heyy everyone,

I just got out of a two year relationship last month. It was a downhill relationship after the first year and a half I knew he had changed his mind on wanting to be with me and get married. We had marriage plans, I was very close to his family and spent every day for the past 2 years with him. I made a guy friend right after the break (my ex wanted a break, and then after 2 weeks of me waiting for him, crying every night, he ended it). I like this guy, but I still am not ready for anything serious. This guy is an awesome guy, and he treats me good (unlike my scumbag ex). Anyhow, my old relationship was an emotional abuse relationship and I'm still a little hurt. I keep comparing this new guy to him and I feel like I will never love anyone like I loved him. Even though my ex wasn't good to me. I went on a date with the new guy tonight, and we had so much fun. I want to just date him, hang out and see where it goes. The new guy is aware of this, he lets me cry to him if I need to and is there for me through it all. I know he likes me, but he knows that I want to date and see where it goes. Is this OK? So soon? I mean its been a month, but it had been a downhill relationship for like a year. I know my ex has moved on- partying and plans to sleep with random girls now that he's single. Anyhow, is this OK to date and have fun, or should I be home mourning the loss? I feel OK when I go out, better than when I am home, and I enjoy getting out. Thanks so much!

Hi
Anything new is always fun. Just remember how were the first few days with your ex. Were they any different that what you experience with the new guy?

Every man pampers the dating woman and you feel nice. If your relationship continued for two good years, what went wrong ? Did you sit and analyse?

Did both of you sit together and listened to each other patiently to each version? I am sure you would not have.
If you do that, you know what is to be avoided at least in your new relationship.

I am not telling you to go back to the ex. Who is sleeping with random girls. You know why he is doing that? May be sheer frustration and anger. Not for fun.

Sit alone and think peacefully in a full moon day sitting on your terrace. And you may get the answer you want.

I would recommend you just let nature take its course.
Go on dates with him have fun and see what happens.
You don't have to jump into a relationship with anybody you don't want to.
If this new guy is a s wonderful as you make him sound he will understand you feelings.
Everybody needs friends and sometimes the friendship turns into more just wait and see.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tirednhurt86

heyy everyone,

I just got out of a two year relationship last month. It was a downhill relationship after the first year and a half I knew he had changed his mind on wanting to be with me and get married. we had marriage plans, i was very close to his family and spent every day for the past 2 years with him. I made a guy friend right after the break (my ex wanted a break, and then after 2 weeks of me waiting for him, crying every night, he ended it). I like this guy, but i still am not ready for anything serious. this guy is an awesome guy, and he treats me good (unlike my scumbag ex). anyhow, my old relationship was an emotional abuse relationship and im still a little hurt. I keep comparing this new guy to him and I feel like i will never love anyone like i loved him. even tho my ex wasnt good to me. I went on a date with the new guy tonight, and we had so much fun. I want to just date him, hang out and see where it goes. the new guy is aware of this, he lets me cry to him if i need to and is there for me thru it all. i know he likes me, but he knows that i want to date and see where it goes. is this ok? so soon? i mean its been a month, but it had been a downhill relationship for like a year. i know my ex has moved on- partying and plans to sleep with random girls now that hes single. anyhow, is this ok to date and have fun, or should i be home mourning the loss? i feel ok when i go out, better than when i am home, and i enjoy getting out. thanks so much!

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Hey tirednhurt 86,

Im sorry to hear how hurt you got and what an emitionl joy ride your ex scumbag has sent you on.

All I say as abit of advice is NEVER compare anyone. Esp when its an ex and your current date, please do NOT do that.
I mean after all from what you say your ex wasn't nice to you so whey compare him to a guy who has been very kind, patient and caring for you.

Also take things slow, you don't want to rush into another relationship and have the possibility of getting hurt again.
Date this guy, yes, but sort of maybe once or twice a week go out with him for the time being, don't rush. And NO you shouldn't stay at home crying over your loss, because at the end of the day YOU didn't lose anything, he is the a**hole, who lost you.
So you can count this as a blessing - you got rid of a scumbag and now you met a gentleman..

Hi, Tired,
Get out; be with others. It really helps getting over someone. Took me a year to get over someone I had known and loved for 6 yrs, then she found someone else! I was 22 at the time.
Dating is what it's all about. Meeting new people, and smiling. A Smile shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.
I know it hurts when someone moves on without you, but we accept it, and eventually, are able to move on ourselves. Date more than one person, and don't expect to find someone right off. Best of luck.

I was in a relationship the very same as yours a couple of years ago. Took me a year to get over my ex and longer to get over the emotional battering he put me through.

I found a guy who became a great friend and we dated for a while - but I could not bring myself to take it further and get serious. We decided to be friends after a few months and there were many guys on the scene after that. Once I realised the way I felt about him - it was too late - he was with someone else; but it was obviously not meant to be.

It was only September last yearthat I started dating my next door neighbour and here we are 8months later very happy, very in love. I finally found a winner!

Its not too soon for you to date, but you have to remember you need to give yourself time to get ovr your ex, time to heal regain your confidence.

Just enjoy yourself! This guy sounds very understanding- and even if you don't go anywhere, you would have at least gained a friend.

Keep your chin up and take each day as it comes. My thoughts are with you ;)

Have as much fun as you can but there is no hurry to commit to anything you are not ready for .A real man understands so do your thing and enjoy yourself:cool: :)

Date, perhaps date two or three people and learn to be happy and that life does not evolve around this other person.

Dating is one thing but getting into another exclusive relationship is another matter all together (not that you are doing that, I know).

In order to prevent dragging a whole lot of baggage from the last relationship into the next one, it was suggested to me to have at least a year between relationships. Time to heal, time to understand what happened, time to let myself grow a little.

Dating was okay, but jumping in the deep end over and over wasn't.

It was the best advice I ever took. It slowed me down and in taking things a lot slower, I was better able to date more effectively - passing up this one who I could see wouldn't work out and focusing more with that one since we had so much more in common but still not being so fast to get serious.

Up until then, I hadn't really dated but rather had a continuous string of "overly serious and way too soon" failures. Big difference and one I hope you know about.

If its really dating you are talking about, I'd say DATE and have fun!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Every comment really helped me to think things over. I think I will date him and see what happens. Take it day by day. Thanks again!

YOU ARE WELCOME :)
Keep us posted dear
Good luck xx