Ask Me Help Desk - Can't get over my ex

Ok so to begin a going to give you some background I meant my ex about 2 years ago, we were kind of set up because my best friend was dating his best friend you know the deal. I was kind of not interested at first but soon I started to warm up to him and slowly started to fall for him. It should be said that he was my first real relationship and I gave him my virginity. Now also I must add that his job was an hour and half away and he hated it, he had no one where he worked and was very lonely up there and therefore would come home on the weekends and stay at his parents house, he is only 22 and I 19. So therefore we were apart for 5 days of the week, making a relationship somewhat of a long distance one. Which we all know is hard to maintain. But we mange although we did fight and I will admit it was often my fault I just missed him so much sometimes that I would mad and upset :(. I know he was crazy about me so I guess I thought I did not have to worry. Wrong thinking there, we dated for about over a year and in feb of this year he asked a dearded question. Are you in love with me ? Without much thought I said yes and then asked him the very same question to which he said "I don't know" I heard my heart break and it was over like that . However we tired to work things out right after but I was too emotional. Since then we been kind of on and off. In May this year he told me he wanted to work things out take them slow of course I said yes because I am fool in love. It was great for awhile but he refused to call me his girlfriend which caused some fights, however I waited it out giving him time because I truly believed he would come around. But for some reason I reached my limits in the end of July and said no more. He was crushed and telling people he made a mistake and that his girlfriend broke up with him, yes I became his girlfriend only after I broke his heart. Now I was depressed too I kind of wish I could take that day back. Since then again we have gone back and forth. Now I should say my ex has been going through a lot of personal things he has been depressed he hates his job and deiced to go back to school part-time which is really stressful recently he was put on meds to help his problems. We both say we will be together one day and both have hope, we both think about each other all the time and miss each other. However I am talking to other guys and I am still stuck on him . Now I am know he will not come to me anytime soon and say he wants to be with me, right now he needs time to himself, however I think it could very much happen in the future. I know what everyone is going to say move on, forgot about him and I understand but he is in my soul and heart there is something there I can't avoid, please tell me what you think

I think you both need the time, and space, to get your priorities, and goals in life together, and should be enjoying the activities of people your own age.

Your much to young, and inexperienced, to just sit, and wait for the future, when your future is now.

By working on yourself, and exploring your own worlds, will you ever know and learn about yourself, and your feelings.

When you find out about yourself, and learn to love yourself, you will have something in which to compare how you feel about others.

I think your holding on now, because you are afraid to let go. Let Go!

Put your affairs in order, and go get your man. Move to his area fast, time waits for no one. Take a chance in this life to see what is what. Fear is not yours, only love. You seem like a good woman that a man would like to have for life. Some times men needs a push in life, to get us moving. Be strong in your heart no matter what happens you tried for love.

Believe me I thought about it but I still in college and I thought about transferring to a college that is right near him but don't think the parents will approve

Honestly step back and breathe for a while. I am 19 and believe me enjoy beign 19. I left school because of a bloke and that didn't work now I can't go back. I left my dream job for the guy I am with now, but I have a house, horrid job and I wish I could do what I want.

Be free and single.

So what the parents do not approve do you, and make a plan.

Do not waste time start making a powerful plan that will bring you together at all cost. Don't spend time worrying, spend time planning that's what women do better then men. Work it out on paper and take small steps each month and do you. And when your together as one remember there more planning to do.

If it were me, I would be more pragmatic. So many problems arise from the relationship in your head not matching the one in reality, and you keep making decisions as if the one in your head were real. You don't have to do that.

Yes, you two care about each other. But you've dated "on and off" long enough to get past the iffiness. By now you know, beyond the feelings of attraction, you know you're not that well suited. Don't you?

I mean, I know you're only 19, but even by now one would think you are experienced enough to know the benefit of being in a relationship with someone who actually craves after you. You know?

I wouldn't be so willing to settle for a guy just because you love him when he CLEARLY doesn't have that kind of attraction to you. Yes, you love each other... but is that enough? You sound like you would be starting a marriage in lukewarm water.

Ugh.

Your right thank I never thought it before sometimes I feel like I am crazy because in my head I still feel like I am with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole0789

your right thank i never thought it before sometimes i feel like i am crazy because in my head i still feel like i am with him.

You perhaps are just still attached to him maybe that's why you feel that way.

Give yourself sometime as the feelings are still fresh in your mind. They will pass, if you let them.

Then your thinking will be much clearer, without the strong feelings throwing you off.