Ask Me Help Desk - At my wit's end

At my wit's end

I need advice on how to handle a situation that has been brewing for a while now.
I've had an OK relationship with my dad- he's always been there for his children but he worked and mom stayed home and he's never been much of a "hands-on" father. Anyhow, a few years after mom passed away, dad dated and "settled" with his current girlfriend (been together 8 years now) She's not the most friendly person and we've tried to include her in family functions(she doesn't come;sometimes neither does dad) but they traveled and did a lot with HER family. I feel like she took him away from us. We've told dad how we felt about her- but he chose to have a relationship with her because he didn't want to be alone. Recently, dad found out he has terminal cancer. NOW we're the bad guys (according to girlfriend) because we don't come to see him much and he's running out of time. Since they'e been together, her adult children have moved in and out with them several times, and who knows what else. Meanwhile, he has very little contact with his own grandchildren(that really hurts the most) I don't feel welcome in their home(feel rushed) and we never have any alone time with him (she's always there!) I want to confront her in front of him, but I don't think that would do any good for anybody. I want his his time left to be good times-what his wishes are (not hers).How do we deal with her? Please, I need advice on what to do before I go crazy! Thanks.

Sorry for your fathers poor health.

I think you stop dealing with your step mom, as an adversary, and start dealing with your dad.

Its not about how anyone feels about her, but spending QUALITY time with him. As long as you cause no conflict, and let him know how much you care for him despite his choices, you can have a quality time now.

Take your kids to visit, and know him, without fanfare, or drama. That's not the focus, just being there is, without disrupting everyone's peace.

Now is not the time to argue, and point blame for whatever, but to bond.

As you already know life is just to short to waste.

I agree with Tal. The important thing is your father and making the most out of your time with him. Instead of calling her out on her behavior what if you talked to your dad and just said simply "If the girlfriend ever needs to run errands the kids and I would love to come over and stay with you." That way you make your intentions known without hurting anyone.

Following the trend, make the most of the time you have left and enjoy it! It will pass far to quick and it's a shame its turning to this. Bite your lip for his sake and just be there for him

She is his live-in girlfriend- they're not married. I know I shouldn't let her get to me, but she's always making comments on how we're only after his money, and that we can't wait until he's gone to get it! THERE WILL BE NO MONEY! The ONLY thing we're concerned about is keeping him as comfortable as possible, carrying out HIS final wishes, tell him he means world to us and we love him and are going to miss him. I will take the high road for his sake. Thank you for all the advice.

talaniman agrees: Hi stranger where have you been? Great response.

Thanks Tal-
I have been busy... summer and all that... now its getting cold and I am inside more. Great to "see" you again. Hope all is well!

Quote:

Hope all is well!

Got a dog, and we're both trying to get the hang of being house broken!