of softens the blow should she say no, but it also gives you a great line of communication and makes it easy to set up dates, or even get her number there afterwards.

Hope this helps bud. Good luck.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, Tyler-Durden!

Oh, I do know where you are coming from! I didn't ask a girl out until my senior year of high school! Even then, it wasn't that hard because I had played in band with her and knew her quite well because of having interacted with her in other ways on a regular basis.

It takes practice.

You're going to have failures when asking someone out. That's a given. But, you just have to keep trying. I think the biggest hurdle to get over is the fear of failure.

There is someone out there for you. If you're involved in any groups with like minded people of both sexes, that can help to ease things when asking someone out.

Really, asking someone out doesn't even have to be about a date. It could be, "Hey, would you like to get something to eat?" Or, "I know this great (such and such) that we both might be interested in! Would you like to go with me to that?"

You could even get together a group type activity where a number of people are involved so that it wouldn't be so much of a one-on-one thing for anyone, but just a chance for everyone to get to know the other people in the group better. The one-on-one things could evolve from that.

I think that you've got a good "handle" about the kind of person that you are! There are many others like you out there! You will be successful, but you do need to just jump in and practice!

Just some thoughts for you...

Hopefully, others will also be along to address your question!

---

Its been awhile, I have been a bit busy with work and such but I have checked out all replies, again thanks all it does help reading this and trying to come up with an action plan to start to make the first move.

At the gym I joined a dance / aerobics class and there's a mix of men / women in it. I am kind of on edge about leaving it though as the people in it are way more advanced and even though I find the instructor attractive I notice there's 2 rights on the ring finger. I've searched out on the internet and read that sometimes women wear rings to avoid people hitting on them so I think I am going to avoid going there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Revival

To quote a show called Keys to the VIP *a show all about picking up girls* "Babe Ruth in his time, lead the league in home runs, but what many people do forget is that he also lead the league in strike outs. Everyones going to strikeout but everyone always remembers the Home Runs, so swing for the fences!"

There are a couple ways to approach this whole thing.
A) Know where you stand and what kind of girl you want.
B) Show the confidence. You say you're a witty guy, show it, kinda make jabs at yourself while, keeping the focus on her ... i.e. "Man that song Online right now sure sums me up about now, but I couldn't help myself, I just was drawn to you." Have a manner of approach that gets a conversation rolling before anything else, keep it loose and make sure its not about anything specific. Keep it fun and random.
C) My approach before anything is, don't ask her for her cell phone number or anything like that, get her facebook. People now-a-days spend more bloody time on this stupid application than anything else. It also gives you a shield, you can be yourself, without having to witness her reaction, it kind of softens the blow should she say no, but it also gives you a great line of communication and makes it easy to set up dates, or even get her number there afterwards.

Hope this helps bud. Good luck.

---

Thanks man, its funny 2 people I follow have been mentioned in this topic already (Chuck Liddell and now Babe Ruth <mainly from MLB2005 from EA sports>)