Hi, I'm 18 years old and fresh in university. I don't live in residence for the fact that it costs too much and cause my mom would rather have me home to watch me like a hawk.
I'm a pretty average student, I don't exel in any one thing but I'm not exactly bad at anythign either. You can say I have a balance of everything. I live in a beautiful house, in a nice neighbourhood, with supposedly loving parents. I'm given what I ask for ( which is rare) and pretty much live a comfortable life but in exchange for this is my freedom to speak, and to express my emotions.
You'd think that with the things I have.. I would be the happiest young adult there would be. But in all honesty, living a comfortable life does mean I'm leading a happy life. My mother hates me and even though my dad says otherwise.. I know differently. It's different when I person who is as sensitive as me would be treated in such a way. Among the many lectures my mom has given me.. today has been the worst. I'm a quiet child. I keep my feelings inside and I feel like I'm dying.
I woke up this morning 7:17am feeling a bit groggy.. my mom woke me up with a knock on the door and asked me when I have school.. and I said 8:10am. I knew that she was aggravated whenever she calls me by my first name.. if she was in a good mood she would say nene (which in our language means sweet little girl).. anyway I knew that time was cutting close.. so I took my quick shower and got ready. By the time I was ready, I knew I had enough time to make it to school. My mother said to turn on the car so I did. I was waiting for about 5 minutes.. and when my mom came down the stairs, she asked why I didn't open the windows.. simple right? So I opened the windows.. when I was up to the last window to be opened, I accidentally broke a family picture frame. As soon as the crash was settled, my mother began to shout at me. She's the type of person who s pretty superstitious.. like if you break something or it has a crack, you'll have to throw it away as soon as possible or else it will effect your life. In the case because it was a family picture frame, she says that our family is going to fall apart. Isn't it logical?. and then she goes on saying all these hurtful things.. says that I'm a failure.. that she doesn't even know if I'm even going to finish school. Says that I'm just like her sister's and nothing like her. She compares me to so many bad thngs that I begin to wonder why I even bother coming home to please her and try to be the ideal daughter that I am. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs.. I don't talk back to my parents because it's said to be "rude" even though my mom is so wrong about her perspective. She has an incredibly narrow mind and she thinks that the only way I can have a prosperous life is to obey whatever they say and to just shut my mouth and listen. I'm not allowed to have an opinion or say anything that will oppose their parenting style. I find myself uncontrollable crying every time my mom starts and continues to bicker at me.. and it's not because I'm sad or angry.. but because I'm frustrated. She doesn't acknowledge the person who I am and want to be. She rather that I work hard for something I don't want to do then to work hard for somethng I'd really enjoy like art or graphics design. I know that it's a competitive field, but I'd rather do that to have a career I'd hate going to. And whatever the problem is.. she would always something say about my boyfriend. I'd understand if he mistreated me or did drugs, or was even rebellious. But he is none of that.. he's respectful, open-minded, live for the future as well as the present. He loves me and I love him.. but my mother doesn't get it.. she doesn't believe there is such a thing as love.. she hated boys when she was younger and even now.. all she thinks they are are users and liars and cheaters. And if you are wondering, yes my dad is still with her.. but they'd fight at least once a day. If she could, she'd divorce him but she doesnt't believe in divorce.. sometimes I wonder why they even had children.. I know that for sure it wasn't because they loved each other... I'm emotionally depressed and I feel like I will fall deeper if my consciousness is not absolved. My heart hurts each day with the thought of wondering if it would be better if I ran away.. and I know that when I get home.. there will just be more shouting about the broken picture frame. It might be true though.. broken picture frame.. broken family. But this could have been avoided if she cared more about how I feel and how I'm effected by her then the picture frame itself. The picture frame is broken.. but so it my heart. I'm tired.. and I can honestly say.. I'd rather live a life with my boyfriend.. through the rough society then to have to come home each day to a mother that does not understand the person I am.


So please.. help me.. I need the reassurance of what I should do..

Try to move on campus... if you can. Let her yell and bicker at your from afar

I remember before I moved out I had a super bad relationship with my mother. Probably right before I moved out was the very worst of it.. now I think I understand what happened much better. I'm wondering if you are 2nd or 3rd generation of an asian household. This story really strikes me as familiar, I even ended up going into graphic design (and now I am rather successful). I think that you are doing the right thing, and that your mother has misdirected her anger and frustrations onto you. As you said, she fights with your father and is obviously quite unhappy and bitter about her situation. You are slowly becoming a parent to your mother and do not even know it. Soon you will have your own life and I do think that your mom will be a lot less frustrated around you. I think at this point she is very dependent on you because controlling you distracts her from the chaos of her own life. Once you are moved out of the house she will have to face her demons.

Make sure you do not let her bring you down so much at this point that you don't feel like moving on with your own life. You have a good head on your shoulders, things will brighten. You are not responsible for holding onto some scattered strings. The best thing you can always do to help the family and your situation is to make yourself happy.

Before you consider moving in with your boyfriend or running away -- make sure you give yourself some grounding. Pursue your dream. I would research colleges and get excited about something. Your confidence is probably shot, but believe me -- there will be room for you. Your mother's biggest trial is going to be looking at herself, and I think that yours will be learning what to do with your freedom constructively.

Hang in there.

Or even do online classes so you can work while you go to school you can get pretty good jobs if you tell them you are working on your degree while working as long as your major pertains to the job :)

Trying looking into finding a roommate near campus...

QUICK STORY -- I moved out right after graduation from high school and was living with a boyfriend. This only lasted for a month. It was too soon to have a very adult relationship when just becoming an adult myself. I ended up using some college grant money and getting my own place with it. I was only able to do a year of college because the only job that was flexible with a college schedule was waitressing. Low and behold, paying bills ended up taking precedence over studying and classes, so I let school go and got a full time office job. I wish I could have made it through college, it is really a milestone accomplishment to be proud of. Not to mention it gives you a real resume boost.

I don't think it's a good idea to stay in a home with the negativity you describe. Try to do as much research and budgeting before you make a move. Maybe stick it out and get a part-time job on campus to start saving money. Roommates are a happy medium and you might make a really good friend. Also, some people have homes with a private entrance to a studio apt that they usually rent inexpensive and include utilities.

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Originally Posted by avonlady

try to move on campus...if you can. Let her yell and bicker at your from afar

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It never gets any better. I am 58 and she now has to live with my family and she treats all of us badly. By the way, she is a strict Baptist woman. We love her too much to put her in the nursing home. All I can say is get away as soon as you can. Move far away and start a new life. Be careful, but don't wait too long to get away.