Hi people...

I don't really know how to start so I will start from the beginning. I have been in the best relationship of my life for previous 6 years. I am from one of the third world's countries and I am mentioning that because it is important for the rest of the story.

Our love is (was) everything that kept me going... I had cancer three years ago and all that time she has been my guiding light, spending every second with me... She even changed bottles of my chemo liquid, because nurses were nowhere to be found (third world countries). It is (was) not love built only on physical attraction, which is tremendous, but on friendship and respect... We even got engaged earlier this year, and then made possibly worst mistake in my life...

We have decided to have family, and since earning enough money in our country just isn't possible in a lifetime, we have decided to work on a cruise ships, which is a popular choice in our country, since you can earn enough for the nice start of family life. At first three months, we had to be on a different ships, and then to get back together on one. Driven by the same big dream, we decided to take the chance and have a family as soon as possible, but lately she was not so delighted to communicate with me, sending me only short emails from time to time... Somehow I called her and she told me that she needs some time and does not want to get together in next three months (six months contracts)... She told me that she still loves me and she is wearing my ring, but just needs time to get her self together, since this is the first time she could get some time far away from worrying about my health (I am perfectly fine now) and see some new perspectives... For you who doesn't know, life on the ship, if you are a crew, is very strange, at least for someone like me... People are sleeping with each other like animals, in one moment I thought that everybody has slept with everybody in some point...

Being an optimist in my life, I just keep not to think that somebody has stolen her heart from me... Even knowing that it probably isn't true and there probably is someone, I just can't let these dreams die. I cannot even imagine having anything like this with anybody else in my life ever, it just wouldn't be fair to the other person, I know this is it... I know that it probably sounds stupid to the most of you, but that is just how I am - all my life I knew that it can be only one woman. She is (or again, freaking was) my first, only true love that I have (had) and ever will have. I know it's too old fashion... But can't fight myself...

Here, on this ship, I have been employed as an officer (which is like wild card for sex, because you have the best cabins on the ship, others are really crappy, without showers for example) and I am, by others opinions, good looking, but I have always been telling her that it doesn't even cross my mind to have anybody else but her. I was day dreaming and telling her all that, being completely honest and I still feel that way.

Is it possible that I have killed her interest by that? Is it possible that she, knowing she can have me no matter what, just takes everything we had for granted? And finally, please be cruel and tell me the truth - is she coming back or not? I know nobody can tell that for sure, but I would really appreciate honest opinion... Just maybe some words of encouragement.

I am 25 and I feel like I am half way from the place I have dreamed about, for which I am suddenly not sure if it exists anymore, without fuel to go further or go back... I didn't call her or wrote any emails since yesterday, I can give her all the space and time she needs (don't tell her that:))... SO terribly lonesome here (you can imagine if I would share my story with somebody on the ship, I would be laughing stock fleet wide), it feels better just to write all this down. Thank you for that opportunity, thank you if you read all this and thank you in advance for every response...

Well I don't think you can kill a thing with a girl by telling her you don't want anybody else, I'm pretty sure that's the sort of thing we love to hear, so I don't think it's that. If she's still wearing your ring then it's a good chance she still loves you and maybe she's just not sure what she's doing. I think that maybe, being on those other ships, so long without you, makes her lonely. Especially when she sees all these other people who "comfort each other" apparently like animals. Either way, she's not communicating with you and without that, I don't know how your supposed to fix it, when your not sure what the hells going on. Keep thinking good thoughts and hopefully things will work out. Good luck to you on your long journey!

From the sounds of it, the choices you two made are quite stressful and bring about a lot of changes. Being apart for 3 months at a time, not seeing each other at all and being surrounded by all of these new people is quite a shock to say the least. Perhaps she needs exactly what she is saying, some time and space to adjust to this new life she has.

However, you must also understand that in taking this time, she might reevaluate her life and decide she isn't happy like she used to be. Personally, the majority of the stories I see on here which start with "I need space" turn into breakups. I wouldn't get my hopes up, but give her the time and space she wants, and get on trying to be happy by yourself...

This is good advise for anyone going through this

People grow, and change all the time, and since your out of contact, its especially hard right now.

You have goals, and should keep them in sight, and just be happy with your new life.

Its good your giving her what she ask for and I do hope it works out.

Thank you guys... Somehow, I had a feeling that something is wrong and I now have the feeling that it is not over... My intuition never screwed me up, I knew when I was sick when all the lab result showed that I was not... I guess you could call it denial, or something, but that's all I have now... I have to go to work and smile to the people. Imagine being surrounded by loud, happy people, with love music bringing so many memories to your head, and no place to escape, except a little swim with the sharks...
I am hurting so much and I know world is different place for me from now on...

I am constantly thinking about commitment... Commitment to our dreams, commitment to each other... I have eyes, sometimes I think that other women are attractive, but then I just see her picture in my head and smile, thinking how much better she is...


I guess all the quotes from talaniman's signatures are true, each and everyone of them.

Everything hurts now... Somehow, I know it's not going to stop 'till I hear from her... If it ever happens... Now it would help if I could just stop looking to my inbox and stare to my cell for a while...