I have been married for about 2 1/2 years and have recently begun lusting after a married male co worker. We worked in the same department for about 5 months before he was transferred to a different department. During that time we would casually flirt with one another. It never led to anything but sexual innuendos. This past month we went to lunch together and realized we were both sexually attracted to one another. We ended up having sex and since then he's all I can think about. He has since said that the risk is too high for another encounter and that was the last time it was brought up. The bad part is he continues to flirt and talk as if it had never happened. I have tried to find time to talk to him alone about this but he keeps avoiding me. What is up? :confused:

He got what he wanted

What is up? You flirted your way into an affair, that is what is up!

Are you actually asking us how to help you keep your affair going? Seriously?

Hon, this is the first of 1000s of attractions you're going to have in life. Getting married didn't turn off your uncontrolled instincts, but it WAS supposed to turn off your WILLINGNESS to entertain those feelings.

You're supposed to be in charge, crickets in the field give in to their every instinct, we humans are supposed to be better than that.

You stood at an altar, looked your husband in the eye and said, "You, only you, forever....I will cleave to you, and forsake all others."

Forsaking all others not only meant not sleeping with other men, it meant forsaking your own ability to even think about it. I guess you forgot that, huh?

Well, now you know how weak-willed you are. You KNOW you cannot trust yourself to have even innocent lunches with the opposite sex, right?

What's up? Your blinders, apparently, because it looks like you've completely missed the mark on realizing what problem you should be trying to solve... and it isn't how to get your affair going again.

(sadness)(despair for your unsuspecting husband)

What is up?? :confused:

You don't have a clue about honesty and loyalty.
You are a cheater. If your not telling hubbie, that makes you a liar by omission.

What is up?? :confused:

You allowed yourself to be led down the wrong path

He got what he wanted, and now he is thru with you.

What is up?? :confused:

Since you haven't figured it out yet, you have willingly crossed a lot of boundaries, broken vows, and generally made a complete azz of yourself and got kicked to the curb, by your cheating partner.

What is up?? :confused:

If you didn't learn from this, it will happen again.

Next time ask for cash, instead of lunch, at least you get something out of it, instead of being a foolish, cheating, housewife.

What is up?? :confused:

Bet your husband could tell you exactly .......What is up?? :confused:

Your choices are two basically ones

1. he got his sex with you, that is what he wanted, now he is off for another score somewhere else.

So you get counseling and stop chasing after other men

Or you leave your husband, if you have kids let him keep the kids, since it is not really his fault you are cheating and go live the sex life you want.

You and your hubby need to find a way to get back close again.

Go home to your husband, and stay away from the DARKSIDE of human nature.

This experience SHOULD have taught you a lot, about how to better deal with your feelings, and the choices you make.

All right... while reading your post, I couldn't help but think "oh boy, this woman is clueless as to what is about to hit her..."

What you are feeling is an infatuation. Everything that has been said so far is true and if you don't agree right now, you will later.

You don't need a lecture from me; you've gotten that from others already. I just hope you gain some insight from this because if you do not learn from this mistake, you will end up repeating it and you will never be happy. People who only want what they can't get are too busy chasing to value what they already have.

I'm sorry you're in this predicament; the first step to getting out of it is to come to terms with reality.

Wow! YOU WRITERS ARE AWEFUL !

You don't have to hit her over the head with a baseball bat.

She is looking for HELP to stop this behaviour.. NOT looking for lectures on why what she did was wrong.

She already KNOWS its wrong and she needs encouragement to help get herself out of this.

I wish I had the answers for you sweetie. Keeping yourself in the PRESENT moment when this man is around is going to be tough. Too tough really. When we are in this mind set we have to do something called "taking our thoughts captive." This means that we have to take control of what we are thinking and MAKE our mind stop.

We can do this by trying to find every fault possible to help 'dislike' this person. Carry a picture of your husband around. Make sure you have your ring on. Tie a ribbon around you finger... I don't care what you do to keep your mind PRESENT on what you DO have already. INSTEAD of focusing on what you like about this other man... MAKE your mind FOCUS on your own husband. Remind yourself with pictures, momentous of your love for your husband. Take this desire you have and CHANNEL it towards your own husband. Remind yourself why you married this man. Write it down if you are a writer. Make mini moments you can have WITH you... like a special night you had one day if you had petals on the bed. By a fake rose and carry a petal with you during the day to remind you of that beautiful night. If he gave you a daisy once when you were sick, find a pendant with a daisy on it to remind you of his love for you.

Watch this movie called "fireproof". It is amazing. It will change your life if you put the things this man does into practice. There is about of a "God" theme to it. If you don't believe in God than you can discard everything about the couple 'religion' parts and take in what this woman does with her infatuation with a married man. FIREPROOF your marriage. Get it now and watch it by yourself. It changed my life sweet heart. It saved my marriage.. my heart.. and my life from becoming desolate...

Hug.

Hang in there and get out of the mess the two of you have put yourselves in. You can do this! You can stop this lust... this passion you are feeling. Take control... I believe in you. I didn't think I could do it... I was in a similar situation.. and I am so in love with my own husband now that I can truly say that I do not lust over any man any more.