Ask Me Help Desk - Will she turn up?

Hi, first time I'm writing in this forum. Its helped me a lot with some other questions I've had, but now I have this worry. Here goes...

I proposed to my girlfriend that I've been with for almost 2 year. We are happy together, but she has a problem with my sisters who aren't really the nicest girls in the world, especially to her, and there is no real reason why. This is just the way they are, but its makes my girl uncomfortable to be around my family and stuff.

To add to the problem, after we got engaged, my girl realized she didn't have many people to tell, because she doesn't have many people in her life other than her family and one person she works with, who she doesn't like at all. She used to have a few friends, but she lost contact with them when she lost her job, and she realized another really good friend of hers wasn't really a good friend at all, so she stopped being friends with that person too, so she now feels really bad because she has no friends and is not looking forward to the wedding day or anything at all.

I know the simple answer would be that she goes out and makes friends and stuff, and not let things bring her down, but she finds it very hard to make friends and that's why she only had a few to begin with. I tried introducing her to my friends, but she wants friends of her own, and I can understand that... she doesn't want to feel that she is just living in my shadow or something, so I don't know what to do to help her. Plus, she still has some mild depression, so that doesn't help.

Sorry for saying all this, and I know it's a lot to read, but there aren't many people I can really talk to about this, so I was thinking someone on here might be able to point me in the right direction, or give me some advice. That would help a lot, and then I'd have more questions to ask. Thanks in advanced :)

Does she have any hobbies? She could meet people that way.

First of all, I would have a talk with YOUR family. Tell them that this is going to be your wife, and if they don't like her, or are going to be judgemental or mean, then you are standing firm and will respect your wife and stand by her. This doesn't mean you have to give them an ultimatum, but just let it be known that you have enough respect for the woman you are going to marry, and this is your stand on the matter. I would also include your fiancé in this talk.

Encourage her to meet people in your family that you know will treat her well. Don't push her to be friends with your friends, but make her feel comfortable around them. Let her know you will be there if she needs her safe place to fall if she starts to feel uncomfortable.

She does need to find new friends of her own too, and I don't know what she does for a living, but... just off the top of my head... let's say she likes animals or something like that. Encourage her to volunteer a couple hrs a week or something at a shelter.

Or if she likes sports, or going to the gym... or whatever, encourage her to do things she likes. She just might meet some good friends at one of these places, that have the same interests as she does.

Good Luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by starbuck8

First of all, I would have a talk with YOUR family. Tell them that this is going to be your wife, and if they don't like her, or are going to be judgemental or mean, then you are standing firm and will respect your wife and stand by her. This doesn't mean you have to give them an ultimatum, but just let it be known that you have enough respect for the woman you are going to marry, and this is your stand on the matter. I would also include your fiance in this talk.

Encourage her to meet people in your family that you know will treat her well. Don't push her to be friends with your friends, but make her feel comfortable around them. Let her know you will be there if she needs her safe place to fall if she starts to feel uncomfortable.

She does need to find new friends of her own too, and I don't know what she does for a living, but...just off the top of my head...let's say she likes animals or something like that. Encourage her to volunteer a couple hrs a week or something at a shelter.

Or if she likes sports, or going to the gym...or whatever, encourage her to do things she likes. She just might meet some good friends at one of these places, that have the same interests as she does.

Good Luck!

Thanks a lot for that... yeah I will have a chat to my family. I already did, but my sisters are quite hard to get through to, so I will do so again. I don't think she will want to be included in the discussion, as she wouldn't really want me to tell my sisters to treat her better, because then she feels like she is a trouble maker or something. Also, now she says she doesn't care about my sisters at all, which I don't think is good either, so will see how it goes when I talk to my sisters.

I do support her and protect her when she is around my friends, but one thing about her is she doesn't mix with people well. If she doesn't like them, or can't talk to them, or can't relate to them, she just won't go. That's it. She is not one to have lots of friends. She just has a few close ones, but lost contact with them. Even with them, she met them through work, she worked in a pharmacy, but now she is working in a health food store, and she works there alone during the day, so no workmates for her. Kind of sad.

As far as hobbies go, she likes dancing, which is good, but then again, she doesn't want to meet people from there because they probably wouldn't have things in common and she wouldn't want friends like that. She is also into health and is studying at the moment, but she does it through correspondence, so no actually classes with other students there. She does feel very isolated and I understand this, but her personality does not allow her to go out and mingle with people or just find friends anywhere else easily.

Well thanks for the ideas. I'm thinking I'll try taking her to church with me more often, or we could go for a dance class or something, a place where she'd feel comfortable and where there will be other people around. If there is anything else anyone can add, that'd be great. Thanks :)