What "taking some time" really means?
Hi people...
I don't really know how to start so I will start from the beginning. I have been in the best relationship of my life for previous 6 years. I am from one of the third world's countries and I am mentioning that because it is important for the rest of the story.
Our love is (was) everything that kept me going... I had cancer three years ago and all that time she has been my guiding light, spending every second with me... She even changed bottles of my chemo liquid, because nurses were nowhere to be found (third world countries). It is (was) not love built only on physical attraction, which is tremendous, but on friendship and respect... We even got engaged earlier this year, and then made possibly worst mistake in my life...
We have decided to have family, and since earning enough money in our country just isn't possible in a lifetime, we have decided to work on a cruise ships, which is a popular choice in our country, since you can earn enough for the nice start of family life. At first three months, we had to be on a different ships, and then to get back together on one. Driven by the same big dream, we decided to take the chance and have a family as soon as possible, but lately she was not so delighted to communicate with me, sending me only short emails from time to time... Somehow I called her and she told me that she needs some time and does not want to get together in next three months (six months contracts)... She told me that she still loves me and she is wearing my ring, but just needs time to get her self together, since this is the first time she could get some time far away from worrying about my health (I am perfectly fine now) and see some new perspectives... For you who doesn't know, life on the ship, if you are a crew, is very strange, at least for someone like me... People are sleeping with each other like animals, in one moment I thought that everybody has slept with everybody in some point...
Being an optimist in my life, I just keep not to think that somebody has stolen her heart from me... Even knowing that it probably isn't true and there probably is someone, I just can't let these dreams die. I cannot even imagine having anything like this with anybody else in my life ever, it just wouldn't be fair to the other person, I know this is it... I know that it probably sounds stupid to the most of you, but that is just how I am - all my life I knew that it can be only one woman. She is (or again, freaking was) my first, only true love that I have (had) and ever will have. I know it's too old fashion... But can't fight myself...
Here, on this ship, I have been employed as an officer (which is like wild card for sex, because you have the best cabins on the ship, others are really crappy, without showers for example) and I am, by others opinions, good looking, but I have always been telling her that it doesn't even cross my mind to have anybody else but her. I was day dreaming and telling her all that, being completely honest and I still feel that way.
Is it possible that I have killed her interest by that? Is it possible that she, knowing she can have me no matter what, just takes everything we had for granted? And finally, please be cruel and tell me the truth - is she coming back or not? I know nobody can tell that for sure, but I would really appreciate honest opinion... Just maybe some words of encouragement.
I am 25 and I feel like I am half way from the place I have dreamed about, for which I am suddenly not sure if it exists anymore, without fuel to go further or go back... I didn't call her or wrote any emails since yesterday, I can give her all the space and time she needs (don't tell her that:))... SO terribly lonesome here (you can imagine if I would share my story with somebody on the ship, I would be laughing stock fleet wide), it feels better just to write all this down. Thank you for that opportunity, thank you if you read all this and thank you in advance for every response...
Comment on bigbird213's post
This is good advise for anyone going through this