I’m not sure where to begin; my story with my ex would probably take up a whole novel. So, I will try and make a long story short. I met the most amazing guy a year ago and we had the best relationship. We were lovers and best friends. We were long distance (700 miles apart) and would try and see each other every month or so. When we weren’t together, we spoke on the phone 5-6 times a day. Everything was going fine until a bunch of bad things happened to him. In May, we saw each other the last time. I was having difficult times too as I was mourning a death in the family and undergoing surgery for cancer. He kept telling me he would come down to see me, but certain circumstances, that I don’t really want to get into, kept us apart. By the end of May this year, we were arguing a lot and he broke up with me. He gave me the “its not you it’s me” line and sent me on my way. A couple days later he wanted to get back together he told me how in love he was with me, and so on. I obliged. Then a week later the same thing happened, he dumped me again over the phone. We didn’t talk for 4 days after this which was the longest 4 days of my life. I knew it was the stress that had taken its toll on our relationship. “We” were fine, but our lives were a mess. He called me 4 days after we broke up and expressed his sincerity of wanting to still be friends. We were best friends for so long it was hard to say no and hard to say yes because I was having a horrible time with the break up. Because he was going through so much, he said that he just couldn’t give me what I deserve right now, and he really wants to stay in touch and be friends. We went back and forth with this for about 2 months, friends one week and not speaking the next because I was so upset. This obviously also prolonged my misery as you can imagine. Then after those two months, we professed our love for each other once more. We started dating again, but this time only “casually” because he was still having a lot of troubles. Neither of us were seeing other people and only thought of each other, so we dated for about 3 weeks that way. Then, I told him that I didn’t want to date casually I wanted the same relationship we had before. (We were very serious before and were talking about marriage before our lives changed) That scared him and he basically broke it off one last time. By then, I was pretty much over the break-up, so we remained best friends talking everyday. Then starting this month, we started saying I love you’s everyday, several times a day. Writing, calling, texting, and talking every day. Almost like we were dating without the title. I fell for him all over again and he says that I know how he feels about me, he just can’t date right now, and doesn’t want to. And, that he needs time to focus on other things besides dating. He doesn’t want me to wait, he wants what is best for me. And he says he just wants me to be happy. He is the most amazing guy, and I almost wish he would just be mean to me so I can get over it and move on, but he is just so sweet and I am so in love with him. I told him today that I just can’t talk to him anymore as just friends, it hurts too much and I am sad all the time. He said that that is okay and he understands. What do I do? Should I wait for him? When I think of my future, he is all I see. I desperately want him back.

Oh girl, ouch! Nobody in the whole world can tell you what would be best in this kind of situation but I'll give you a word of my life so maybe it'll help you. I "dated" a guy for a period of about a year and he said all the same things as your guy is saying right now, and in the end, I told him I wanted more, he bought me a dvd player, and I never heard from him again! I later learned from a few people that've known him for years, that he was not just with me and apparently does this sort of thing quite regularly. I was shocked, I knew him for awhile and he was just the nicest guy! But his friends said duh! And I hear he really is that nice- just not when it comes to the ladies because he has no interest in settling down. And just to let you know how bad he played me- he even took me out to his parents house for a family dinner. I really hope it's not the same case for you, but I would run! Now, I'm married to the most wonderful man and we have two children together. If anything, let go so maybe you can meet your husband!

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Originally Posted by mommyv

oh girl, ouch! nobody in the whole world can tell you what would be best in this kind of situation but i'll give you a word of my life so maybe it'll help you. i "dated" a guy for a period of about a year and he said all the same things as your guy is saying right now, and in the end, i told him i wanted more, he bought me a dvd player, and i never heard from him again! i later learned from a few people that've known him for years, that he was not just with me and apparently does this sort of thing quite regularly. I was shocked, i knew him for awhile and he was just the nicest guy! but his friends said duh! and i hear he really is that nice- just not when it comes to the ladies because he has no interest in settling down. and just to let you know how bad he played me- he even took me out to his parents house for a family dinner. i really hope it's not the same case for you, but i would run!! now, i'm married to the most wonderful man and we have two children together. if anything, let go so maybe you can meet your husband!

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Thanks for your advice! I just wanted to tell some more. He was married about 3 years ago to a girl that he dated for a long time and it ended badly after a few months and they got a divorce. He was devastated. So, I think that is where the commitment issues are coming from, so I have always been very understanding. And, as far as the whole him dating lots of girls thing, neither of us do that because of our strict religion. And I talk to him everyday so I know that's not the case here. I am scared though that I am losing the perfect man, the "one" I guess you could say. I can't see myself with anyone else, seriously, we were so perfect for each other. But, then I think about it and think that if he really does love me he would do anything to be with me, you know?

My guy also had his heart broken so badly he just didn't want to go there and for some, maybe that's the end. And it sounds like he does care for you but your right, if he loved you that deeply, he'd just want to be with you. My husbands favorite song is "god blessed the broken road", sometimes you have to go through really crappy stuff to get where you need to go, you know? Maybe you just needed to love this strongly so next time you recognize it. I'm sorry for the pain your in right now and I'm convinced you'll be OK. You believe in love the same as me I think and we deserve it!

The baggage of his past still keeps him from being perfect, and he may never change, so don't bother waiting for him to get his own act together. Deal with your own.

Absolutely!

O wow hun I got goose bumps when reading this, I am going through the exact same thing. Its no way to live let me tell you this. I am probably should not be one to give advice but I will try . I think of it like this if its meant to be it WILL happen. You can't force anything time will tell. I know it sucks waiting, but you don't have to go out there have fun try your best and know deep in you heart that there is hope but don't let that hope stop you from experiencing other things. Your ex much like mind is confused and he seeing you hurt will not help him or you, it only going to prolong the chance of getting back together. I suggest talking very little and when do talk keep it small. Thing will work out promise hang in there

Never put your life on hold for someone else because life doesn't stop for you. Regardless it keeps going